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“Me, too.” We clung to each other as a mix of relief and fear swirled around us. If we’d survived for this long, we could find a way to get through this as well.
“Shit. I’m sorry, baby.” Holden released me.
I reached up and wiped his tears. “Don’t apologize. I can’t imagine how terrified you were.”
“Every time I thought I wouldn’t see you again, I swore to myself I would. There was no way I would ever give up on you.” He tucked my hair behind my ear, then pressed his lips against mine.
I sighed, content with his touch. I broke our kiss and offered him a weary smile. “I need to get cleaned up. I might feel slightly human afterward.”
“Of course. I’ll look for something you can wear while you’re getting washed up.” He ran his fingers through his hair, then crossed the room to the closet. “Maybe Brynn left a few things here. She did that if we were out late. Then she didn’t have to worry about packing a bag every night. She had some of her clothes at Jace’s and my mom’s place as well.”
Catherine. Shit. I was concerned about Holden dealing with his family secrets, but Catherine knew about her other son, if Reid was his brother. I wanted to know why she hadn’t told Holden, though.
“That would be great. We’re the same size, so anything should work.” I made my way to the ensuite bathroom, noting the counters and cabinets matched the kitchen.
A large square shower big enough for two was in the corner of the room. I seriously contemplated inviting Holden in, but I desperately needed to clean up. Plus, as much as I wanted to, I wasn’t ready to be with him yet, and when we showered together, it always led to sex. I noted the jetted tub and wondered if Holden would want one in the new house.
Leaving the door cracked, I removed my clothes and turned on the water, allowing it to warm while I relieved myself. My fingers lingered on the soft toilet paper, a luxury I hadn’t had in the cell. Soft and gentle weren’t words I would ever connect to the compound.
Once I finished and flushed the toilet, I stuck my hand beneath the spray, testing it. The temperature was perfect. Realizing I needed a towel, I rummaged through the cabinet and grabbed a plush white one. After placing it on the countertop, I stepped in and pulled the glass door closed. I hadn’t had a real shower since the one Becky-Michelle had accompanied me to.
The mere idea of her kicked my pulse into high gear. Had the FBI found her? Had they found Kassandra and Opal? Barrett? At this point I had no information at all.
Attempting to control my fear, I moved beneath the hot water and allowed it to stream over my body. Then, tilting my face up, I closed my eyes and inhaled the steam. I was home. I was safe. Holden was in the next room, waiting for me. Anxiety coursed through me as flashes of the last several weeks bombarded me. Images of the hole, living in complete darkness for days at a time, squatting in the corner to pee … I shook my head as though it might clear the fog from my overwhelmed brain.
Opening my eyes, I stared at my feet, but I didn’t see the tan tiles in the shower. It was dark, with only a tiny crack of light peeking through above me. I smelled fresh soil. The dirt walls started to close in on me, and I held my arms out, attempting to make them stop. Oh, God. Oh, God. I’d been dreaming this entire time. Had someone drugged me? I was still in the fucking hole. My head buzzed with my churning emotions as terror ripped through me. Memories swirled faster, blacker, thicker. They clawed at me until I bled.
“No! No!” I banged on the dirt walls, screaming for someone to let me out as I choked on my sobs. I wasn’t free at all. Anthony had turned on us, and now Reid and I were separated. The idea that I was locked underground again sent a scream tearing through me. I knew I couldn’t make it through that twice.
Chapter Fifteen
“River!”
I jerked away as the door opened above, and light spilled into the hole. Barrett descended the ladder into the pit and leered at me. “Don’t!” I shrieked. “Don’t you dare fucking touch me, Barrett!” My legs wobbled as I attempted to steady myself. I would have to fight off this motherfucker again.
“Babe, it’s Holden. River, listen to my voice. You’re home with me. We’re at Chance’s. Reid is in the kitchen with Jace.” Holden reached out to me, then hesitated.
I grabbed the sides of my head, my body trembling uncontrollably. “Don’t touch me.” I backed away as much as I could, but the space beneath his house was small, and there wasn’t anywhere I could go.
“Look at me. River, you need to look at me. It’s Holden.”
My mind was playing horrible tricks on me. Barrett’s face blurred, then Holden was in front of me, then Barrett again. Once Anthony had turned on us, they must have drugged me because I swore that I heard Holden talking to me. The image of the shower flickered in and out of my vision. The tiles came into view, as did Holden. But I still didn’t trust what I was seeing.
“Holden?” I raised my head, my tears mixing with the water.
“It’s me.” He reached out. “I swear, it’s me, baby.”
I glanced around, once again in Chance’s shower. The love of my life had jumped in with his clothes on, horror written all over his features.
My body trembled as I reached out to him, images of Reid and I holding hands flickering through my exhausted brain. I hesitated, still unclear where I really was, and which one was a horrible flashback.
“Can I touch you?” Holden remained rooted in place.
Our eyes locked, and I nodded.
He took my hands, and we stood motionless, staring at each other. The slurp of the water circling down the drain confirmed where I was. “Can I—I want to stay with you if you need me to. I’ll keep my clothes on … we don’t need to do anything. That’s not why I’m here. Let me help, babe.” Holden’s chest heaved with his words. “Maybe I can wash your hair and just talk to you?”
Could I trust my own mind to understand that I was really with Holden? Or had I split inside myself, unable to manage what had happened at the compound?
