AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I ran my thumb over the condensation on my glass, watching the droplet of water run down the side. “I don’t have a lot of memories. I was almost four when I landed at Dan’s.” I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable with the topic, but Holden had a right to know. My stomach twisted into painful knots as I decided to tell him the truth. He wasn’t the only one that had lost someone.
“I was three ...” A lump formed in my throat, and tears pricked my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. It was in the past. I sighed, then looked at Holden. “Mom had a bad habit of disappearing. I was too young to be able to read the clock, but it seemed like it was for days.”
“You were alone?” Holden nearly shot out of his chair, his expression showcasing his horror at the idea.
“Yup.” I stirred my drink with my straw, then took a long pull. “The last time I wasn’t alone, though. I had a baby brother ...”
“River.” Holden slid to his knees and gently cupped my cheeks. “You don’t have to tell me.”
A tear streamed down my face. “I’ve never told anyone the details before. Other than the police, Department of Child Services, and Dan, no one else even knows.” I turned away and closed my eyes, trying to contain the geyser of grief that had welled up inside of me.
“My brother’s name was Alan. He was six months old at the time. I don’t have any idea where Mom went, but when Alan got hungry … I used a kitchen chair and scoured the cabinets and refrigerator for food, but I only found a few cans. Guess who didn’t know how to use a can opener?” I offered him a weak smile, guilt swirling inside my gut like a tornado gaining momentum.
“The social worker said the police found me curled around Alan in his crib. He—”
I sank my teeth into my bottom lip, inviting the physical sting to relieve the gut-wrenching emotional pain. “He died next to me with his little fingers wrapped around mine.” My body trembled violently, and Holden removed my drink from my hands. Bile swam up to my throat, and I gripped the arms of the chair, my mind reliving those dark moments. “Later I was told that there were claw marks at the door where I’d tried to escape. I didn’t understand that it was locked.” I hiccupped through my tears, my heart shattering into a million pieces. “I couldn’t save us, Holden.” I folded over, hiding my face from him as an anguished cry escaped me and I came undone.
“Jesus.” Holden pulled me into his lap and rocked me as I sobbed against his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, River. Oh, babe. I’m so sorry.” He kissed my cheek.
My tears eventually slowed, and my body shuddered as I inhaled a deep breath. “I understand your need for redemption more than you realize. When you told me about Hannah, I overreacted because it was like you reached inside me and reminded me of my own failure to protect someone I loved.” Closing my eyes, I tried to regain my composure. I’d never cried like this in front of anyone.
“When I was old enough to understand what happened, I swore I would never be vulnerable or unable to take care of myself again.” I lifted my head and glanced at him through my damp eyelashes. “After I broke my leg, I didn’t stay because I needed you to baby me. I stayed because of you. I was already falling for you. I was just lying to myself about it.”
Holden placed his soft lips against mine, cementing me in the present moment where I was safe and loved.
“What happened to your mom?” He smoothed my hair, then twisted a strand around his finger.
I gave him a half shrug. “They never found her. Dan thinks she overdosed and fell in a lake or got lost in the woods. Her body was never recovered, but she used heavily, according to people that knew her. It explained why she would disappear.”
“I love you, River. You’ll never be alone. I know you’re strong and can defend yourself against assholes, but I want to make your world a better place. A place where you’ll never find yourself in a situation like that again.”
Holden’s words were a healing salve to my broken soul. “Then what are we going to do about your dad?”
“First, I need to figure out how long he’s going to be home. Most of the time it’s only for a week. While he’s here, I won’t leave you alone at the house with him. I’ll skip school tomorrow. It’s Friday and I only have two classes. I can work on the assignments at home, though.”
“I’m not crazy about the idea of you missing class, but if I went to the campus with you, I’d just follow you around like a lost little puppy.” I smiled and kissed him gently.
“If things get any worse, I’ll send you to Brynn’s. She has plenty of room and her parents are in Greece right now.”
“I like backup plans.” I placed my palm over his heart, the steady rhythm calming my nerves.
“Why don’t I see if Brynn can take you shopping tomorrow afternoon? I think some girl time would do you good. Besides, you need more clothes now that your cast is off.”
“I feel like you’re my sugar daddy. I don’t like it, Holden. I’m healing and I want to be a partner in this relationship. I want my own money and independence.”
He smoothed my hair. “Do you want a job at 4 Play?”
I jerked my head up. “Umm, what kind of job?”
Holden’s laugh filled the room. “Nothing with the clients, babe. I need someone in the back office. You can wear jeans and a T-shirt for all I care. You won’t deal with the public.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, debating if this might be a good fit and allow me to get some additional experience.
“River, you’re smart as hell. You also have great instincts. You’ll be trained well. I would much rather have a person that I trust than someone I don’t know at all, especially in this position.”
My forehead wrinkled in question. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I wouldn’t have brought it up if I weren’t. It’s a part time position, but once you get the hang of it, and if you like it, there’s easily more hours available. I also need a backup for inventory at the bar, and I know you won’t drink it all when you’re counting it.”
