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He was making some fascinating points, though.
For as long as I’d considered the concept of intimacy, I’d tried to connect it with a specific face. Because that was what was expected, right?
I wasn’t supposed to think that I could have it all. Instead, loving someone should have equaled finding one imperfectly perfect person and just making things work.
Maybe I was the odd one out, or maybe I spoke for many more of us who hadn’t found their voices. To me, that concept of intimacy had always felt too rigid and boxed-in.
Life itself brought us so many soulmates. I could totally say Chelsea was my soulmate, but there was no way in hell that I’d sleep with her.
I was intimate with her, but in a different way, through our bantering, shopping trips, and soul-baring conversations. That was what made her click for me. She knew what to say and how to make me feel seen.
Being around her was like having a cozy blanket on a cold winter evening, with a cup of cocoa and marshmallows for extra-homey comfort.
I knew I could find a different kind of intimacy with someone else. And that would be okay too. But whenever I thought of sharing my heart with anyone else, what bothered me wasn’t society’s urge to curb my feelings.
It was more that I was on a constant warpath with myself.
Protecting myself after what had happened tohim.
I never wanted to go through that again. I never wanted to wear my heart on my sleeve and finally have the love of my life call me up to say, “I’m sorry, you’re doing too much. It’s overwhelming. You gotta go.”
No. I wanted to embrace all of it. When I’d be ready, I wanted big love. And there was no room for fear there.
I turned my attention back to class, unwilling to dwell on the past for too long. Rumination never did me any good.
“So, if you ask me, monogamy isn't the law of nature. In fact, it is a construct intended to keep some form of order. When we think about it, do you think love can be boxed and limited to one person?”
“I think so.” A student piped up, a frown on her face. “Besides, professor, there’s no way you’re convincing my boyfriend to let me sleep with more people.”
The class broke out snickering. The boyfriend was clearly the tall dude with sandy hair beside the student who’d just volunteered her outrageous response. He blushed and glared at Professor Evans.
Who looked absolutely and gloriously unfazed.
“I’m not here to change opinions but to serve as the changemaker. I can show you the worldviews, give you options, and tell you that love is something that can happen over and over again without ever getting diminished. What you do with that information, of course, all the pillow talk” —he winked at the student— “is entirely at your discretion.”
“But how do you do it?” The question was out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
Good going, Rors. Remind me to kick you in the shins when we’re done with this damn class.
I could feel the eyes of the class on me now. This wasn’t the first time I’d attracted attention while being someone who wanted to hide behind a smokescreen.
But somehow, I kept falling smack in the center of it.
Hurricane Rory.That’s what Sam used to call me. Ugh, why was I thinking about that fake giga-Chad once again?
“Rory?” Professor Evans brought my mind back to the present, and after a second, I realized I’d been gazing into his sea-green eyes the whole time.
Great, now he’d think I was fantasizing about him too. This college was doing very odd things to me.
I cleared my throat. “Wouldn’t jealousy get in the way, Professor? Or any other emotion? Because in my mind, if you love more than one man, you’re always going to compare. It’d be like taking notes at the end of each encounter.”
There were little bursts of laughter here and there.
The professor shook his head. “No, you’re going about it differently. Tell me, Rory. Consider a pot of milk that’s already full. As full as it needs to be. And it’s boiling. You add more milk to it, and it spills over.”
I nodded, trying to make sense of his analogy.
“Now, in the same breath, consider adultery, which I’m sure I don’t need to explain.”
