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I eyed him suspiciously. “I can’t believe that you kept those notes all of these years.”
“I read them over and over again. Apparently, you’re not the only one obsessed with the technique. Mom definitely was, and I guess I was for a long time, too. I finally forced myself to leave it alone.” He looked around the living room, sadly, and sighed. “I still miss her.”
His words were so quiet I almost didn’t hear him. “I know, man.”
“Sometimes I think I hear her calling my name from the office. That probably sounds crazy, but in a twisted way it comforts me.”
“Is that why you decided to remodel? To help you process?” I’d made it a point never to tell him he’d heal and move on. There was no moving on after you lost a parent or sibling.
He reclined and propped his feet up. “Yeah. I was on the fence about selling for a while, but at least for now, this is where I want to be.”
I hesitated before I asked my next question. “Are you still toying with the idea of becoming a psychologist? It’s obviously still your passion. Don’t turn away from it because of what happened with your mom.”
Jace glanced at the papers in front of him. “I’m not going to rush into making any decisions. If I can help you, maybe I’ll consider it.” He smirked at me. “Not sure anyone can help you, though.”
I grabbed a magazine off the coffee table and chucked it at his head. “Asshole.” We laughed, then settled down and focused.
“What do the notes say?” I willed the corded muscles in my neck and shoulders to relax.
He frowned and thumbed through a few pages before he started. “There’s mention of a house and someone crying for you. You were searching through the rooms and checked a bathroom. When you saw your reflection in the mirror you panicked. We never did understand why it freaked you out.”
My hands grew clammy, and a shiver shot through me. “I remember now. It wasn’t that I saw my reflection, it was the eerie-as-fuck feeling I had when it happened. Like, I was seeing a different part of myself.” I stood, an overwhelming sense of deja vu slamming into me.
“Dreams aren’t often cut and dry. There’s a lot of symbolism, but this … this was hypnosis so I’m not sure if the same rules apply.” Jace hopped out of his chair and ran upstairs where the bedrooms were located. When he reappeared, he held up his MacBook in his right hand. “Let’s see what we can find.”
“Poor Brynn was so freaked out she never wanted to talk about it again.” I placed my hands on my hips, suddenly wondering how she was doing. I wished like hell I could be with her, but I had to stay focused on River while I waited to see if Tim would come through. “If this is connected with River in anyway, I have no fucking clue how.” I stretched, my body aching from sitting too much.
Jace flipped open his laptop, and his fingers flew across the keys. “Mirrors, mirrors. Got it.”
His gaze narrowed as he stared at the screen. “Hmm, no that doesn’t fit. Bingo.” He peeked up at me. “Mirrors symbolize the imagination and the link between the conscious and subconscious.”
“But we already know that.” Frustration seeped into my words. “I mean, we know I have a block of time where I can’t remember shit. I’ve lost memories, and they’re buried in my subconscious. I can’t shake the feeling it all ties into River’s disappearance.”
“It just confirms that whatever is going on with your nightmares and the hypnosis is definitely something that you experienced.”
I could literally feel the color drain from my face. “No fucking way.” My stomach squeezed tight, and I was ready to vomit again. I took long, deep breaths. “There’s no way I witnessed teenagers as sex slaves. It has to mean something else.” I sank onto the sofa. “Right?”
Jace and I stared at each other, a heartbreaking silence hovering over the room. “I don’t know, Holden. I want to tell you that it’s symbolism, but …” Compassion flickered across his expression. “After everything with my mom … you probably saved my life. Maybe this is my opportunity to help you in return. Regardless of what we learn, I’ve got your back. And you know Brynn and Chance will do everything in their power to help you get through whatever this is as well.”
I threaded my hand through my hair, tugging the strands in frustration. “How the hell did we get here?” I glanced at him.
“It doesn’t matter. We have to stay focused on finding the answers.”
He was right, but there was only one solution that I could think of. “Goddammit. I need to go under again.”
Jace closed his computer. “You can’t. We have to give it some time. You’re running on fumes and your nerves are fucking shot. I won’t help you do this. Not until you get some rest.”
A sharp ache spread through my chest. “What if we’re too late, Jace? What if River never makes it back?” Fear, grief, and anxiety swirled in the pit of my gut.
“She will. I don’t know how this will play out, but River is one strong woman. Plus,” he tapped the side of his head with emphasis, “she’s fucking smart. Street smart on top of it. I damn-well guarantee you that she’s figuring out a way to make it back here.”
Dawn sunlight trickled over the wood floors, etching a wide band of honey colored red light into the foyer.
Wherever River was, I hoped she could see the same sunrise. I love you, babe.
“I’m going to make some coffee and breakfast. Why don’t you raid my fridge and see what you want to eat?”
It would be useless to argue with him, but if I was going to talk him into hypnotizing me again, I had to feed my body and mind.
