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I look away, rubbing the back of my neck as I weigh how hard it would be to get out of this bed, so I don’t have to face this conversation.
“First, he was here to watch figure skating with us, and now this?” Grace continues. “What’s with that anyway?”
“He didn’t know about the skating. It was all Spencer’s fault,” I point out.
In all honesty, I don’t know what else to tell her. There was nothing going on, not really. I returned to campus after the Winter Games, but for the better part, I didn’t get to see Prescott. God knows I haven’t been actively looking for him. But still, our paths would cross occasionally. There was no escaping that.
“Does it ever go away?” I ask softly, looking at Grace.
“What?”
“This feeling.” I rub at my chest, right where that ache is always present, like a phantom limb. “Like half of your heart is missing when he’s gone? Like all the air is sucked out of your lungs when he’s not around, and you’re drowning on dry land?”
Those green eyes soften in understanding as she shakes her head. “No. At least it didn’t go away for me. Not in all the time Mason was missing.”
“Yeah, I didn’t think so.”
Rei places her hand over mine. “You still love him.”
“I still love him,” I confess.
It’s like our lives have been intertwined together from the very first moment our paths crossed. Like he was my destiny, and I was his. Like we had to fall together into the dark, so we could find our way back.
What we had wasn’t easy or good. It was dark and twisted, but in a weird way, it was true. We were broken and bruised, but we were us.
And we survived.
We found our way back.
“Some days, I fear I always will.”
And if those aren’t the truest words I’ve ever spoken, I don’t know what is.
* * *
“How are you doing?”Yasmin looks at me as she hands me my coffee. “Nixon almost got a coronary when Prescott called him to say that he found you all but passed out in the supermarket.”
I tear a small piece of chocolate muffin and tentatively bring it to my mouth. “Nixon worries too much.”
“You almost fainted in the store! If that doesn’t require him to worry, I don’t know what does.”
“I know.” I let out a sigh. “I thought I had more time. But I’m fine now. Just one more round, and then it’s over. I’m done.”
“Hell, yes. We’re throwing a party once you’re done.”
“Shouldn’t you be preparing Nixon’s draft party?”
“Oh please,” Yasmin waves her hand. “That’s already all organized.”
I let out a chuckle. “I don’t know why I ever doubted you. How do you feel about all of that?”
“You know,” she shrugs, taking a rag and cleaning the counter. “Nervous. I want what’s best for him, but I also want him close.”
“It’s just one year.”
“I know, but it’s going to be the second hardest year of our lives.” She drops the rag into the sink and faces me. “But as long as you’re healthy, everything will be fine.”
“I know.”
