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“What about her dad? Were you seeing someone when you were still coming to see me?” I ask.
She smiles at me sadly and turns pale. “She hasn’t met him.”
I sit on the couch, and she sits beside me as I feel another blow coming. Surely she isn’t about to say what I think she is. “I know it’s a lot to take in. But you’re father…he’s hers too.”
I stare at her in disbelief. “What the hell, Mom? Does he know?” I snap.
She shakes her head as her lower lip trembles. “I’m telling him today since I’m here in person. I’ve waited too long. I know I was wrong for keeping her from him, from you both. I just…I didn’t know what to do. Your dad was in no place to take on more responsibility. We weretogetherwhen I was still coming to see you and when he proved he wouldn’t let me back into his heart, I wasn’t about to let him break my unborn child’s heart too. I felt I couldn’t tell him, and when I started to show, I stopped coming to see you. Your dad knows I have a daughter, but not that she’s his too.”
I hang my head and feel my eyes sting.How did my family get so screwed up? It’s no wonder I have trust issues with women.
Mom pulls at a silver chain and a locket appears. It’s almost identical to the one she gave me years ago. She opens it and inside is a picture of me, a recent one, and one of Emerson. She closes it and the front reads:my heartbeats.
“Your dad sent me pictures over the years. I’ve kept up with you. But after so much time passed, I didn’t know how to reach out. I already messed things up with you once, I didn’t want to make it worse by barreling back into your life unannounced and unwelcome. And coming back meant explaining Emerson. I didn’t know how, because even if I felt I was protecting her, it was wrong.”
“I wanted you in my life, Mom. I guess I can understandsomeof your reasons, but I still wish you had fought for me…and for Emerson too. How could you have kept her a secret from us? Especially Dad? He hasn’t been sober long. What if this sets him back?” I pierce her with my own icy blues.
She puts her hand on mine. “I wish I had too. At the time I didn’t know how and after so much time passed, like I said, it was like an ocean formed and I didn’t think I had a right to cross it. I hope one day, you can forgive me. I’d love nothing more than to be in your life. I love you so much, sweetheart. As for your sister, she’s always held it against me that I’ve kept you and your father from her. But she knows the truth. And I hope your dad can forgive me too and move forward and get to know his daughter.” She tells me with hopeful tears streaming down her still beautiful face.
“Can you at least think about forgiving me and getting to know your sister?” she asks barely above a whisper.
I’m stunned by all she’s told me, but I nod, and she lets out a breath of relief before pulling me into a hug. I wrap my arms around her and hold on, breathing her in and committing her to memory. She sniffles and her small frame shakes slightly. What she did was wrong…all the lies and secrets and staying gone, but in my heart, she’s still my mom and I still love her. I want to try to start over because if I don’t, the other option is to let this situation continue to poison my view on love. I refuse to let that happen, not with the way I feel about Lucy. No, forgiveness and moving forward is the only option.
After we both shed some tears, she smiles and asks, “Not that I’m complaining, because whatever the reason, it brought us back to each other, but why was it so urgent for you to see me? Are you okay?”
“I hope so. I mean, yes, I am. For so long, I haven’t let myself fall in love. I thought if you could leave me, then no woman would ever stay. I refused to let it happen. But now, I’m in love, and before I could fully give her my heart, I had to get answers from you…some kind of closure. I’ve been closed off since you left.”
“Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. But you have to know, you have so much love to give, and it’s worth fighting for—it’s worth risking your heart for. And you deserve to be loved. Don’t make the same mistakes I made. I hope she returns your feelings.”
I laugh but there’s no humor in it. “She does, or at least I think she does. I only hope I haven’t messed up by waiting too long to tell her. She left and it’s…well, it’s complicated. But Mom, she’s the one, I know it in my heart.”
She squeezes my hand. “What are you waiting for? Go get your girl!” She smiles lovingly.
“I will. Mom…”
“What is it?” she asks.
“Thank you for coming back. I can’t wait to get to know you again and have you in my life.”
She puts her free hand over her heart. “I told you I would, it just took a lot longer than I meant for it to. And there’s no way you’re getting rid of me now. You and your sister are the reasons my heart beats.”
It’s been two weeks since Lucy left and two weeks since Mom came back into my life. Lucy hasn’t called—or answered any of mine. The most I’ve gotten is short replies to texts, and she doesn’t initiate those. I’d give anything to hear her voice, or better yet, be able to look into her sparkling, green eyes.
Deep in my heart, I’m terrified I’ve lost her. I’ve been in agony going over each conversation, and each touch between us. How could I have been so blind to what was right in front of me? I need to see her—talk to her—and tell her how I feel. She needs to know the truth about why I kept her at arm’s length. I can only hope I get the chance and she’ll forgive me for being such an idiot. I hope she’ll give me a chance…a real one.
Last week, I met Emerson and she’s great. I’m looking forward to spending time with her…and Mom. Mom and Dad seem to have reached some sort of…pact after a lot of conversation and a lot of tears. It was a huge shock to him, finding out he had a daughter all this time, but he already loves her so much.
As for Mom and Dad, time will tell. I talk to them both every day and we’ve made plans to start having dinner once a week as a family. I feel like part of me, even though I know I still need work, is healing and open to love… open for Lucy. If I’ve learned anything about love from my family, it’s you have to communicate. You have to be honest no matter what or you might as well throw your love away.
It’s clear the love my parents had for each other but somehow, they let it slip through their fingers. I have no intention of giving up Lucy without a fight, even if technically, she was not mine to begin with. I’m just in love with her.
I’m giving her one more week of this…silence, before I beg Ivie to tell me where she is so I can see her and say what needs to be said. I know Ivie knows. At this point, even if she called, I need to tell her the truth about me and my feelings for her in person.
I’m going through the motions of my work here on the ranch, texting Lucy at night to make sure she’s okay, and having many conversations with my parents. Dad still plans on coming to talk with Sterling’s dad about being his brother. And I’m still working up the courage and trying to find the right time to tell Sterling and Briella we’re family byblood, not only in heart.
Rocky is my one true confidant. He hears it all and reacts like he understands. I think he misses her too. The thought brings a smile to my lips because he’s still a little traitor when it comes to her—she cast her spell on us both.
I’ve been in Murfreesboro for three weeks now. All has been calm and quiet. Aside from my own heart cracking each time Tate’s name lights up my phone with a new message. I feel like I can conquer my feelings for him until I read his messages or see him in my dreams— dreams that are no longer filled with fear and Taylor, but instead, of Tate and the way his body feels against mine, or the way his icy blue eyes darken with desire.
