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I was exhausted from all the probing and tests they ran today, but now was finally the moment of truth.
My throat bobs as nervousness slams into me, making my palms sweaty. I shift in my seat, tucking my hands under my thighs to prevent them from trembling.
“There’s good news, and there’s bad news.” Dr. Hendriks looks up. “Which one do you want to hear first?”
“Bad,” I say; at the same time, Nixon interjects: “Good.”
We look at each other, and I give him a warning glare. I only agreed to let him sit in on this because I knew he’d drive me more insane with his meddling if he weren’t here. But also because some part of me wasn’t sure I could do this alone. Not that I’d ever admit it to Nixon.
“Okay,” Dr. Hendriks places the folder on her desk, folding her hands over them as she faces me head-on, her dark brown eyes staring into mine. I remember that from all those visits I did with Mom. I liked her directness and no-nonsense attitude, but also her kindness. “The mass in your breast is a tumor, Jade.”
My eyes fall shut as her gentle words slam into me like a tsunami.
I’m not even surprised; since the moment I noticed the first bruise and lumps in my underarm weeks ago, I’ve known it. I tried to push it back and run away from it, but there is only so far you can run before it catches up with you.
“Can we get a second opinion?” Nixon asks, breaking the silence.
“We don’t need a second opinion,” I say softly. Blinking my eyes open, I bite the inside of my cheek.
I will not cry.
I chant those words, focusing instead on the pain, and face my doctor. “What’s the verdict? What are my options?”
“Well, the bad news is…”
“I thought the fact that I have cancer was the bad news,” I huff out a laugh. Things were getting better and better.
“It’s part of the bad news, yes. The other part is that the biopsy has shown that the mass is malignant.”
“Malignant?” Nixon looks at me before switching his attention to Dr. Hendriks.
“That’s why it grew since I first noticed it. Not a lot, but…” My words trail off as my voice grows weaker, the emotions swirling back to the surface before I can shove them down. I clear my dry throat, and my tongue darts out to slide over my lips before continuing. “It used to be just a little bump, but now it’s more like a pebble.”
“Exactly,” Dr. Hendriks nods. “I know it all seems very scary, which is understandable. The good thing is you’re still in stage one. The cancer is localized in your right breast, and I’m pretty positive we can get this fucker out of your system with the right treatment.”
Her words make me choke on a nervous laughter. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Dr. Hendriks curse before. And something about this distinguished, serious doctor sayingfuckerjust does it for me.
Nixon looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, and maybe I have. I don’t even have it in me to care.
“Okay, that all sounds promising, right?” Nixon glances at me, but I bite my cheek harder. “So, what are our options? Radiation? Chemo?”
Dr. Hendriks holds Nixon’s hopeful gaze before shifting her attention to me.
“Considering your family history,” there is a hesitancy in her voice that I’m not used to hearing. I know what she’s going to say even before the words are out of her mouth.
A frown appears between Nixon’s brows. “You think this is connected to our Mom?”
“She doesn’t think that.” Nixon opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, Dr. Hendriks drops the bomb.
“Mrs. Cole’s breast cancer was genetic. Jade’s carrying the gene.”
There’s a beat of silence as her words ring in the small office. The secret I’ve been keeping since Mom got cancer is now finally out in the open.
“What?!” Nixon whips his head toward me, his eyes wide as he tries to wrap his head around it. He just stares at me for what seems like forever. “You knew about this.” His words are soft, but I can hear the accusation in his voice. I guess I should have thought about this earlier. I should have warned Dr. Hendriks that she shouldn’t mention this little tidbit, but now it’s too late.
“I did.”
I hate myself for doing this to him.
