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“What the fuck is wrong with you two? This ends tonight. If you don’t tell him, then I will.” I stood, straightening to my full height. I waited for Judas to laugh or argue with me.
“You’re right, Jeno. It ends tonight.” Alyssa threw her towel on the back of my chair and flicked her eyes quickly at Judas. She left us there alone, walking to their bedroom where my father was.
“What is going on?Do you really think you two can just be together? It’s sick, and it’s making me feel sick. I don’t know how you sleep at night.” Jeno stood and waved his hands around like a frantic flying insect.
I wanted to laugh, call him a pussy. But ironically, I understood why he felt that way. He had always been glued to our mother’s side. He would cling to her and cry when she would try to leave, until she would push him off her just to break away. Instead, I stood as well and put my meaty arm around his shoulders. I pulled him into a hug, and he resisted.
Trying to distract myself from thinking about Alyssa being alone with Kostas, in a heated moment; I grabbed two glasses and a bottle of Irish Whiskey. I poured the brown liquid into both and shoved one toward him. It clinked with his beer, and he sat back down.
“Cheers, to always being honest with one another and living life the way we want.” I raised my glass to him, and he raised his to mine. We clinked the glasses together and threw back the shots. I wiped my mouth and slammed the glass down, refilling it again.
Jeno winced, “Well, if we’re being honest then I have something I think you should know.”
I kept my hand around my glass, watching the liquid swish in circles while I curled my wrist.
I waited, then looked down at him. “What is it?”
“Alyssa sold the marina. And she’s going to leave.” He pushed his glasses up on his face, staring into his empty glass. I felt the blood drain from my face, and I steadied myself with one hand on the counter.
“Alyssa told you. That she’s leaving?” I asked him, sipping my drink.
“She did. On her boat. She also told me she knew mom.”
Twenty questions tumbled through my mind all at once, but I feigned knowledge. “I know.”
“You know? Does that mean you’re going with her? You’re nine-teen fucking years old, Judas. Don’t be an idiot over some pussy.”
I grabbed the bottle and the glass and whipped around the bar to the other side, next to him. “I know how goddamned old I am, Jeno. You should shake up your life a little for some pussy.”
I stormed up the stairs to my bedroom, hearing the front door bang as I made it to the top. I sat at my desk chair and gave myself a generous pour of whiskey but left my door open.
Just in case my angel needed me.
I walkedinto the bedroom in my bare feet and robe, Kostas frame hunched over his dresser unpacking.
I walked up to the vanity beside him, grabbing a hair tie and putting my hair up in a ponytail, the ends brushing just past my shoulders. Kostas stood and rubbed his palms on the legs of his pants.
“I know about the house. I know that it’s Hannah’s family’s that was left to her. And you took advantage of the knowledge that she would never come back here. You squatted here. In OUR house.” He was pointing at the bed with his finger, but his eyes remained on the floor. His voice was stern, steady. His nose bruised and purple, a small bandage still along the middle of it. I wondered if he wasn’t yelling, only because Judas was in the house.
I had planned on telling him about everything. He already knew that I was selling the marina. We came to that decision together. But I was going to do it in a note-leaving-in-the-middle-of-the-night kind of way.
“Then why didn’t you know about this beach house, Kostas? She didn’t even tell you about it! And let’s not forget, you two are divorced now. She ran off with a scuba-diver, remember?” I stood with my hand on my hip, feeling confident about saying what I wanted. I had muscle upstairs, behind me.
He clenched his fists at his sides but took a few deep breaths before he chose his words. “I don’t even know who you are. Neither do my kids, which is frightening.” I crossed my arms over my chest and laughed.
“Your two sons know me better than you do! They’ve brought more happiness into my life than you have. What’s frightening is that now they have to live with just you.” It was liberating to say it, for me and for Judas, too. When you put your hands on a child, you were literally molding them with your fists. Remarkably, Judas turned out the way he did.
“Shut up! Just stop! Get out, this isn’t your beach house. Get the fuck out! You have one hour.” He looked down at his watch, then unbuttoned his shirt.
“You want me to shut up? You want me to be quiet and keep all the contemptuous thoughts I’ve had about you, held in my head?! I’ve had men always make me feel like I should make myself smaller. I don’t want to shrink myself anymore! I want to be me!” I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes, but I refused to let him see.
There was a brief time when I first met Kostas that I thought something special could have been there between us. And just like my ever-comical marriages that crumbled time after time; that did too.
“I’m taking a shower, and when I get out- I want you gone.” I stood in the empty room, the shower turning on in the next room. It was done. I could go. I was free. I already packed most of my things for the weekend, but I had little here. Most of my things were on the boat.
My body tingled, and adrenaline made my heartbeat fast in my chest. I had clothes to pack, but I wanted to grab my wine more than anything. I hurried to the kitchen, wiping away my tears. Judas leaned against the wall at the end of the hall near the stairs. He’d been listening.
I kept myself from running to him, but we both rushed to one another as soon as he saw me step into the light. We crashed into each other, and he lifted me, slamming me up against the hallway wall, raining kisses over my mouth. I found his lips in the frenzy and tasted his smokey, bitter tongue.
