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Bile churned in Ivan’s stomach, but he’d come this far, and Rory’s embrace helped ease the hurt the memories caused. “The fallout was a nightmare. The football team shunned me. One asshole was so offended that he made sure every person on campus saw the pictures or brief video of Curt on his knees with my dick in his mouth.” Ivan puffed up his cheeks and exhaled slowly, bracing himself to get through the worst part. “I got harassed some, but my size kept most reactions to silent sneers or passing jeers. But Curt…” Ivan shook his head as awful images flooded his mind. He reminded himself that he’d just seen the man. He was happy, healthy, and had a family. “No one tracked down my parents in Kansas to tell them I was queer, but Curt’s family found out right away through their connections at the college. They were very upset and said hurtful things to Curt, and he…”
“Oh no,” Rory said, his handsome face stricken with worry for a person he didn’t even know. Tears of sorrow filled his eyes for a man he’d been jealous of just moments prior.
“He survived,” Ivan rushed to assure him. “Curt had stopped taking my calls right after the incident, but I got a sick feeling in my gut when he stopped going to classes too. I checked on him and found he’d intentionally overdosed on something he’d scored on campus. He was still alive but barely. The paramedics arrived and took him to the hospital, but his folks wouldn’t let me see him during any phase of his recovery, and he never came back to school. I hadn’t seen him until I ran into him on the street Friday night.”
“I’m so sorry, Ivan.” If Rory hugged him any tighter, he’d strangle the breath right out of him.
“His husband hugged me so tight and thanked me over and over for saving his life. Curt didn’t bring up the incident, but I saw what I needed to in his eyes. Maybe getting this out in the open will help me heal and move past it.” Ivan took another deep breath for courage. “This asshole on campus, Danny, ran his mouth around school about how the world nearly had one less…” Ivan let his words trail off. He wouldn’t allow himself to think about the slur, let alone speak it.
“I get the drift,” Rory said. “You don’t have to repeat it.”
“Some people say words are just words, a formation of letters that don’t hold any kind of power.”
“Bullshit.” Rory could pack a fuckton of vehemence into two syllables.
“Anyway, Danny was stupid enough to say that shit in front of me. His bullying had taken something precious from me, and I wanted to return the favor. So I took a baseball bat to Danny’s brand-new Mustang in a fit of righteous rage. His parents had bought it for him as an early graduation present, and the smug fucker thought he was the big man on campus. When I finished, it was a mangled heap of blue metal. Several people caught everything on their phones, but I wasn’t the least bit sorry about it. I provided a running commentary for the gathered audience, letting Danny, the school, and God know what I thought about them.”
“And you got arrested,” Rory said.
Ivan nodded. “For criminal mischief. The value of the totaled car made it a third-degree felony. I plead guilty because it was the right thing to do. The prosecutor played the video before sentencing. I looked like a raving lunatic in the footage, and the judge agreed. I was wholly unrepentant and so fucking bitter, and he gave me the maximum sentence.”
“Which was?”
“Thirty-six months, and it felt like an eternity.” Ivan’s chest felt tight as he remembered the fallout during that time. “I humiliated my family. The church community they loved so much rejected them. My behavior shocked them and broke their hearts. My folks didn’t recognize the angry man from the video. They feared him.” Ivan swallowed hard and released a shaky breath. “The media coverage was brutal both for me after my arrest and during the trial and for my family back home. It turned their lives upside down. They didn’t visit me in jail or offer any financial or emotional support during the trial. My mom and brother came around quicker. We reestablished a relationship through correspondence when I was in jail. It took years for me to regain any ground with my dad. In fact, we didn’t make real peace until a few months before his death. Losing that precious time with my family is the only thing I regret about my actions. I’m not sorry about what I did just about the hurt it caused the people I love.”
Ivan looked around the hive clusters, seeing the signs of his found family everywhere. “But my mistake also brought Cash into my life. He gave me opportunities to put the information about sustainable farming practices that had intrigued me into practice. He gave me a ragtag group I love and call my family. Cash supported and encouraged my beehive business, and I won’t let him down. Which is why I agreed to do the interview with Roberto, even though I’ve been dragged through the mud by the press before and it was hard for me to say yes. I owe Cash everything.”
Rory stood on his tiptoes and kissed him. “I’m so proud of you, Ivan.”
Ivan’s heart swelled. “That means more to me than you know.” He took a deep breath and released it slowly. “As much as the people on this ranch love me, I have this weird feeling that only you really see me.”And I’ll miss you so fucking much when you’re gone.
“I feel the same way about you,” Rory replied. “I’ve spent so much time trying to be what my dad wanted me to be or the exact opposite of that to gain his attention after my mom died. And I’ve lost myself in the process. I second-guess every instinct I have or decision I make.” Rory met Ivan’s gaze with a serious expression. “Except you, Ivan. You’re just for me.”
Ivan swooped down and captured Rory’s mouth in a fierce kiss that grew hotter even as the air cooled around them. “Let’s finish the ranch tour and continue getting to know each other back at the homestead.”
Ivan showed Rory the breathtaking land while there was still daylight, then took him to see the animals. It didn’t surprise Ivan in the least when the dogs and horses greeted Rory enthusiastically, even the most skittish ones.
“How does anyone get work done around here?” Rory asked. “I’d want to love on the animals all day long.”
“Part of the love comes in caring for them properly to ensure their health and happiness.”
Ivan looped his arm around Rory’s shoulders as they headed toward the old homestead to get cleaned up for dinner. But once there, priorities shifted and so did their roles from their earlier sex session. Ivan put Rory on his hands and knees facing the dresser mirror across from his bed and gave him a little of the dominant treatment he’d teased Ivan about when they’d met. By the time they finished, they were too tired to slink over to the ranch, so they finished the rest of Ivan’s cookies for dinner. Dylan took pity on them and brought home leftover spaghetti and meatballs, then Ivan and Rory promptly locked themselves in Ivan’s room for the rest of the night.
“My first name is Riordan,” Rory whispered in the dark.
“A beautiful name for a beautiful man.”
“My dad picked it out,” Rory said, pressing his face into Ivan’s neck. His voice strained with the effort to hold back his sorrow, much like stretching an elastic bandage over a hole in the Hoover Dam. It was a losing battle, and Ivan preferred for Rory’s emotions to spill out when he was wrapped up tightly in his arms.
“I know things probably feel impossible between you right now, but I know they’re going to get better. You’re holding in a lot of emotion, and it’s not healthy. I don’t want you to explode like I did. Get it all out here. You’re safe with me. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you to trust after what’s happened to you, but I promise I’d never betray your confidence.”
Rory pressed a quick kiss to Ivan’s neck. “I know.” He sniffled once before the levy broke, releasing a torrent of tears.
Ivan held him close, rubbing his hands up and down Rory’s back and pressing kisses into his hair. He hoped his whispered words of encouragement helped, but he wasn’t sure until Rory finally started to talk.
“Dad and I used to be two peas in a pod. To be honest, one reason we butt heads is because we’re too much alike, even though we sometimes find ourselves on opposing sides of an issue. We both approach a subject with the same passion and intensity, and our intentions don’t always align. When my mother—” Rory’s voice broke, and he cleared his throat. “When my mother was living, she was this amazing mediator when we were on opposing sides. She knew the perfect way to soften my dad’s edges and could communicate things in a way that didn’t trigger my stubborn streak.” Rory chuckled before continuing. “She could literally repeat his words verbatim and get a completely different reaction from me. It drove my father nuts, and as an adult, I can understand why. As for my dad, my mother translated my sullen teenager angst into something he could understand, even if he didn’t relate to it. I’m pretty sure Charles Snyder skipped the sullen teenage phase. I think he was born an old soul. He didn’t do the rebellious stuff because he was smarter than that. But I’m also my mother’s son, and she was a real hell-raiser at times. She learned to challenge the status quo in thoughtful, nonthreatening ways. I wish she was still around to teach me those lessons and remind me that all relationships require compromise, compassion, and empathy.”
Rory swallowed hard and exhaled a shaky breath. “Dinah Snyder was our universe, and when she died thirteen years ago, she took pieces of us with her. Dad and I had completely different coping mechanisms that put us at odds more than ever. We’ve struggled to find our way back to each other since she died, and I’m terrified we’ll revert to being cold strangers again. And I hate that our dirty laundry getting aired because I confided in the wrong person could cost my dad his dream of becoming governor.”
