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“Isn’t it a little too early for that?” Grace asks, her brows raised.
I wave her off, opening the bottle and pouring a shot. “It’s five o’clock somewhere. Besides, if you want me to talk about this, I’ll need some liquid courage.”
Tilting my head back, I throw the contents of the shot glass down my throat. The alcohol burns my mouth, making my eyes water, but I welcome it as I refill my drink and force myself to look at my best friend.
We’ve been inseparable since the moment we were introduced to each other. She was my person, somebody who could discern through my bullshit and seeme.But just like everybody else, she’s overcome her own demons, and the last thing I wanted was to bother her with mine.
“I would have told you,” I whisper, needing her to know I’m serious about this. “Eventually. It was never my intention to hide it. I just… I needed time.”
Grace watches me for what feels like forever before softly asking, “How long have you known?”
“The first time I noticed something was wrong was when we moved in,” I admit.
“Weeks?” Grace’s mouth falls open. “You’ve known for weeks and haven’t said anything?”
“It wasn’t like that. I didn’twantto know.”
Clasping my fingers around the glass in my hand, I tell them about it all. About the bruises, the lumps in my armpit, the one in my breast, the pain, the uncertainty, thefear.
Only when all the words are out, do I allow myself to let out a shaky breath.
There. It’s out now. No more secrets. No more lies.
I thought the weight would be lifted off my shoulders, but I still felt empty.
Tired.
I’m so damn tired already, and the treatments haven’t even started.
When I look up, I find my friends watching me with trepidation and pity. It’s that look of pity that makes me snap.
“I’m not dead yet,” I repeat, my voice clipped as I grab the bottle and pour myself another drink, swirling the liquid in the glass. “There’s no need for those faces.”
“Don’t you dare joke about it, Jade Deveny Cole!” Grace chastises, getting to her feet.
“If I don’t laugh, I’m going to break, and I don’t have the luxury of breaking. Not if I want to face the weeks and months to come.”
My words make her stop in her tracks. The reality of what’s going on has finally hit her.
“What are you going to do?” Penny asks softly, her hand placed on Henry’s back, rubbing his thick fur. It’s like the dog can feel her anxiousness, so he’s sitting close to her, his head on her thigh. “What’s the process here?”
“I have to call my doctor soon and try to set up an appointment for her to get a look at the lump.”
“So it might not be cancer?” There is so much hope in Grace’s voice, and it hurts me to break it.
“It most likely is. The signs…” I shake my head. “Mom had them all.”
The silence settles over the room, making my throat tighten.
This.
This is why I didn’t want to tell them anything. It hurts too much to have them look at me like this. Like I’m going to break if they look at me the wrong way, forget talking about it.
“So? What will happen then?”
“I’ll get an appointment. The doctor will probably do a biopsy to confirm it and to see how far along my cancer has progressed. Then, we’ll decide on the best course of treatment.”
The girls exchange a silent look, and it takes all that’s in me not to snap. I don’t want their scrutinizing, pitying glances. I don’t want my friends to feel sorry for me.
