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I couldn’t go down that road because if I did, there would be no coming back from it.
Losing her wasn’t an option. Not after everything we’ve been through.
“You’ll be okay,” I whisper, brushing her hair away. Just as I pull back, her eyes flutter open, the blue of her irises seeming more intense against her pale skin. She blinks a few times, and I can’t help the smile that spreads over my lips.
“Good morning, gorgeous.”
“I quite doubt that,” she rasps, her hand covering mine. “How was your appointment? Are you cleared to play?”
She’s the one lying in bed, fighting cancer, and still, she’s worried about me. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I press my mouth against her forehead.
“Yeah, I’m all cleared to play. And you’re wrong. You’re the most gorgeous woman I know.”
“Maybe I’d be more eager to agree if I didn’t taste the puke in my mouth. You’d think after brushing my teeth twice, I wouldn’t feel it any longer, but…”
Leaning down, I press my mouth against hers. I have every intention of keeping the kiss soft, but her hand slides to the back of my neck, pulling me closer, and I give in. Cupping her cheeks, I kiss her harder, pouring every twisted emotion that I’ve been shoving back for weeks into it.
My fears, my anger, and mylove,as tainted as it might be. I give it all to her. I give her my all. She tilts her head back, her lips parting and allowing me entrance as my fingers sink into her hair. A soft moan comes from the back of her throat, and I can feel it in every inch of my body.
Changing the angle, I dive deeper, my tongue twisting with hers. I kiss her until she’s the only thing I taste, smell, feel.
Breaking the kiss, I press my forehead against hers. We’re both panting, our labored breaths mingling together. Jade slowly blinks her eyes open. Her cheeks are flushed a healthy pink, lips slightly parted, those gorgeous blues staring back at me in all their intensity. If everything else changes, that one thing will always stay the same.
“You taste like home to me,” I whisper, sliding my thumbs over her cheekbones.
She raises her hand, her fingers tracing over my lips. “I missed this. I missed feeling this close to you.”
Guilt slams into me, but I push it back. She doesn’t need my guilt. She needs me to be normal. To give her normalcy. Plastering a smile on my face, I brush my mouth over hers once again. “I’m not really good at the whole boyfriend thing.”
“You’re better than you give yourself credit for. I know things have been different…”
I shake my head. “You make me want to be better. Only you.” With one last kiss, I pull back, disentangling my fingers from her hair. “I should get a shower, I’m pretty sure I sti—”
I look down at my hand, noticing a strand of hair stuck to my fingers. My heart skips a beat as I try to brush it off before Jade notices it, but it’s already too late. Her eyes are glued to my hands, unblinking.
“Jade…” I start slowly, not sure how to handle this. Not sure what to say. Yes, we’ve both known this would probably happen. But knowing something, and seeing it happen,experiencingit firsthand are two completely different things.
Her throat bobs as she swallows, blinking quickly a few times to chase away the tears.
“It’s fine.” She looks away from me. “You were saying something about a shower?”
“Jade, we should ta—”
“No,” she shakes her head. “Not now. I can’t deal with this now.”
I watch her for a moment, unsure of what to do, or what to say to make this better.
Too soon. It’s all happening too soon.
But she’s looking at everything but me.
Time, she needs time.
Placing my hand on hers, I give it a firm squeeze. “I’ll be in the bathroom if you need me. Okay?”
“Yeah, sure.”
I open my mouth, hating to leave her like this, but no words come.
