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Jace guided me, and each part of my body began to relax. All of the tension eased from my limbs while I sank deeper. Deeper. Deeper.
A sweet voice reached my ears. I peeked at the cute redhead that had knocked on our front door.
“I’m Brynn.” She smiled, her front tooth a little crooked, but I liked it. It gave her character.
“Hi, I’m Holden.” I offered her a wave. She was pretty, and I suddenly felt shy.
I glanced around at my living room as Mom and Brynn’s mother got acquainted.
“Do you wanna go to the game room?” I asked, already bored of the adult chit-chat.
Brynn’s face flickered in and out before she answered in my memory. Suddenly everything shifted, and I stared at the white light that pierced the darkness. I walked slowly toward it, voices filling my head.
“Cupcake, honey?” Mom asked, smiling warmly at me. Hannah shoved one in her mouth, and we all laughed as a blob of icing dotted her nose.
I continued to walk down the hall, images of my past popping up on either side of me. Mallory and Hannah playing outside, Christmas morning with all of us gathered around the tree, my football games, Hannah’s volleyball games, and Mallory’s plays.
With each memory that presented itself, I was no longer convinced that my nightmares were connected. Our family was happy. We had meals together until they began to travel. Mom and Tim were active in our lives until I was around ten years old. Even then, when Mom was back, she took care of Brynn and us.
Darkness fell. Desperately, I glanced around. Where was I? A door creaked open, and moonlight spilled into the hall. I took a tentative step closer.
“Holden?” I froze. It was the same voice that had haunted my dreams.
“Yeah?” Glancing down at my hands, I realized I was only four or five years old again.
“It’s happening.”
Confusion clouded my mind. I didn’t understand. “Where are you?”
“Holden?” The voice was peppered with fear.
“I’m here, but I can’t find you.” I hurried through the door, searching for who was calling my name.
The room spun, and I grabbed my hair. “No. No. No.”
I forced myself to breathe and focus on what was in front of me.
Faceless adults were talking and laughing. Jazz music floated in the air as moans of pleasure reached my ears. Images grew clearer as I gaped. Even though my body was young, my mind was an adult.
Horror ripped through me as I watched a naked young woman crawl on her hands and knees as a man led her around by a leash. He set a bowl of food on the floor and forced her to eat like a dog. I tore my gaze away, my eyes burning with tears.
Young men were lined up against a wall. Adult women and men alike were pacing in front of them, assessing their manhood. With a single motion, each guy was selected and led out of the room.
“Holden?” The voice began to fade. “Help me.”
Frantic, I ran through the crowd, searching. Searching. Searching.
A scream reached my eardrums, and I whirled around, the room changing into a long hallway. “No!” I ran after the faceless kid as they cried and screamed my name. “Stop!” “What’s your name? Please. Tell me.” My questions were only met with sobs. Frigid cold seeped into my bones, and I shivered. Then everything disappeared.
I gasped for air. Freezing water dripped from my cheeks, and I wiped my eyes as I attempted to ground myself in the present. Spitting and sputtering, I grabbed the side of the tub and finally recognized a panicked Jace.
“Jesus, Holden,” he said through a clenched jaw. He gripped my hand and helped me stand. “This better have been worth it because I’m not sure I can bring you back again.”
I draped my arm around his shoulder as he steadied me. It took all my willpower to pick up one leg, then the other. My teeth chattered, and I glanced at the water in the tub. Chunks of ice floated on the top.
Jace handed me a plush, beige towel, and I dried my hair, still reeling from the session.
“Goddammit.” He guided me to the toilet and flipped the lid down. I gratefully sat on top, my pulse still pounding in my ears.
