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“Yes, son, she left me devastated after losing my mother and learning the truth about Grady. But you need to understand, I completely shut down on her. Your mother and I, well, we didn’t have the easiest road. As you know, her parents are wealthy and didn’t think I was good enough for her. She let their influence, and the fact I shut her out, make her leave. Granted she could’ve stayed and fought for me, but she didn’t. I loved her so much, but I pushed her away.”
My heart is pounding out a chaotic tattoo. “Okay, but that doesn’t explain why she left me behind without a second thought. She’smy mother.” I say with deadly calm although a storm of anger is howling in my chest.
“Son, I know. I think she thought you hated her for leaving, so she eventually gave up hope of having a relationship with you. It’s like she was playing chicken and got scared and ran instead of standing her ground and fighting.”
I stand quickly, pushing my chair back as I do. I run my hands through my hair, tugging wildly.What am I hearing right now? How am I supposed to be reacting to this?
“If she cared, if she truly loved me, then why didn’t she fight for me whether she thought I wanted to be fought for or not? When she left, it changed something in me. Do you know I’ve never had a girlfriend, Dad? Never. I don’t catch feelings. I have little flings and then I’m done. Which is okay. It hasn’t been an issue until now.”
Dad gets up and puts a hand on my shoulder. “What’s different about now?” He knows without asking, but he calmly waits for me to tell him.
“It’s different now because I met someone Icouldlove. Someone whocouldbreak me. Just like Mom did to you—like she did to me when she left and didn’t look back. How can I ever trust a woman,love a woman, if my own mother didn’t love me enough to stay or to fight to be in my life?” I raise my voice almost to a shout.
Then something happens I haven’t let happen in years…I cry. I cry from the bottom of my heart while my dad wraps me in a tight hug.
“Son, you are loved. You are so loved. You deserve big, beautiful love—the forever kind. I promise you; I’ll help you see that.”
I cling to him, to this man I used to think hung the moon. The hurt little boy I was when my parents split up surfaces. In my soul, I know Dad means what he says because under all the drinking, this version of my dad has been there, buried under his own emotional hell. The problem is, I think there’s only one person who could ever really fix what was broken inside me. And that person is my mother—the one who chose to act like I didn’t exist.
Iget back home and throw the deadbolt. Monday, I need to check in with work. I’ve taken some time off with all that’s happened, but I still need to check in. I haven’t decided how much time to take yet. I’m recovering, but it’s not only a physical recovery…it’s emotional and mental.
My phones beeps with a text message.
Taylor:We need to talk. You’ve avoided me long enough.
Me:We have nothing left to say. It’s over between us. Has been for a long time. But if there was any doubt, what you did that night put the last nail in the coffin.
Taylor:Lucy, I love you. I need you. Please talk to me.
Me:You don’t love me. If you did, you wouldn’t have hit me or tried to force yourself on me. You need help and I hope you get it. Please leave me alone.
Taylor:Did you sleep with him?
Me:What?
Taylor:DID YOU SLEEP WITH HIM? I saw his truck there last night and it was still there this morning.
Me:Are you following me? LEAVE ME ALONE. If you don’t, I’ll get a restraining order.
Taylor:Nothing can keep me away from you. You’re mine, Lucy. I’ll show you.
I lock the screen on my phone and arm my security system. I feel a shiver run down my spine. Hopelessness washes over me. I toy with the idea for a second of calling Tate but think better of it. I’ve got to do this on my own. And I’ve got to keep distance from Tate for a while if my heart has any chance ofnotbeing broken by him.
My phone beeps again, making me jump.
This time the display brings a smile to my face.
Ivie:I had to tell you, all is good with me and Sterling! Thank you for helping me get ready last night and just being here and being you. I can’t wait to fill you in! Lunch tomorrow?
Me:That’s so great, Ivie! Lunch is perfect.
Ivie:It’s a date! Love you<3
Me:Love you too.
I pocket my phone, feeling the weight of the world and all my problems settling on my shoulders a little heavier. I know Ivie would be there for me in a heartbeat, but I can’t bring myself to tell her my secrets. Not when she’s finally happy and has faced all her demons and won.
No, I can handle Taylor on my own. I’ll ignore him the best I can, and maybe even leave Greendale Valley for a little bit if I have to. There’s always the restraining order option, but it involves having to tell everyone what’s really been happening. Would they even believe me? I have no doubt my family would, but anyone else? Considering who Taylor and his family are, I’m not so sure. But if I can keep him away from me long enough, maybe he’ll let me go.
