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Tate:I didn’t want you to leave. I’d feel better if you were here with me.
Tate:We need to talk this through, please call. I need to know you’re all right.
I pull up his number and start to call but stop. I don’t think I can bear to talk to him right now. But I know he deserves to hear from me, so I decide to text him instead.
Me:Tate, I’m okay. Trust me, it’s better this way. I appreciate all you’ve done to help me. This is something I need to do. Please try to understand.
Tate:You shouldn’t be alone. Will you please come back and stay with me?
Me:I’ll be fine alone. Like I said, he won’t think to look for me where I am. I won’t stay gone forever. And as far as staying with you, I think my letter explained why that’s not the best idea…
Tate:I want you here, Lucy. Please. Be rational.
I take a deep breath because this is going to sound cruel, but I need to rip off the bandage.
Me:Rational? Okay… I left to protect us both. I’m giving you your life back, and me leaving stops any confusion or drama that might occur between us and our friends/family. I’m somewhere he can’t find me. I plan to find myself though while I’m here. And like I said in the letter, I’m starting to fall for you, and I know I can’t, so we need distance.
Three little dots appear, then disappear before reappearing again.
Tate:I care about you. I would never hurt you. I can help you find yourself again if you let me.
Me:I know you care, as much as you allow yourself. But you don’t understand. No matter how much I’ve been hurt, I still love with my whole heart. Spending more time with you will do nothing but break it all over again, because there’s no way I won’t completely fall for you if I come back.
Tate:There’s things about me you don’t know, but I’m working on them. I’m trying to fix it.
Me:I know you have your reasons for being the way you are, but you’re right. I don’t know what those reasons are. And you’re not open to sharing. I don’t want to make you change. I want you to be you. And I want you to do what you feel is right for yourself, not because I made you.
Tate:Can I please see you? Will you tell me where you are?
Me:I think we should stay away from each other for a while. I’ll talk to you soon.
I throw my phone on the bed and start for the bathroom to shower. Maybe the warm water will melt some of this stress out of my muscles. And maybe if the water is running down my face, I can pretend it’s just water instead of tears.
When I woke up to find Lucy missing, my heart stopped in my chest. As I searched for her and found no sign but the letter with my name scrawled across it in her flowing hand beside my coffee pot, I felt lost—like the world stopped spinning.
Rocky planted himself at my feet as I clutched the letter and fell into my couch. After reading it, my heart squeezed. I got up and ran to the door to see if her car was in fact gone.It was. It was at that moment I acted like a fool and called her over and over, left her two voicemails and sent several text messages.
I didn’t hear back from her until around noon. I worked through the motions on the ranch while Hawk watched cautiously. He didn’t try to talk—I think he knew I couldn’t. When my phone finally lit up with a text from her, hope sprung up in my chest. Until she made it clear she was staying away from me for a while.
How did I mess this up so badly? I finally found the one woman I want to change for, and I let her slip away without even telling her I’m in love with her. She said she’s falling for me, but the truth is, I’m already in love with her. I let my fear and my past control me when I should’ve been listening to my heart and focusing on my future.
I have to fix this…and fast. Then, I have to convince her to return home to me. I send Hawk a quick text letting him know I have some things to take care of before calling my dad.
“Hello, son. How are you?” He answers on the first ring.
“I’ve been better. Listen, I’m ready. I need to talk to her. Can you make it happen?” I ask quickly. No hesitation this time. I need to do this.
“I can. I’ll reach out to her as soon as we hang up. When are you available? And do you want to do this in person or talk to her on the phone?”
“I need to see her, Dad. I need to look her in the eyes.” I manage to say around the pounding of my heart in my ears. “Could you be there too? Or at least close by?”
“Of course, son. I’ll let you know what she says.”
We hang up and I pace my kitchen nervously. About ten minutes later, Dad calls back and I answer.
“She’s on her way to the house now. Can you come?” he asks.
I grab my keys from my jean pocket and head out the door to my truck. “I’m on my way.”
