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I flip the lid open, noticing only a few pills left, and the half-empty bottle of Jack is on the table.
I press my lips together to stop them from wobbling. Spiraling. He’s spiraling. I know because I’ve been there. I’ve been swallowed by my darkness. I’ve been fighting it for months now. Resisting the pull as I toe the line so very carefully.
Curling my fingers around the bottle, I watch the color drain from my knuckles. I rub my free hand over my face.
Tired.
I’m so damn tired.
“Jade…”
His soft words make tingles run down my spine. I let my hand drop down and wrap my arms around myself as I slowly turn around to face him.
Prescott is standing in the doorway, a loose pair of sweats hanging on his hips, his chest bare. His hair is wet, and the circles under his eyes are so dark they’re almost black. He rubs his jaw, the stubble on his chin so long, it’s a full-on beard.
“You promised,” I say softly, but the accusation is clear in my voice.
He takes a step toward me. “Jade…”
“You promised!” I yell, throwing the bottle at him.
Of course, he’s faster, catching the damn thing before it knocks him in the head. He looks down at the bottle, guilt flashing in his eyes. “You don’t unde—”
“Oh, I understand it perfectly,” I interrupt him, not in the mood to deal with his bullshit. “I understand that you ask one thing of me when you do the exact opposite. You ask me to fight when you’ve given up.”
“Jade, I’m…”
“Save it.” A tear starts to slide down, but I wipe it away quickly. “I can’t keep doing this, Prescott,” I whisper, knowing there will be no going back once the words are out.
He blinks a few times, the realization flashing in his eyes. “W-what…”
“I can’t keep on doing this… thisthingbetween us. It’s toxic.We are toxic.” I shake my head. “And I can’t keep on watching you throw away your life for the demons haunting you.”
“No, Jade,” he takes a step closer. “I’m sorry, I—”
“I just can’t.” I shake my head once again as I take a step back. “You were lying on that floor, Prescott!” I point at the place where we found him. Traces of puke and God knows what else still spilled on the hardwood. “You were lying there, and I thought…” I clench my fingers into fists by my sides, the words coming out so fast they’re a blur. “I thought you were gone. For a split second, I thought you were dead, and the only thing I could think about was that it was my fault. That I…”
“No, Jade, that’s not tru—”
“That I did this to you,” I finish, needing to say it. Needing to voice the words out loud. My guilt. So much guilt. “Because I selfishly wanted to keep you by my side, although I knew,I knewI should let you go.”
“This isn’t your fault.”
“It is. I should have never dragged you into this when I knew I was sick. When I knew what you’ve been through. You and me, Prescott? We’re broken.”
“You’re not broken.”
“I am. I’m so broken that I don’t know how to put the pieces back together. But I have to. I have to because I have people counting on me. Nixon and Yasmin, Grace, Rei, Penelope,you… Everybody is counting on me to be strong and to beat this thing, and I can’t do that if your broken pieces are mixed with mine.”
“W-what…” Prescott’s throat bobs as he swallows. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’m going home because I can’t keep on seeing you like this. It hurts too much. I’m going home so I can heal, and for your sake, I pray that you can do the same.”
“Don’t do that, Jade.” He closes the distance between us, pulling me into his arms, and I let him. Because for all that I said, deep down, I’m weak. I’m weak, and I crave him. I crave his strength, his love. So I let him hold me. One last time, just for a few heartbeats longer. “I’m sorry. I’ll do better. I’ll— Just don’t leave.”
Another shake of my head. Another tear falls down as I gently disentangle his arms from around me and take a step back. “I have to.”
For him and for me, and for any hope of the future either of us has, I have to walk away.
