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I’m startled, but I smile through my fear. I sit up too, so she knows I’m serious. “I’m fine. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately.”
“About what?” she asks hesitantly, but her voice is sweet like honey.
“About you…and me. I like you, dolcezza. I like you as more than my friend. When you’re around, everything feels right. You feel like home to me. My heart races when you look at me. I feel like…” I trail off as I take her in and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Like what?” she asks. The concern has disappeared as her face softened with my confession.
I lift her chin with my finger. “Like I could fall for you. I feel like you could be my forever.”
She smiles and crawls into my lap. She’s trembling a little, but she doesn’t back down. “If you fall, I’ll catch you,” she says.
I pull her face closer. “I know you’re a few years younger than me, but I want you to know I’ll wait for you. For all of you. I feel like what we have between us could be something special.”
She surprises me by pressing her lips to mine. Her lips are soft, and she lets me part them with my tongue. A surge of desire courses through my veins. I pull back reluctantly. “Slow down, dolcezza. You’re making it hard for me…literally,” I tell her, and chuckle as her cheeks turn red.
“Sorry, I got carried away because I’ve been feeling the same way, but I didn’t think you wanted to hear it. I didn’t want to lose you if I said it out loud,” she admits, and smiles the sweetest smile.
“You won’t lose me, no matter what. I promise,” I say with certainty.
She drops her gaze for a moment, and I tip her chin back up to see her eyes again.
“Don’t hide from me, Brittney. What are you thinking?” I ask.
“Can we promise each other something?” she asks shyly.
“Anything,” I tell her.
“Will you promise to be my first? I can’t imagine giving my virginity to anyone else. You’ve been in my life forever. I trust you with all I am. You’ve had my heart in one way or another since I met you.” She waits on me to answer her. All I can think is how did I get so lucky? Can I truly be finding my “one” already?
I take her face in my hands gently, so she knows I’m serious. “I promise you my heart, my virginity, and my forever if you’ll let me. I know it sounds bold, but I have a feeling about us, dolcezza.”
She leans in and touches her forehead to mine. “I promise you my heart, all my firsts, and all my lasts too. I see forever in your eyes, Hawk. I know we’re young and we haven’t even said ‘I love you’ yet, but I see it. I see it all with you.”
I open my eyes as I tuck the memory away. Looking back, I can’t believe we’re the same people who uttered those words. I was shocked to find out she’d kept her promise. I still can’t believe she didn’t tell me. I told her I probably wouldn’t have had sex with her at all if I’d known, but it’s most likely a lie.
I haven’t been with a woman in a while. I had a few casual hookups here and there, but not in a long time. A heavy feeling settles in my chest as I think about how I broke one promise to her after all. I lost my virginity to someone who certainly didn’t deserve it…Angel.I squeeze my eyes shut. She’s no angel. She’s more like the devil and one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.
My thoughts settle back on Brittney. I sure as hell wouldn’t have taken her so rough. No matter what’s happened between us in the past or the present, I would’ve made sure her first time was everything she ever dreamed it would be. I can’t undo what we did that night, but she won’t even let me apologize. If I’m being honest, I wish she’d let me have a do-over. A chance to show her what it’s supposed to be. But I doubt that will ever happen.
I stand from my chair, irritated by where my thoughts are headed, but clear on what I’m doing. I’m going to see her. The bar is a public place, and I have as much right as anyone to have a drink there.
I grab my keys and head that way. On the fifteen-minute drive, I chastise my choice in coming here, but I won’t turn around now. I stroll through the entrance and find her immediately. She’s laughing with Zander and another customer. I don’t like the way Zander looks at her.
I make my way to the bar as country music drifts from the speakers and pool balls click together. I take up residence on a barstool before Zander notices me. The smile disappears from his face as Brittney notices and turns her gaze on me. Instead of the anger I expected to see, there’s something else, something I can’t put into words.
She doesn’t move, she shifts her focus back to the customer in front of her. Zander moves to take my order. “What can I get you, Hawk?”
“How is she?” I ask.
He tosses a glance in her direction. “She’d be better if you let her be.”
I let out a humorless laugh before saying, “I’ve let her be for long enough.”
Zander’s knuckles turn white as he leans on the bar close to me. “Back off, Hawk. She doesn’t need you to keep coming around. She wants to forget you.”
I meet his glare with one of my own. “She can tell me herself, then, can’t she? She doesn’t need you speaking on her behalf.”
He grits his teeth. “I’m trying to protect her. I know what it feels like to have someone play with your emotions. I won’t let you do that to her. She deserves better.”
