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“I hate to cut it short, but I need to see what’s going on with our girl. I’ll catch you guys later.”
After Chance ended the call, I sat in silence, my wheels turning a million miles an hour. Slowly, I looked at Holden. “Is she going to die?” I pinched the bridge of my nose, holding back the onslaught of tears that were trying to escape.
Holden shook his head adamantly. “No. Not again.”
“Again?” What the fuck?
A tight line cut across his forehead as he observed me. “The first time Brynn had chemo … she had a bad reaction. Turns out she was allergic to the treatment. She flatlined.” Pain flashed across his features, and his jaw clenched as he obviously struggled to hold it together.
Fear dug its claws into me. I blinked several times, breathing in, hoping to fill my lungs with much-needed air. Brynn wasn’t allowed to die.
Slowly, I rose from my seat and knelt in front of Holden. I laid my head on his lap and wrapped my arms around his waist, giving into the heartbreak. I muffled my cries against his stomach. Holden smoothed my hair as we grieved over Brynn’s diagnosis together.
“I love you, River.”
I sat up, our gazes locking. His eyes were rimmed red, and mine burned. “I love you, too.”
He leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss against my mouth. “I need to ask you something, and please be honest with me.”
Frowning, I nodded. From his tense posture, this wasn’t going to be good. “Yeah, of course. What is it?”
He looked away, then back again, his expression blazing with determination. “Are you in love with Reid?”
Chapter Nineteen
I stared at him in disbelief, attempting to articulate my response, but I was too stunned. Licking my lips, I shook my head. “No, Holden. You’re the only guy I’m in love with.”
Holden’s shoulders visibly relaxed. “I needed to make sure.”
Still puzzled, I needed to understand where this was coming from. “Why would you ask me that?”
Holden collapsed back on the couch. “The way you two look at each other, and you’re comfortable in his arms.”
“I am comfortable with him.”
A flush crept across my cheeks. This wasn’t good. At all. Reid and I had been in cells and assaulted. He kept me sane, and I gave him hope. But I wasn’t in love with him.
Holden rubbed his face, and I suspected our conversation spiked his insecurity.
“I’ll try to explain it to you, but I’m not sure I can. Reid and I went through a trauma together. No one else was with us the nights we talked until the sun came up. The secrets he shared with me, how he’d been beaten and raped over and over again. I promised that, if we managed to escape, he would have a family here. Reid is my family, and I’m his. He was a light when I was in a horribly dark place. All of this was said before I ever saw him. We had no idea what the other one looked like.” I rose, needing to pace and work out my anxiety. “When he found out I was pregnant, he fucked a guard to get me a blueberry muffin because I hadn’t eaten for a few days. That was our life there. That was his life, Holden. Since he was a little kid. Giving sex in exchange for basic shit we take for granted.”
Holden blanched, and he rubbed his clean-shaven jaw. “That’s screwed up.”
“I was lucky. Even though I lost the baby, he or she saved me in more ways than I even understand. I was never raped like Reid or the hundred other victims. And … and when I was assaulted, I fought like hell until I was held down, then the only person I thought of was you.” My pulse thumped wildly against my wrist with my omission. If Holden was concerned about us, I couldn’t fuel the worry with my confession about Barrett.
Holden stood, anger evident in his expression. “When I meet that motherfucker, he will pay for touching you.” His tone was laced with venom, and I wondered if he would kill someone for me. I had no doubt in my mind that I would end a life to protect him.
Heat coursed through me with his possessiveness. I pushed up on my tiptoes and kissed him. “I call dibs. I have plans for the son of a bitch.”
Holden brushed the hair off my forehead. “I didn’t mean to upset you concerning Reid. Guys just know this shit. Babe, I think he’s in love with you.”
“I can’t right now, Holden. If he is, he’s going to have to deal with it. I’m at maximum capacity, and unable to give anyone any more than I already am. You’re my first and only love. I would die for you. I’ll go through hell for you. Only you.” Standing so close to my boyfriend sparked a flame in my lower belly. Inside, I shook with anticipation, and my body hummed with longing. I wanted Holden’s skin against mine, his mouth all over me, replacing the stench of the memories with Barrett.
His lips shadowed mine, inhaling my desperation and desire.
“Can I touch you?”
He didn’t need to ask. I moved his hand beneath the T-shirt and my pajama tank. He gently cupped my breast. “I need you.” I arched into him. “Please.”
