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“It is at rest. I don’t know what you mean.” My heart thunders in my chest, because I’m certain I don’t want to hear whatever confessions he’s about to make.
“Dolcezza, the past is controlling our every move. It’s time to break the chains.”
“I don’t want to hear whatever it is you feel like you need to get off your chest, Hawk. I know what I saw that night and I certainly don’t need details to paint me a better picture,” I rush out as I try to grab my purse strap in an effort to leave.
“Wait, please. This is not me trying to absolve myself of my sins, this is me telling you what you don’t know about what really happened.”
Something in his voice compels me to stay seated. “You said I slept with your sister, but I didn’t. I wouldn’t ever do that to you.”
“You’re lying, Hawk!” I shout. Hawk glances to the register where the waitress stood when I walked in. I don’t care who hears me.
Hawk grabs my hand from across the table. “I’m not, baby. I’m not. I swear on my mamma’s life, Wren’s too. I didn’t touch your sister other than to push her away from me.”
This makes me pause. He wouldn’t ever make such a declaration if it wasn’t true. Well, the Hawk I used to know wouldn’t, but I have a hard time believing he’s changed enough for those words to carry no weight.
“What do you mean you pushed her away?” I ask.
He inhales deeply and closes his eyes before continuing. “I searched for you everywhere that night. When you ran, I had no idea where you went. I knew your sister was having a party and I saved your house for last. People were leaving, so I held off until everyone was gone. Or I thought everyone was gone.”
His jaw works for a few seconds. “The big front door was open, and the screen door was closed, but I could see through it to the end of the hall where you stood, wearing nothing but a towel as the same asshole you said I had nothing to worry about was in front of you. He was clearly interested in more than being friends. I saw your towel fall and he got an eyeful before hugging you close and leaving, all the while smiling at me as I watched. For all I knew, you ran back to him and slept with him instead.”
“You know I didn’t,” I snap.
He holds his hands up in surrender. “I do. There’s no question you didn’t. But back then, I didn’t know. You gotta imagine what it seemed like through my eyes. Mandy already rubbed the guy in my face before then, saying how he was still hung up on you. And you admitted to dating him. What was I supposed to think?”
Tears sting my eyes. “You were supposed to know I loved you. Damn it, Hawk! How could you not know I didn’t want anyone but you?”
He almost winces and his brows are furrowed. “I thought I knew, but when I saw that, I didn’t know what to think anymore. I didn’t trust you, and for that, I’ll forever be sorry.”
“So, what happened next? Because nothing happened between Caleb and me. I ran home and told my sister what I’d done to you, how I ran away because I got scared, and how upset and embarrassed I was, so she cleared the party out and told me to shower. I was humiliated because I was scared after telling you how much I wanted to go all the way with you and then balking. She said we’d watch movies and hang out. I stripped out of my wet clothes. The next thing I know, Caleb is in front of me claiming to be concerned. I told him I was fine, and he left,” I tell him as my chest heaves.
“Except he snuck a peek,” Hawk mumbles.
“Yeah, when he moved to hug me, he must’ve tugged my towel accidentally. But I pulled it back up as soon as it slid.”
“Dolcezza,it was no accident. He made your towel fall on purpose to stake his claim on you as I watched. He knew exactly what he was doing. When he came out the door, he told me good luck because you’d never be mine.”
Anger boils through my veins as I’m hearing all the ways I was set up. Mandy did this. She did it all. I know it in the most barren parts of my soul.
“Well, I didn’t see you, I was facing away from the door. The next thing I knew, I’d taken a shower and tried to find Mandy and I saw you—the boy I loved and almost gave everything to—stand up from my sister’s bed as you zipped your pants up. A few feet from you was my very naked and flushed sister.”
The color seeps from his face. Maybe he did sleep with her after all. He didn’t think I saw it. I wait for him to speak, and when he doesn’t, I angrily grab my purse and storm out of the diner, intent on leaving him and all these damning memories behind.
Before I reach my car, he grabs me and makes me face him. “I didn’t sleep with your sister, Brittney.”
“But you did something. I can see it on your face. It doesn’t matter anymore, this…” I motion between him and me before adding, “Whatever it is or was, is done.”
“Brittney, I didn’t do anything with your sister but push her off me. When I came inside your house, she told me you didn’t want anything to do with me. She said you came home crying and saying I tried to force you to do things you didn’t want to do. She said you wanted someone closer to your own age who wouldn’t take advantage of you. I told her it wasn’t true, and I wanted to hear you say it to my face and then I’d leave. She told me I could wait in her room so I wouldn’t scare you when you got out of the shower.”
Anger pulses off him in waves as he grits out through his teeth, “I sat on the end of her bed with my head down in my hands. It didn’t register why she had me wait in her room because my mind was racing. The next thing I knew she was at my feet, naked and trying to unzip my pants. She said she could take care of me since you wouldn’t. She pushed me back and tried to kiss me and I shoved her off me and on to the bed. Then I stood and zipped my pants. Moments later, I heard you shut your door, so I tried to talk to you.”
Tears fall down my face freely now as my heart aches. The lies…so much deceit surrounds us. He cups my face gently.
“You told me you hated me. I didn’t know why. All I knew is we went from almost making love to you running away. It broke me to see the pain on your face. But I was hurting too. When you said you hated me, and I knew there was nothing else I could say to change your mind. I’d never seen you like that. I knew it was useless. You’ve always said what you meant. And your sister had just told me what you supposedly said to her. I was done with the lies. So, I left without trying to find out what was going on. Too many things were upside down and I was leaving for Nashville not long after anyway. I left without fighting for you. And I’m so very sorry. I should’ve known better.”
He leans his forehead to mine. “Please forgive me, Brittney. Forgive me for not fighting for you. Forgive me for having any part in hurting you.”
For a moment, I want to give in. I want to sink into his arms and forget the past. I think he deserves my forgiveness. But can I believe him? Is he telling the whole truth?
