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She plopped down and leaned against me. I put my arm around her.
“I’m scared,” she whispered. “And I’m so sorry for acting like a total bitch the other night. I should have never kissed you, and I had no right to drag Reid into hell with me. He seems like a great guy. He deserves a chance to live his life without being implicated in a murder.”
“It’s over. You’ve never ever acted like that before, so it was easier to let it go. Besides, that wasn’t the Brynn we know and love. I knew it, and so did the guys. Once I mentioned the edible, everyone understood what was wrong.” I wrapped a strand of her red hair around my finger. “Are you in love with me or were you stoned off your ass?”
Brynn sat up. “I’m confused, actually. I have feelings for you, but I think having a best friend as close as you are … Maybe I’ve misunderstood some of what I feel. I’ve never loved a girl like I do you. Our relationship is special, and I trust you. That’s all new to me. It’s always been the guys I’ve felt that way about. Am I making any sense?”
“Yeah. It’s new for me, too. Addison and I couldn’t … didn’t talk about boys or clothes or kidnappings.” I grinned at her, trying to inject a bit of humor into an intense conversation.
“Well, I wish we hadn’t discussed kidnappings either. I wish it hadn’t happened.” Her expression twisted with grief and guilt. “So, are we good? You’re not pissed at me anymore?” A deep sadness filled Brynn’s green eyes.
I covered her hand with mine. “No Brynn, I’m not mad at you. I was only irritated that evening. The following morning, you were your normal, loving self. I know you’re terrified that the chemo won’t work, and so am I, but I refuse to give up on you. You’re going to beat this. I’ll be your rock until you can believe it for yourself. We all will.”
Brynn nodded. “We should have an answer next week. I’ll talk to the guys before I leave. I asked you to not say anything for a few days, and you granted me that. Thank you.”
I stifled my cry, grief tearing through me like a hurricane, leaving my soul in a million pieces. What if this was over, and I never saw her face to face again? “Can’t I stay? I’ll rotate with Chance so he can have some sleep. We all will. I don’t want to go back to Spokane without you.” I hiccupped and pressed my lips together, swallowing the resentment that was lodged in my throat. Fuck cancer.
“You need to be with Holden and Reid. Chance will be here with me. I’ll be in good hands, and we’ll talk on the phone every day. Now that you have a cell again, we can text and Snapchat as well.”
“Brynn, please. We should be here with you.” Begging had never been my style, but I had no shame when it came to Brynn.
She tucked my hair behind my ear and smiled. “River, I don’t want you to see me like this. I need you to remember me looking somewhat normal. The next round will kick my ass. My hair will begin to fall out, I’ll lose more weight. I don’t want you to remember me like that.”
I pulled her in for a tight hug as we cried together. “I love you. Don’t you ever forget it,” I whispered to her. “Be good to Chance. Tell him the truth, Brynn. He needs to know that you’re in love with him, too.”
She sat up and wiped her face. “I definitely owe him an apology. His feathers got ruffled with Reid, but he doesn’t get upset with Jace at least. But our friendship is different.”
“Do what feels right. If you don’t want to tell him, don’t. But let him know how special he is. He deserves that.”
Brynn nodded. “I’ll see you soon.” Brynn covered her mouth as her shoulders shook with her cries. “I refuse to say goodbye to you.”
I nodded. “Same. In fact, we’re going to plan the next trip down. Let’s do something fun. Celebrate the good results.”
“Okay.” She reached for my hand and squeezed it. “Love you, babe.”
“Love you, beautiful.” I sniffled as Chance and the guys joined us in the living area. We exchanged hugs and kisses, then Chance and Brynn left the penthouse. I curled into a ball in the corner of the couch and sobbed. Holden scooped me up into his muscular arms and carried me to the bedroom. He held me for the next few hours, allowing me to fall apart.
Once I’d settled down, I smacked my palm against my forehead. “Shit. Brynn didn’t tell the guys about the chemo most likely not working.” I pushed up into a sitting position. My nose was stuffy, and my eyes felt like sandpaper.
“She didn’t need to. It was probably too much for her to deal with after saying goodbye. But she gave it all away when she said she kissed you. The guys just needed confirmation. It’s what we were talking about before Brynn left.”
“So Jace and Reid understand it might be the last time we see her?” A stabbing pain dug its claws into me, slicing me open and ripping my heart out. I blinked several times, breathing in, hoping to fill my lungs with much-needed air.
“Yeah. We’ll talk to her though. Chance promised he would keep us all up to date.”
I nodded, pulling my knees to my chest. “She’s scared of settling down right now. Her main focus is living the remainder of her life if she can’t beat the cancer. She also apologized for kissing me, as well as the ‘I love you’ confession. It all happened after her edible.”
“Man, she’s never allowed to have that kind again. It certainly wasn’t our Brynn who was talking that night.”
“I agree. It was an alien talking out of their ass.”
Holden chuckled and sat up, combing his fingers through his hair. “Are you ready to go home?”
“No. I don’t want to leave her, but she made me promise.” I wiped my cheeks, hating that she was making us go back to Spokane. We should stay here with her. “Plus, we’re not going to our own place. We’re going to Chance’s.”
“I know. I’ve been thinking a lot about what that looks like for us. Why don’t we visit the property in Sandpoint and see what you think?”
“When?” As far as I was concerned, the sooner the better. I needed to have some stability with Holden again. My life had drastically changed, and I was spinning from the last several weeks at the compound, the situation with Reid, and Brynn’s battle with the cancer monster.
