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“Jade?” The little hope that was there dies with that one word. “Fuck!”
He turns around, his fingers curling into a fist.
Shit. I move before I even know what I’m doing, my hands wrapping around his chest and pulling him back before he can slam his fist into the first available thing. “Don’t do this. Hitting things isn’t going to help. You’ll just hurt yourself.”
“It’ll help me deal with this rage.”
“If you hurt yourself and can’t play, then all of this was for nothing.” I sink my teeth into my cheek so hard I can feel the coppery taste on my tongue.“Please, just…” I shake my head. “Please.”
Nixon’s body relaxes slightly, so I tentatively let go of him. “It was all for nothing anyway. You lost weeks, Jade!Weeks! You better than most should know how precious the time you have is. The sooner you start treatment…”
“I wasn’t ready, Nixon!”
My brother takes a step back, his eyes growing wide at my outburst.
I let out a shaky breath, my hand rubbing over my face. The pain meds have stopped working, and I could feel my entire body ache from last night’s beating.
“I’m barely twenty, Nixon. I’m barely twenty, and I spent the last year of high school watching Mom deal with this disease. I watched it rip her apart piece by piece. So I’m sorry if I wasn’t ready to face the reality of what’s in front of me. Sorry for not being ready to be poked and prodded and cut into. Sorry for not being ready to losemyselfbefore I even had a chance to find who I am.”
“Smalls…” Nixon takes a step forward, his arms wrapping around me. I try to get out of his hold, but he pulls me tight and doesn’t let go. “Maybe it’s not…”
“It is. I know it deep in my gut, Nixon. The bruises on my side. The inflamed lymph nodes under my arm keep getting worse. The bump on my b-breast…” I suck in a sharp breath, trying to calm myself. “I tried to ignore it. I tried to fool myself that it’ll all go away if I just don’t panic, but the thing is… The cancer is back.”
Four words that ruined my life two years ago, and now they’re back. Coming to haunt me. How is this happening?Whyis this happening again? Why can’t we just get a break?
Nixon pushes me back, his hands cupping my cheeks.
“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. We have to call your doctor and see what the next steps are. You’ve lost…”
“I know very well what I’ve lost!” I snap. The helplessness that’s been eating at me since the moment I felt the lump is finally rising to the surface. Taking a deep breath to compose myself, I say softly, “I’m going to deal with this. I just… I need time.”
“You don’t have time!”
“I know. But I need it anyway.” Placing my hands over his, I push him back. “Go home, Nixon.”
“You can’t…”
“What I can’t do is deal with this right now. My head is killing me, and every bone and muscle in my body hurt. I just need…”To forget.“I need to sleep.”
“What you need to do is call the doctor…”
“It’s the weekend. It’s not like she’ll answer anyway.” Taking a step back, I get into bed. The still rustled sheets are from how we awoke earlier when Nixon barged in. I place my hand over the pillow that Prescott slept on. “Please, go home. I’m going to bed.”
“Fine.” Nixon rubs his hand over his face. “But this isn’t done. I’m taking you to the doctor, and I don’t care one bit if I have to do it while you’re kicking and screaming.” He stops behind my back, his fingers gripping my chin and turning me toward him. “I’m still pissed as hell.”
“I know.”
“But you’re my sister, and you’re not alone.” Leaning down, he presses his mouth against the top of my head, holding on just a little longer than he usually does. “Whatever happens, Smalls. I’m here.”
Nodding, I let a tear fall. Nixon brushes it away before taking a step back. Neither of us says a word as he leaves the room, closing the door firmly behind him.
Letting out a shaky breath, I slide under the covers. Grabbing the pillow, I squeeze it to my chest and bury my face into it, inhaling Prescott’s scent as I let the tears fall.
I cry.
For him.
For me.
