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I know what he’s insinuating. I haven’t been in a real relationship. I’ve never seen the same woman more than a couple times and the women I have “seen” know I’m not the one they need to be mooning over because I won’t return the same feelings. Have a few tried? Sure. But none succeeded. For so long, I’ve been purely physical with women…no feelings involved. I respect them and treat them well obviously, but beyond that, no romance or love. Lucy though, Lucy stole my heart, the one I thought had long since stopped loving, from my chest and I don’t know if I can get it back. I don’t know if I want to.
“Things are…complicated, but yes, I think I do.” I answer as simply as I can. My mind taunts…you don’t think you do; youknowyou do.
He smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “She’s a great girl. I thought she was too good for Taylor. She’s beautiful with a heart of gold and fun personality to match.” He glances back quickly and adds, “I should tell you, I asked her out several years ago—long before I knew you. I’m a couple years older than Lucy. I was home from college one weekend and saw her out with mutual friends and thought what the hell. She turned me down because she was still with Taylor. I didn’t see her much after that.”
I grip the steering wheel a little harder and clench my teeth together. I know why she wasn’t around much. Taylor started beating her because he’s a jealous, abusive coward. I don’t say anything as he hangs his head and continues.
“I may have asked her to hang out and catch up sometime when I first saw her on the ranch the day she came barreling through looking for you, but I didn’t know you had feelings for her. To be honest, I was surprised to see her at all. I wouldn’t do that to you, man. But since you clearly do have feelings for her, I thought I should tell you the truth. I don’t like to hide things from people I care about.” I feel him looking at me, but I stare at the road.
I know he means what he’s saying. He has his own secrets and issues, but he hasn’t elaborated. Hawk Abbott has been nothing but a good friend and hard worker since he’s been on the ranch and I don’t care about what may lie in his past, only what he’s shown me in his present.
“I appreciate you telling me.”
I can see him nod out of my periphery, then he blows out a little puff of air.
“I can read people, Tate. I may not know the whole story, but it doesn’t take a genius to know something’s wrong. Your reaction to Taylor at the bar…hers too, then how she’s been almost hiding out with you—I know something is going on.”
I press my lips together and glance at him before I turn on the road leading back to Valley B.
“You’ve been too quiet, almost angry at times. You’re funny and easy going.” His voice drops and gets deeper as he adds, “And like I said, I knew Lucy before from school, how light-hearted and happy-go-lucky she used to be. When I talked to her the first day I saw her here, she looked like a caged animal…frightened. And quite honestly, haunted.”
We approach the entrance for Valley B, and I slow so I can turn in carefully with the horse trailer. We ride in silence to the stables until I park and cut the engine. I stare ahead for a moment at the sun beginning to turn orange as it starts to set.
“There are things I can’t say, I promised her. Is she going through something? Yes. Am I helping her get through it? As much as she’ll allow me to. Has she blown through my walls without even trying?” I pierce through him with my stare, more serious than I’ve ever been. “Hell yeah, she has. And she doesn’t know she has.” I turn and face the windshield once more and run my hand down the stubble covering my face.
I’ve confessed, out loud to someone else, I have feelings for Lucy…real feelings. Hawk stares out the windshield too. We see Sterling and Dean heading toward us. I start to open the truck door and Hawk stops me. “Listen, I know you’re closer to Sterling than you are to me, but if something’s going on…if she’s been hurt in some way…I’ll do what I can to help. I won’t say a word.”
“Hawk, you—” I start but he cuts me off with stone-cold eyes.
“I’m not dumb, Tate. I can guess what’s likely going on from her behavior and her not wanting to tell anyone. Which means you can’t tell Sterling even if you wanted to, without him being obligated to intervene, whether it be by the law he swore to uphold or his own moral compass. All I’m saying is, I’m here if you need to be backed up.” He smiles genuinely and I know he means what he says. Truth be told, I wouldn’t want to go up against him. He’s built—all muscle. He looks like he’s won a fight or two in his day for sure.
“Thanks, Hawk.” We both get out and greet Sterling and Dean as we get ready to unload the horses.
Sterling cuts his eyes to me and even though he’s smiling, I know the wheels in his mind are turning. He knows me…too well. He knows I’m hiding something. He’s asked before, but Hawk’s right—I can’t tell him without getting him, and the law that comes with him, involved.
My bag is packed, but out of sight so Tate won’t see it and be able to ask questions before I can slip away. I called Ivie and told her I needed to talk, so I drove over to her house after leaving Tate a note so he wouldn’t worry.
Part of me cringes inside because in the morning he’ll be worried, even if my letter explains. He’ll likely be mad too. I remind myself I’m doing what I need to do.
I knock on the front door and Rhett answers. “Sweetheart.” He smiles brilliantly at me before wrapping me in a hug.
“Hey, Rhett. Is Ivie here? I called her earlier and she said she would be.”
“She should be back any minute now. I think she was picking up dinner for you two. Rayna and I are having dinner with her sister tonight,” he tells me as Ivie’s vehicle pulls in the drive beside my car.
“Ahh, right on time.” He winks as he takes the few steps off the front porch to help her bring food in.
Ivie sees me and instantly lights up. I love my best friend, so much…well my sister. Sometimes it’s still hard to wrap my head around even though I’ve known that secret for a long time. We all get the food in the house. Ivie ordered from The Silver Note. I suppose that means she wants to celebrate, which is good. Rayna appears, as stunning as ever in her simple black sweater with skinny jeans and black booties, her dark hair twisted in an elegant knot.
“Lucy, how are you, sweetie?” I’m decent at reading people and I can tell she is taking mental inventory of my appearance. I’ve lost weight and I’m sure I have circles under my eyes. I try to put on a front and appear as if the world is right, but somehow, I know she isn’t fooled. Call it mother’s intuition.
“I’m good,” I lie. She walks over to me and places her slim hands on my face, discreetly searching for the truth. A flicker of worry lights her green eyes, but she dismisses it and pulls me in for a hug. She gets close to my ear and whispers, “We all love you, sweetie. I hope you know there’s nothing we wouldn’t do for you.” I nod. It’s all I can manage without crying. This is exactly why I’ve been avoiding my own mom. She’ll pick up on my pain too easily and in a way I won’t be able to hide from her for long. She steps back and smiles kindly before hugging Ivie in the same way. She checks her watch, “Oh, Rhett we need to get going or we’ll be late. You girls enjoy your evening.” She grabs her purse and blows a kiss in our direction and heads out the front door.
Rhett hugs Ivie and drops a kiss on her head. “Lucy, I’ll be right back. I need to change into some sweats since we’re staying in. I did my duty and wore real clothes today, now I’m done.” She laughs as she retreats to her bedroom leaving me alone with Rhett.
Now it’s his eyes that are full of concern. Gone are the rays of sunshine that seemed to radiate from them only moments ago. He runs his hand over the beard he’s been growing since he retired, but he keeps it neat and trimmed.
“Sweetheart, I don’t have much time to talk right this second, but I can’t shake this feeling you need me. Maybe I’m being too presumptuous, but I know in my gut I’m right. I don’t want to push you but honey, please know you can tell me anything. I won’t judge you. I’ll simply be there. If you want to talk now, I can tell Rayna to go on without me or we can cancel all together.”
