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Empty bloodshot eyes.
His body was on the ground.
The foam clinging to the corner of his mouth, his dull, lifeless eyes staring at the ceiling.
Falling on the ground, trying to bring him back, all for nothing.
It’s all your fault.
“He was already gone. I tried to help him, but there was nothing that could have been done. His family didn’t want to do an autopsy, but there really wasn’t a need for one. He overdosed on cocaine. I could see traces of it under his nose when I was trying to bring him back.”
Penelope’s hold on me tightens as she buries her head in the crook of my neck. “I’m so sorry, Sebastian.”
“I didn’t even know,” I admit softly. “I didn’t even know that he was using coke. How messed up is that? He was my best friend, and I didn’t even know…”
Penelope pushes upright and reaches for me. Her hand cups my cheek, her fingers rubbing at the stubble on my jaw. “This is not your fault.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Did you force him to take the drugs?”
“Well, no, but…”
“Then it’s not your fault,” she repeats, completely serious. “Nobody should have to lose their friend in such a way.”
It’s all your fault. You killed him.
“Nobody ever said that to me.”
“What?” Penelope pulls back, a shocked expression on her face.
“They think I did it. And in a way, they might be right.”
“Sebastian…”
“No, they are. The only reason why he was there was because of me. He wanted to be a superstar so badly. He wanted to play his music in front of tens of thousands of people, but nobody took him seriously, so I let him tag along. I let him open up for me. I invited him into my world, and it swallowed him whole. I should have been more careful. I should have noticed something was going on with him. And maybe I would have if I hadn’t been so stuck in my own world. Maybe I would have noticed that his habits had changed from having a joint or ecstasy to take the edge off, a drink here or there, to a full-on addiction. Maybe…”
Penelope cups my cheeks, pressing her forehead against mine. “His choices aren’t your burden to bear.”
“Some people wouldn’t agree with you.”
“Some people need to focus more on themselves and less on judging others,” she says, the lines between her brows deepening. “I mean it, Sebastian. He was a grown man. He was the one who decided to take the drugs. You weren’t the one who pushed them in his hands. You weren’t the one who made him do it.Repeatedly.He made a choice every time he did so.”
“I should have seen something was wrong. Maybe if I did—”
“Maybe,” she agrees. “But even if you saw what he was doing, there is no guarantee that you would have been able to make him stop. We can only do so much, but if people don’t want to face their demons, there is nothing that you can do about it. No matter how much you want to help them, you won’t be able to until they’re ready to face their demons themselves.”
I didn’t have to ask her about what demons she was talking about. I knew already, and I wished for the hundredth time that I could have been there so I could have protected her. Although would I have? Me right now, would, without a doubt, but the guy I was before wouldn’t give a damn.
My hand finds hers, and I can feel that leather bracelet around her wrist. It’s loose just enough so I can slip a finger underneath it, sliding it over the thin line on her wrist.
How could somebody want to hurt Penelope? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. She was all the light and happiness in this world.
God, she’s perfect.
So freaking perfect.
And once again, I can’t help but wonder, what the hell is she doing here? She should be with some goody-too-shoes guy who will make her smile and buy her flowers. Not somebody like me. Somebody surrounded by so much darkness I could barely see out.
