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I don’t know what I’ve gotten into. But I know I’ll do whatever it takesnotto marry Matteo Leone. My heart hurts because I’m fairly certain I lost Hawk for a second time before we even had a fighting chance. It’s a pattern between us, apparently. I press on my chest as if I can stop my heart from breaking.
I spent the rest of the night drinking coffee and trying to research the Leones, Fantasia Inc., and loopholes to get out of a contract. There’s not much on the internet about them which leaves me feeling unsettled. In my haste to change my life, I blindly jumped into bed with the enemy. Hawk warned me. His voice replays in my head from last night.“You may have lost your chance after all, just not with your music.”
I glance at my phone and see it’s a little after six in the morning. I’m exhausted, but I don’t know if I can sleep. I called Zander once I gathered my bearings last night and told him I needed a few days off. He was concerned because it’s so unlike me, but I assured him everything was fine, and he reluctantly told me to take as many days as I needed. He only asked me to keep him updated.
As for returning to Nashville, I had told Matteo and Angelica I’d return Wednesday night. It gives me today and most of tomorrow to try and sort this disaster out. I think of Briella and wish I could call her. She’d know exactly what I should do. But somehow, I can’t bring myself to do it. She and Dean recently pushed through their own mess. I won’t drag her or anyone else into the hole I dug for myself.
I absently walk to my bathroom dropping articles of my clothes along the way. I left a trail from the living room to my bedroom, and I don’t have it in me to care right now. I blindly turn on my shower and adjust the temperature. I get it as hot as I can stand it to warm myself from the outside in.
I quickly wash and condition my hair, and then wash my body before sitting on the tile as the water cascades down my back. I draw my knees to my chest and stare blankly at the slick shower wall as sorrow starts to choke me. Hawk was mine for all of twenty-four hours. I can’t help but grieve the thought of losing him. There are so many feelings between us and so much history. I made a stupid decision and he walked away. Can’t say I blame him, but it still hurts.
My vision blurs with tears as I wonder if I have a right to cry. This time it’s all on me. I should’ve insisted on reading the entire contract before picking up a pen. I can’t believe I was so careless and naïve.
“Brittney?” I hear Hawk’s panicked voice in my bathroom. He slides the shower door open and sees me sitting on the floor. I glance up at him as the tears I’ve been holding back drip down my face to mix with the water from my showerhead. His eyes seem pained as he watches me. I turn my head away and face the wall again. I can’t bear to see the hurt I put there.
I hear movement, but he hasn’t shut the shower door. The next thing I know, his strong arms wrap around me from behind. He sits on the wet shower tile with his clothes on. He must’ve slipped out of his socks and shoes because he’s barefoot. He presses a kiss to the back of my neck as I let out a sob.
“I’m so sorry, Hawk. I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have signed if I’d known. Even with all the lost years between us, you’re the only man I’ve ever cared about. And I don’t know how to fix this, but I’m going to try,” I tell him in between my crying hiccups.
He rocks me back and forth as he shushes me. He gently tips me back, so my head is on his chest. “We’ll fix this together. I won’t let him hurt you,” he says softly.
We stay that way until the water runs cold. He reaches back and shuts it off as I stand a grab my towel. I wrap it around my body as his eyes follow my movements. I pad to the small bathroom closet and grab him a towel. He accepts it and pulls his shirt off and drops it in the shower along with his jeans and underwear before drying off and wrapping the towel around his waist.
I hug my towel to my chest as he cautiously moves toward me and tips my chin up with his fist. He doesn’t speak, he simply lowers his mouth to mine and kisses me. Something about it feels like he’s saying goodbye and, even as I feel cried out, more tears involuntarily fall. He swipes them away and tugs gently on my towel and I let it drop.
He walks me backward out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. The back of my legs hit the bed and he gently pushes me down while his gaze rakes over me. He drops his towel and I wait for him to move. He slides his hands under my hips and lifts me slightly as his knee presses into my mattress. He scoots us back and covers me with his body.
My legs part for him, and I’m at the mercy of this man I’ve loved for longer than I can remember, this man I should’ve trusted, the one I hate myself for doubting. He stares into my eyes as he enters me slowly. The feeling is too good. My eyes close as he moves in and out and then I realize why it feels different. “You’re not wearing anything,” I gasp.
“I’m not, but I’ll pull out. Do you trust me?” he asks.
“I do,” I admit without hesitation.
He doesn’t smile, he simply keeps moving, bringing me to heights of pleasure I’ve yet to feel. When I finally contract around him one more time, he pulls out and spills himself on my stomach. He closes his eyes for a moment and then pushes off the bed and retreats to my bathroom. He brings back a washcloth and cleans me up, then he picks his towel up from the floor and secures it around his waist again.
He leaves me to get dressed and I throw on an oversized sweatshirt with some gym shorts. I grab his wet clothes and squeeze out the excess water before taking them to my laundry room. When I emerge, he’s sitting at my kitchen table with his own laptop, clicking away at the keyboard.
“I put your clothes in the washer for you. Do you want some coffee?” I ask as I take in his handsome face.
He lifts his gaze from the screen. “Thanks. And yes please.”
I make a fresh pot of coffee and sit down beside him after placing a mug in front of him. He takes a sip before leaning back in the chair and crosses his arms.
“Tell me everything,” he says, with his wary gaze fixed on me.
His brows knit together and his forehead creases as he listens to me recount the events leading up to me signing the contract and everything that happened after. “It seemed like I could trust him, but his sister…” I trail off.
Hawk’s head snaps up. “His sister is involved in this?” he asks in surprise.
“Yeah. She was pushy. She’s the one who made it sound like it was now or never. It’s like she was wanting me to know I was nothing but another nameless face and she’d move on to someone else if I didn’t want what they were offering me. When I saw her yesterday, she seemed almost hostile, but somehow smug.” I shrug my shoulders as color seems to seep from Hawk’s face.
“What? Is she some scary witch or something?” I ask, thinking of Angelica. She seems harmless enough, but spoiled to getting what she wants.
The muscles in his jaw pulse. “Something like that. Listen, I need to make some calls. But my clothes are still wet.”
I push up from my chair. “I think the washer is done. I’ll put them in the dryer and give you some privacy.”
He stares at me blankly and an emptiness seems to take hold of me. When he made love to me earlier, bare of all things, I thought it might be his way of saying we’ll be okay. And although he was distant, and it felt like he was closed off, even as he was with me in the most intimate way, I thought there was a shred of hope to be found. But I can see now it was probably wrong. I’ve told him everything and he’s told me nothing.
