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I think of how you’re brave enough to keep challenging the norms.
In fact, there are very few moments in the day when I am not thinking about you, Aurora Sullivan.
You consume my thoughts, whether I wake or sleep.
Fear has never tasted this sweet or felt this calm. You remind me of the kind of companionship I’d grown to miss.
I do not think I am afraid of how hard I’m falling for you at all.
What I am afraid of is losing you.
I cannot lose you.
By the time I finished, the paper was smudged. It wasn’t the ink that had blotted it.
I rubbed my eyes and dialed Noah’s number.
“Why didn’t you guys tell me about Emory and Rory?” I didn’t even wait for him to say hello.
He acknowledged the anguish in my voice.
“Because we didn’t want you to think you’d be losing something you care about this week, Eli.”
Was it so clear? How had they seen it before I did?
“I love her, don’t I?”
Another very pregnant pause.
“You do. It’s in your eyes, how you talk about her, how you treat her. And we’re so happy for you. We just wanted you to be in that phase—that golden glow of an early relationship.”
My reply was strangled. “But I can’t. None of us can. Not if we...”
“Eli, listen to me. I know. Both Benji and I know, and we’re doing our best. But unless Em is ready, we can’t push her into anything. And we need to wait until next month. You know that.”
I did.
“What if he asks her to take part in that abomination?”
“Our best bet is that he will. By that time, we should have a plan ready. All we need is for Em to tell us if it’ll work, but we can’t press into her trauma.”
“I can’t bear the idea of her being hurt.”
“We will be there.” Noah’s voice shook. I could hear the trepidation in it, and it struck me—he loved Rory too. He adored her.
“You’re as afraid as I am, aren’t you?” I whispered.
“I don’t think it’s wrong to feel scared, Eli. I think it’s criminal to go too fast, too hard because we’re feeling it. We’re so close.”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “Noah, you need to tell Rory about Em, though.”
“I will. I know I have to. I just... I’m in that phase too, Eli. I can’t bring myself to do it.”
I exhaled. “No, I understand. Listen, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
After hanging up, I checked with Sally’s sitter. I would need her tonight.
Once that was sorted, I sent Rory a message.
