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“I feel the same level of comfort and challenge when I’m with you like maybe I might like me because you do.”
“Let the world see how amazing you are, and you’ll attract the kind of people who deserve your devotion,” Ivan said. Those assholes who blabbed his personal business to the press sure as hell didn’t deserve it.
Rory’s smile faltered, and Ivan wished he could kick himself in the ass for bringing up painful things. Maybe he would’ve tried it if not for still feeling the effects of their lovemaking. Damn, he used to be so fit and limber. Hope was always trying to recruit him to yoga classes and meditation, and maybe he should take her up on the offer. Ivan couldn’t take the words back, which was probably for the best. At least one of them needed to keep their footing on solid ground. Rory wasn’t staying. Pretending otherwise would lead to heartache neither of them needed, which reminded Ivan of the confession he’d wanted to make to Rory. Waiting until nighttime no longer sounded appealing. Ivan wanted to air out his laundry in the sunshine with Rory as his witness. And he knew just the right setting.
“Would you like a proper tour of my beehives and the ranch?” Ivan asked.
Rory rose up on his elbow and kissed him. “I’d love to see this beautiful place through your eyes.”
Who’s the poet now?
They tidied up the living room to make sure they didn’t leave behind traces of their passionate exchange. Ivan cut off oxygen to the fire, reducing the small flames to smoldering embers before they parted ways to dress. Most of Rory’s belongings were still in his room, so he headed there while Ivan went upstairs to change. When he returned, Rory wore the same outfit as when he’d arrived at the ranch. The flannel shirt was a fleecy material but wouldn’t be enough to ward off the chill in the dwindling sunlight. Don’t get him started on the distressed jeans with holes.
“We need to make a quick stop at the general store,” Ivan said on their way out of the house.
“In town?”
“No, that’s what we call the supply room here on the ranch,” Ivan replied. “Cash keeps a variety of work clothes here for the crew. Proper attire is important, and most new members of the crew don’t have the means to buy their own upon release, so Cash makes work clothes part of our benefits.”
“Wow,” Rory said. “That’s one hell of a perk.” His reaction grew even stronger when he stepped inside the store. Ivan had already learned that a wowed Rory was a quiet one. He turned in a slow circle, taking it all in with his hands on his hips.
Ivan glanced around, remembering the first time Cash had shown the space to him. Being able to wear garments other than prison scrubs was a big deal. Being able to call them his was even bigger. A person had so much stripped away when they were incarcerated, and little things like wearing clothes you owned felt huge. New clothes, even ones for work, felt as luxurious as owning a yacht after incarceration.
Rory stilled and met Ivan’s gaze. “I didn’t think people like Cash Sweeney existed anymore.” He tilted his head and added, “I might be in the presence of a veritable saint. Coming up with ways to beef up the ranch’s reputation in the community is going to be a cinch.” So Rory had spoken with Cash about the project. Ivan hadn’t asked because his mind had been elsewhere when he saw Rory on the couch.
Ivan snorted. “Don’t let Cash hear you call him a saint. He gets angry that his way is an exception and not a rule.”
Rory pursed his lips and glanced around the room again. “That’s what I’d expect a saint to say.” He met Ivan’s gaze. “I can’t imagine what it would feel like to stand here after getting released from lockup and have the freedom to choose whatever you wanted. It would be like winning a shopping spree.”
“Without the cart and timer,” Ivan said, recalling the sense of overwhelm he’d experienced as he’d taken it all in.
Rory reached for his hands and stepped closer to him. “How long were you in jail?”
“Three years.” Ivan’s voice sounded flatter than he’d intended, and he wasn’t sure if that was the reason Rory raised a brow or if the length of the sentence surprised him. A little voice, unbidden but persistent, urged Ivan to push himself harder. “Unlike Kieran, I committed the crime I went to jail for, and I’m not sorry about any of it, not the act itself or a single second I spent behind bars. If given the same set of circumstances, I’d probably do it again.”
Rory’s nostrils flared, and he swallowed hard, but he didn’t step back. “You’re testing me.”
“Am I?”
He nodded. “You are. But why? Because I’ve gotten too close and you think I’ll bolt when I learn the truth?”
“I’ve always known you’re going to leave,” Ivan reminded him.
“Knowing it here”—Rory tapped his temple—“and knowing it here”—he tapped his heart—“aren’t the same thing.” Instead of pulling away, Rory stepped closer and placed his hand over Ivan’s heart. “Whatever you did, it was to protect someone you cared about or loved.”
Ivan had thought he loved Curt Washington, and maybe he had, but it was hard to judge the veracity of his feelings. Curt had been his first…everything, and their ill-fated romance had ended publicly and nearly tragically. Ivan’s best method of stress relief had been stripped away from him when his college football coach suspended him after his sexual orientation was exposed. O’Reilly hadn’t come right out and said that of course. He’d claimed the action was for Ivan’s benefit, to give him space and time to recover from the scandal and to get a break from the attention it had drawn. What he’d really meant was that no one wanted him in the locker room or weight room. Ivan’s shame, hurt, and anger built into a tsunami without a healthy outlet to release the pressure. He’d kept his head down and shifted his focus to preparing for final exams since he was only months away from graduation. Ivan thought he had everything under control until—
“Ivan.” Rory’s soft voice yanked him from his trip down memory lane. “Am I right? Did you get in trouble for protecting someone you cared about?”
Ivan looked around the room, reminding himself of his entire journey with a single glance. It might’ve agitated some, but Ivan found it centering. He would not shy away from who he was or what he’d done. Cash Sweeney had taught him that. “Yes.” The love he’d felt for Curt might not have lasted a lifetime, but it had been real and was strong enough to spark a tempest that had irrevocably changed Ivan’s life.
Instead of looking nervous about being alone with an unrepentant convict, Rory looked smug. “You can tell me if you want to, but it won’t change a damn thing. I’m still going to want to climb you like Mount Viking as soon as you’ll let me.”
It was on the verge of Ivan’s tongue to ask if Rory had enjoyed what they’d shared as much as he had, but it was a diversion neither of them needed. Besides, he already knew the answer. He’d witnessed the blissed-out expression on his face and felt the intensity of Rory’s orgasm. Ivan had resented the barrier between them and wanted to feel Rory’s hot release in his channel. He couldn’t think of anything more intimate than sex in the raw, but that wasn’t a wise move for their no-strings agreement. Ivan knew he could distract them both with talk of their shared orgasm, but that wasn’t the need riding him hard. He wouldn’t say he wanted to confess to Rory or even unburden his soul. It just felt suddenly important for Rory to really know him—both who he was then and the man who stood before him now. And Ivan wanted to do that in the place that represented him best.
“Good to know.” Ivan leaned forward and kissed Rory, quick and hard, then said, “You’re going to need warmer outerwear and jeans for our tour. You can leave your clothes here and we’ll swing by and grab them on our way back.” He picked out a sherpa-lined jacket and a pair of Wranglers in sizes that looked right. He grinned when they fit Rory perfectly. Ivan took a few seconds to jot down what they’d taken on the inventory sheet Cash used for taxes, then they made the quick trip to an equipment barn. Ivan opened the passenger door of the side-by-side ATV and gestured for Rory to get in.
“Such a gentleman,” Rory said with a wink as he climbed inside.
