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My magic, my immortality, would always surround her; I could stretch it for miles. I had no doubt in my mind I would always have an eye on her.
Would she inherit my magic? Would my gifts be passed down to her?
All I knew right now was that I would never be a good mother.
***
England 1678
Each time I came to visit Annabel, she looked more and more morose—devoid of any purpose. I knew the man she was with was not the right one, another man who followed the church, another man who would only disappoint her with all his requirements. He did not love my child—he only loved God.
I visited her more and more, leaving her gifts of enhanced crystals, feathers and skulls of small woodland animals. She became stronger, until one day, she had a baby of her own. Another spritely little red head named Lux.
I couldn’t have been prouder, as I watched her hone her craft—creating magical wards and spells that could never be undone.
Until one day, the men. They came for her.
I watched, from a cluster of faraway trees, their shadows keeping me hidden. The little girl shouted at her father, begging him not to take her, but it was already done.
I knew exactly who was behind this, and I could do nothing to stop it. I never claimed her as my own, so how would I keep her from harm if she didn’t know who I was?
I thought about rushing to Domenico, to Dante, but I knew it would be futile to plead with the men I left behind thirty years ago. This was their revenge, and I should have known Domenico would keep an eye on the baby that I fled from.
He was a man, he craved power, his only gains behind a faceless God that everyone feared.
If you didn’t believe—punished. If you sinned—punished again. And the sting had returned at the reminder of the day I was cast out of Eden as a demon, forgotten and discarded.
Women were disposable to men, and the more we were oppressed, the higher up on the food chain they became.
I wept, naked and with my hair curled around my body, caked in dirt and tears. When I pictured Annabel’s heart shaped face, and large green eyes, I was transported to the stake.
Flames licked her feet, and she begged for a chance to explain herself.
I’d sunk to my knees, finally giving in to the need to cry, to release my anger and sadness that I held inside of me for too long.
I looked at the sky, the endless rows of clouds and grey. And for the first time since the day I fell through the sky, I spoke to God, full of indignation and hopelessness.
Why have you failed me? Forsaken me? I do not deserve this punishment. You were supposed to love me unconditionally!
I wrapped my arms around myself, letting the tears fall. I rocked myself back and forth, remembering that I was the only one who I’d ever been able to rely on. I crack open, I break, and I allow myself to feel every bitter sting of whips I’d been given. I allowed myself to feel the burn and break of bone that threatened to tear me up from the inside out, but I never let it.
Tears stained my hair, my hands, and my face. I watched as her body became nothing but ash and cinders. I cursed God, and I cursed the men. I was weak, and her death was all because I was not brave enough to be a mother. If I was there, if I had kept her, this would have never happened.
I briefly thought of taking my own life, slicing my wrists and bleeding out at the edge of the forest as I watched her turn into smoke.
Instead, I asked for pity, I asked her for forgiveness.
My sweet child, if only you realized this was just your natural way, you have done nothing wrong except acknowledge the power within you. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…and I hope that you can forgive me.
Her screams burned inside my ears, and only fed my rage that had once laid dormant inside of me while I was in the arms of Domenico.
I would be lying if I said my heart didn’t yearn for him, but I was Lilith and I did not need any man. I was created to walk alone on a path of redemption, a path that led me straight to this very place where I stood, as I watched my child burned alive for hersins.
And who was to say that her sins were not theirs? Perhaps her sins were an effect of men’s sins? She would never had to protect herself with wards if the man she loved caressed her skin instead of striking it. She would not need love spells on others if her heart was content with the man she called a husband.
I gained invisible wings the day she died, and I flew from place to place without memory or direction. I floated above the clouds, until I had no energy left and had to rest. I had no choice, and I would need food inside of my half-human, half-God body.
I cursed under my breath, finding a small clearing in the Welsh woods from where I’d come.
