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His arms came around me, but instead of pulling me against his side, he made it easier on my injuries by settling me in his lap instead. It made it so I didn’t have to lean, but it also surrounded me with his warmth and comfort, and that meant more to me than easing the pain. I clutched tightly to his dress shirt, willing myself to speak.
“I-I’m s-sorry!”
ChapterSixteen
He was quiet for a while,holding me and petting my hair. Just like he always did whenever I was upset. He never rushed me or complained about me being overemotional. He never walked away when I took too long to calm down. He just sat there with me, holding me close, like he had no place better to be. It was comforting, but also heart wrenching. I kept reminding myself that he was only doing it to be kind, trying desperately to protect myself from the feelings I couldn’t seem to hold back around him.
Only once I calmed down a little did he speak again. “I wanted to be angry with you. You would have left without a word. I would have had no idea where you were or if you were safe.”
My heart clenched to where it was painful, and I swallowed down another wave of tears. I knew he had more to say. A part of me didn’t want to hear it, it only made the guilt worse. But I deserved his words and more for upsetting him. He was always so kind to me and I threw it in his face.
“I tried to stay away. To give you space to come to terms with what is happening. But I couldn’t.”
Sucking in a shaky breath, I pulled away from him enough to look him in the eye. The barest whisper of hope swelled in my chest. “W-Why?”
His face was tight, his brows drawn down. “Because I want you to be safe, Rosie.”
I shook my head. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear. Viktor was a good man, protective. The little time I’d known him, I felt like that was just who he was. He shouldn’t waste his time on someone like me, though. I wasn’t worth it.
He cupped my cheek to stop me, his eyes searching mine.
“Your disagreement changes nothing. I need to protect you.”
He changed it. Not a want, but need. The distinction made me breathless, and I asked again, “Why?”
“Because you are precious to me.”
It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me, and my heart broke. It broke with the knowledge that it wasn’t going to last. It broke with the reminder that I wanted what I couldn’t have. What I could never have. My life wasn’t built that way. That wasn’t me being pessimistic, that was just the cold, hard truth. My life was one nightmare after another, and I couldn’t drag Viktor into that. No matter how much I craved what he was offering with his quiet confession.
His hand on my face was warm, his thumbs brushing away the tears that just kept falling. He dipped his head, brushing his lips gently over mine, and I leaned into it. I’d only get this kind of moment once. I didn’t want to waste it.
His lips were soft against mine. It stole my breath away how such a large and intimidating man could be so gentle. He plucked lightly at my lips, never pushing for more, until I was breathless and dizzy. When he shifted away from me, I chased him, unwilling to let this moment end. He didn’t fight me, his hand slipping from my cheek into my hair, holding me close. His tongue brushed against my bottom lip, making me gasp. It was a question, though, not a demand. He didn’t go any further until I did, tentatively brushing my tongue against his.
Feelings that I’d long forgotten flowed through my system. Like hot magma flowing down a mountain, heat spread through me, settling low in my belly. I almost forgot what it felt like, and it was more than a little overwhelming. I drew back, panting, only for him to dip his head and kiss me again. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that if I asked him to stop, he would. I couldn’t make myself pull back, though. Even when my ribs protested and my shaking was more because of pain than pleasure.
It was Viktor who pulled away. He pressed his forehead against mine, shaking his head. “I do not want to hurt you, ?????. You should be resting.”
And just like that, I felt my walls crumble. He could’ve pushed for more. I would’ve given in to him. I would’ve given him everything. Instead, he was more focused on my wellbeing. He cared. And I fell hard for him in that moment.
* * *
“Did you eat?”
Viktor had moved me back into bed. He apparently was in no rush to take me to go play poker. He laid beside me on the bed, much like he had the night before, his fingers combing through my hair as he studied my face. He was so relaxed that I almost considered lying to him. I wasn’t going to do that, though. I shook my head slowly, fighting against the urge to duck and hide.
His brow furrowed. “You need to eat, ?????. O’Connor said the medicines will make your stomach upset if you don’t.”
I grimaced. “I… I haven’t had any…”
His eyebrows shot up, and the motion of his hand froze. “Since when?”
It was difficult to force myself to tell him something I knew would make him unhappy. I spent so much of my life lying and pretending everything was perfect to keep a man happy. I wasn’t very good at being honest. Even with something as simple as when I took my meds.
Viktor took my hesitation as an answer by itself. He sat up, looking around the room for the bottle of medicine. It was still on the nightstand where he left it, untouched. Without a word, he rolled out of bed to retrieve it and disappeared from the room. When he took longer than I expected, I went looking for him.
He was in the kitchen, warming up some food for me. That gesture alone was sweet enough to make me want to cry, but I’d cried enough for one day. I felt guilty though, so I pushed past the discomfort and crept closer, not stopping until I could place my hand on his back. He was tense, the muscles tight, but when I leaned into him, he didn’t shrug me away. He paused, letting me take comfort from his presence as I apologized.
“I’m sorry…”
