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“But you know this is for the best. Just use the time to get yourself sorted, save some money, and I’ll let you see him regularly. You know, not many people get this opportunity.”
Deep down, I know what she’s saying makes sense, but it’s not what I want to hear.
With tears in my eyes, I admit, “I don’t think I can walk away from here without him.”
“You will. You’ll do it for him.” Turning her cold eyes away from me and toward Thomas, she calls him over.
“It’s time to go now, Thomas. Say goodbye to Mummy. You’ll see her again soon.”
Thomas’s eyes fill with tears, and I hate myself. If I had been a better mother, we wouldn’t be in this situation now.
“But I want to go home with you, Mummy,” he pleads. It takes everything in me to hold my shit together.
“You go with Nanny today, and I’ll call you tonight, okay?”
The first tear that rolls down his cheek nearly kills me. The rest just make me numb.
“I’ll see you again in the week. Be a good boy and go with Nanny.”
“Okay,” he says, his bottom lip quivering.
“Mummy loves you, okay? Never forget that.”
“I love you too.”
His declaration lingers with me during the bus ride home, and as I climb straight into bed. Here, no one can see or hear me fall apart.
