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Holden released me, then scooped me into his powerful arms and carried me to the bedroom. He placed me on the bed, then closed and locked the door. His erection tented his basketball shorts.
“I don’t want to trigger you, babe. Tell me to stop anytime.”
I sat up and tugged off his shirt, then my tank. The cool air brushed across my nipples. I shed my shorts and thong, tossing them on the floor.
His gaze raked up and down my body, love and lust evident in his expression.
“Take off your clothes,” I said, parting my legs for him. I’d be damned if Holden thought he was losing me, and the fastest way to prove it was to show him how much I wanted him. Needed him.
Holden stepped out of his shorts and boxer briefs, his thick cock pressing against his stomach. As he pulled his shirt over his head, I moaned at his perfection. A dark smattering of hair covered his chest and trailed down his abs. He wrapped his long fingers around his shaft, a bead of precum leaking from the tip. My tongue darted across my lip.
Holden crawled onto the bed next to me. He rolled to his side and propped up on his elbow. “You’re so beautiful.”
I touched his jaw, his skin warm and smooth beneath my fingertips. “You don’t have to ask, just touch me. I’m all yours.” Mentally, I promised to focus on him in hopes it would stop any flashbacks.
“Okay, but if—”
I placed my fingers against his mouth. “Stop talking.” I leaned up and kissed him, then directed his hand between my thighs. A gasp escaped me as he gently spread me apart. His thumb grazed my clit, massaging it in slow circles.
“Get comfortable, babe, and let me take care of you.”
I sank into the pillows, then Holden took my nipple between his teeth. I fisted his dark hair and my back arched off the bed.
Barrett’s ugly mug flickered in and out of my vision, and I mentally punched him in the nose. That bastard wouldn’t come between Holden and me. Focusing on Holden, I attempted to relax as he eased a finger inside me. I froze as flashes of Barrett’s assault rippled through me.
He gently kissed me, then peered deep into my eyes, his expression determined and sincere. “We’re moving too fast, babe.” He removed his hand from my core, and I clenched my teeth.
“Don’t stop. I need to push through this. Please.” I gripped his arm, my plea sounding desperate, needy. I was. I wanted Holden to wash away the memories that haunted me.
“I can’t rush you. I love you. If you fell apart because we were together too soon after everything you’ve gone through, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. We can take our time. You’re more important to me than the sex.”
“I don’t deserve you,” I whispered, struggling to breathe above the panic running rampant inside me. If Holden knew that Barret had made me come, he wouldn’t want me anymore. I’d betrayed him. I’d betrayed myself. He would never forgive me. Intense pressure settled on my chest, and I swallowed painfully over the anguished lump in my throat.
“Whatever happened, River, you don’t ever have to talk about it. We’ll be okay. I promise.”
I curled into a ball and hid my face. Agony ripped through me, threatening to shatter me beyond repair. Holden held me as I shook. Dan, my asshole guardian, had been child’s play compared to Barrett and the compound. I’d used my anger to protect me, shield me from losing my mind. I’d built steel walls around my heart, but Holden held the key to breaking through them. If the floodgates opened, I wasn’t sure I could survive the pain.
***
Once Holden booked the penthouse and our flight to Portland for that evening, we made sandwiches for lunch. Jace and Reid returned shortly after, carrying bags from Nordstrom and Target. I couldn’t help but smile at the contrast between the stores.
Jace had also picked up a few things for me, which was super sweet. Holden must have called the doctor because there was a Walgreens bag with my new birth control pills. Excusing myself, I hightailed it out of the kitchen and into the master bathroom. As soon as I was behind closed doors, I popped the first pill immediately. I loved Holden, but another pregnancy couldn’t be on the table at the moment. Within minutes, I’d brushed my teeth, applied deodorant, and brushed my hair. Jace had also chosen a package of thongs, a few T-shirts, polo shirts, three pairs of designer jeans, socks, and a new pair of Nikes. Brynn had shopping competition. He was amazing.
Feeling human, I waltzed out of the bedroom with purpose. Holden released a low whistle, making me giggle. The soft turquoise top and light wash skinny jeans fit perfectly. Reid had changed clothes as well, now sporting a navy polo shirt and jean shorts. I swallowed hard. He would never know how much it startled me when I looked at him. It was like Holden was standing in front of a mirror.
Jace and Reid turned, and Jace’s face lit up. “Damn, I’m good.” He attempted to high-five Reid, but Reid stared at him with a blank expression, confused about what he was supposed to do.
“It’s all good, man. Just leave me hanging like that.” Jace folded his arms across his chest, feigning hurt feelings.
Our laughter filled the air, then I explained to Reid how a high five worked. If I pretended hard enough, I could imagine that he was an exchange student who didn’t know much about our culture. It was easier to teach him and not sink into a dark mood. After years of being a sex slave, Reid might be a master in the bedroom, but he was naïve about how the rest of the world worked.
“Oh, one more thing.” Jace slid an iPhone box to me. “Brand new and all yours.”
I clutched it to my chest. “Thank you for picking it up for me.”
“I got one, too.” Reid held his cell, frowning at it. “I’ve seen these, but I have no idea what to do with it.”
“I’ll help set both of them up,” Holden offered.
