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“And she really meant it?”
This time, he’s more certain. “Yes.”
I exhale until my lungs pinch with it. This was more than even my optimistic, shiny brain sensor could hope for. “You know those movies that are so strange they’re actually good for being so weird? You get lost in it at first, and you don’t think you’ll like it, but you keep going because you already invested so much time in it, and it has potential if you could just understand where it’s going, and then kablam! It hits you, and it all clicks, and suddenly, it’s incredible. One of your favorites ever. You watch it again and again, and it still doesn’t fully make sense, even on the third or fourth time, but you love it more and more.”
Thaddius lifts a shoulder and a brow together. “Umm, yeah. Maybe.”
“I feel like we’re a little bit like that,” I tell him.
“Seriously?”
“I hope so.”
“You don’t think life is a comedy of errors that isn’t funny?”
I realize I’m clenching my hands into fists on my lap, so I relax them. It feels good to unclench. And it feels good to believe that this isreal. “Sometimes, maybe. But not this time.”
“So if our grandmothers agree to tear up the contract, and they encourage us to live our lives, do you think we can do that? Like regular people?”
“You mean, do I want to stay here? Will I consider moving? Can we see ourselves dating? Can it work? Well, I can’t answer any of those questions until I know how you feel.” It’s rough saying those words, and it’s hard as all heck to put them out there, but I have to.
A faint pink creeps up Thaddius’ neck and flushes his cheeks. I thought he looked astounded when I first walked up his driveway, and he recognized me. Since then, I’ve seen every emotion from grouchy to sweet, frustrated to triumphant, and closed off to tender and open. Right now, it looks like he doesn’t know which face to give me. He’s cycling through them all.
His right eye twitches. He moves, and just when I think he’s going to collapse, maybe fainting because, yeah, this is a big deal, and I don’t think he’s breathing properly as this is so, so hard, he kneels in front of me.
I’m so shocked, but this is it. I know this is it. All the things he couldn’t say yesterday are there in his eyes. I know I made the right choice in staying to give him a chance to be able to put the poetry he hides in his books out there.
I want to touch him, but my hands are clammy, and I don’t want to stick clammy hands on his perfect skin.
You know what? Fuck it. Fuck perfection. I cup his face, and when he tilts his face into my touch, my heart kicks into my ribs. “You don’t have to say it,” I whisper, barely getting the words out.
He groans. “No, I want to. You deserve to hear how I feel. The problem is, I don’t know how to tell you. I didn’t know how to yesterday.”
“We haven’t picked through it. It’s a lot to unpack, especially with our history,” I tell him gently.
“It’s hard to live years so against something and then find out it wasn’t anything like I expected. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met.”
“Yes, I’d give most people a run for their money when it comes to sunshine and rainbows.”
“It’s not just that. You’re brave. You can literally adapt to anything, and you have the most tender, sweetest heart. That’s where all the sunshine comes from, and I might have told myself it was annoying before, but I was wrong. Or rather, I grew into it. I started enjoying it.” He sighs, his eyes big and pleading, butterscotch and amber, begging me to understand. “You didn’t give two owl hoots about my money. You didn’t want me for any of that. You’re probably the first person who has everseenme, even though I was trying to go full-out into hiding. You’re also probably the only person who has ever liked all the parts of me.” He flushes even darker pink. “Uh, notthatpart. Not like that.”
I laugh even though I’m melting inside, tied up in knots. “I know, Thaddius. I know that.” I like that part too, but right now isn’t the time to comment on that.
“I told my grandma we were basically just strangers, but she was quite happy to assure me that everyone is a stranger at one time or another.”
“She’s right about that.”
“With the pressure and expectation off, do you think we’ll really be free to live our lives?” Thaddius asks.
“Not without heavy interference, I’m sure. The second we say we’re dating, our family is going to be wild.”
“I don’t know if we can handle it,” Thaddius admits with a frown.
I don’t want to lose him. Not like this. So I slip off the bed, and now we’re both kneeling. “We can handle anything. Sure, it will be the adjustment of a lifetime. I’m not saying this will bring peace to our families or that we’ll get used to the prying and ultra-exuberance, but I know it will probably all fade with time, and then it will be just us. Just us with our family cheering us on and being there for us no matter what comes.”
“Is that…is that a yes?”
“It scares me to think about moving so far away from my family, but it scares me even more to think about driving back home and leaving all this behind—you, the chickens, the sheep, Herman Merman.”
