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“I’m a big girl. I can handle it.”
“I know.”
“So there is no problem?” I said with a smile. He pulled me close, and we lapsed into silence.
I was hungry by the time the movie ended. I padded to the kitchen and made myself a panino. I’d ordered groceries to be delivered that afternoon. I couldn’t stand going out to the same restaurants every night or having the neighbor down the street buy Devin’s groceries. When I’d informed Mrs. Duffy that she would no longer need to shop for Devin, the old lady seemed almost distraught. Devin claimed it was because her daughter would no longer have a chance with him.
Devin had followed me into the kitchen. His mood still hadn’t lightened, and I knew there was more that he hadn’t told me. I sliced some provolone cheese, waiting for what was next.
“There is something else,” he said quietly, “something I probably should have told you a long time ago.”
“You aren’t married, are you?” I joked.
He tried to smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “No, I’m not married.”
I snacked on a piece of cheese, handing him one too. I then took some mortadella and placed it in the bun. “What could be so awful, then?” I asked, biting into the sandwich. Was someone sick? Had Russo given him bad news? I couldn’t figure it out.
The lines around his mouth deepened. He looked down for a moment before slowly lifting his eyes to meet mine. He took a deep breath and spoke in a dull monotone.
“Luna, you asked me about someone named Paige when we were in Germany.”
“Yes, that really threw you. Who is she?” With everything that had gone on, I’d sort of forgotten about it. But then it hit me.Hadhe been married? Was she an ex-wife? I remembered the way he’d said she was no one, how weirdly dazed he’d seemed.
He squared his shoulders and said, “She’s my daughter.”
ChapterThirty
Luna
The words sent me reeling. I grasped the kitchen counter, my sandwich falling to the floor with its insides scattered on the tile. I prayed he was kidding, a practical joke that wasn’t funny. But the pained expression on his face didn’t change. He couldn’t have looked more somber if he’d told me he didn’t love me anymore.
I drew in small breaths, trying to regain my composure. I picked up the fallen sandwich, my hands shaking uncontrollably. How could I have not known about this? How did he keep it a secret? How did Blake know, and did that mean Rafe knew too? No, no way would Rafe have kept this to himself. He’d have used it to stop me from dating Devin in the first place.
“I should have told you sooner,” he said, helping me pick up the scattered sandwich.
“Yes, yes,” I said absently. I was still absorbing the news as I heaped everything on my plate.
“I thought if I told you before, you’d get frightened away. Besides my family, no one else knows about this. At least, I didn’t think anyone else knew.”
“Okay,” I said carefully. I had to get it together. A daughter didn’t necessarily mean he had a secret family, a secret wife. But it did mean a huge part of his past that he’d kept from me. It meant lies. I thought of the conversation about Charlotte Simpson as I threw the sandwich into the garbage. How dismissive he’d been of the idea of getting a girlfriend pregnant, how much he hadn’t cared whether she had the child or not. Did he have other kids with other women? My stomach was churning.
“And I had to tell you now because she’ll be there when you meet my parents.”
I turned to look at him. I could hear him, but nothing he said made much sense. “I’m going to bed,” I said, walking past him. He watched me walk up the stairs and out of his view.
Did this child live with his parents? Was she a big part of his life? It dawned on me that this was the reason I hadn’t met his family sooner. It was all to hide the lie.
I lay awake in bed almost the entire night. Initially, I didn’t want to deal with the news. Then I questioned what he’d told me. He couldn’t possibly have a child, let alone one who spent time with his parents. Not the most child-averse man on the planet. Surely this news would have gotten out sooner. And why had he kept it a secret?
How old was his daughter? I hadn’t asked. In fact, I hadn’t asked anything at all. Instead, I let the shock of it all shut me down, the same shock that had gripped me in Cortese when I saw those photos of my father. The only difference was that this time I hadn’t cried … at least not yet.
And yet somehow, I also felt stronger than I had in Cortese. Then, I’d let the shock and anxiety overtake me. I couldn’t do that this time.
Now, in the middle of the night, I was prepared to deal with the news. I turned over to lie on my back. The moon was shining into the room, casting shadows on the walls. Devin had crept in an hour ago, and I could hear his uneven breathing. He wasn’t asleep.
“Her name is Paige, then?” I asked, breaking the silence. Devin was startled by my voice. His back had been to me, but he shifted to face me. I was unable to meet his eyes. I was angry with him for having waited so long to tell me. I also felt hurt and empty.
“Yes,” he said unemotionally.
