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I nod, pushing to my feet and wishing them goodnight before making my escape. Back in my room, I slide into my bed and look up at the ceiling, unblinking. How did I get myself in a mess like this?
My fingers itch to slide them down to my stomach, but I resist the pull. Instead, I grip the sheets as the tears gather in my eyes.
Well, if you don’t make a decision soon, you might as well be as good as dead, but don’t expect me to stay around and watch it all play out.
He’s right. I know he is. I know they both are. But how didn’t they see it?
How didn’t they see how much I’d already lost? How couldn’t they see how broken I already was? And taking this little piece? I knew it would leave a wound I wasn’t sure would ever heal.
I’ve given so much already.
So freaking much.
When will it be enough?
Sniffling, I raise my arm, covering my eyes with the back of my hand.
When will it be enough?
When I’m completely broken? When there are no pieces left of me to give? When? When I’m six feet underground, buried alongside my mother?
The window creaks open, startling me out of my thoughts. The next thing I know, the bed dips as strong arms wrap around me, and the familiar pine and citrus scent surrounds me. I turn to my side, burying my head into his firm chest and let him hold me.
“I’m so sorry, Jade. Sorry for yelling. Sorry for leaving the way I did. Sorry for making you go through this.”
I let out a shaky breath, moving closer to him. Like if he holds me close enough, he can protect me from everything that’s coming our way. Like he can keep me together, mend my broken pieces, and make me whole again.
“It’s fine.”
“It’snotfine. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I should have given you time. I should have held you. I should have just been here. We should have talked about it, but dammit, Jade. I’m scared. I’m scared shitless of losing you. Ican’tlose you, Jade. I will lie and cheat and kill. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you alive. To keep you safe. Because the thought of living in a world in which you don’t exist is unimaginable for me.”
I squeeze my eyes shut as more tears threaten to fall. His words break me.Hebreaks me. And he doesn’t even know it.
That’s why I should have stayed away. I knew how this would affect him. I knew it, and I selfishly stayed because I couldn’t do this on my own, and now… And now, if something happened to me, he would be left completely broken.
It was one thing for me to break, but Prescott?
Never him.
Closing my arms around Prescott, I cling to him for dear life.
“I know you’re right,” I whisper softly, my voice muffled by the soft cotton of his shirt.
Prescott’s body stiffens under my touch, but he doesn’t try to move, so I continue: “I know I have to do it. But it was all just so unexpected.”
Prescott smooths his hand down my back, rubbing at my tense muscles. “I know, doll. I know.”
“And I know I’m not ready. We’re not ready. Even if things were different, I don’t think we would be, but for one moment…” My throat closes, and I have to work to swallow the lump that has formed. “For one moment, I could see it. I could see us, and I could see our future. I could see our family. And then it all fell apart like a tower of cards.”
“Nobody says we can’t have that later on.”
I shake my head. “We both know the chances of that are really slim.” I tilt my head back, looking at him through my tear-stained eyes. “Why does life have to be so cruel?”
“I don’t know, doll.”
“I hate this. I hate feeling this weak. I hate everything that’s happening. Can’t we get a break? Can’t we just be happy?”
“I wish I had the answer. I wish…” Prescott lets out a long breath. “I wish I could take this pain away from you, so you didn’t have to go through it. I really do. I’d do anything for you, Jade.”
