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I had no idea where I was going, but I needed to be gone.
Chapter 29
Knox
Goodthingitwasfive o’clock somewhere because I was smashed. My only plan was to numb myself as fast as possible, but it wasn’t working. I wasn’t numb enough.
I’d left Summer’s apartment and wandered around the city aimlessly until I found a small park. For a few hours, I sat down on a bench and played my guitar, managing to hold my demons at bay for a short time. I’d even been tipped $5 by an old guy who shuffled over and chatted with me for a few minutes.
In my wanderings, I’d passed a hole-in-the-wall bar with a sign that said it opened at 11 a.m. When it was 11 o’clock, I grabbed my guitar, retraced my steps, and found that bar. The bartender was happy to open a tab and send alcohol my way. I sat at the bar with my guitar tucked safely between my legs and attempted to drink away my sorrow.
A few hours later, when I was closer to the numb I was searching for, I discovered that my wallet was missing. One of the friendly blokes who’d tried to strike up a conversation with me must have swiped it.
Fuck, I couldn’t even care. I closed out my tab, took my credit card back from the bartender, and left. I had nowhere to go and not enough brain power left to figure out a solution.
My head was foggy, and I had no idea what to do. Going back to Summer’s wasn’t an option, and I couldn’t turn to Ghost for help like I’d normally do. That option was cut off. Ryder and Bash lived too far away, so that left Sid. Suddenly, Sid’s penthouse apartment seemed like the perfect place to hide from the world. Plus, Sid wouldn’t give me too much grief. He was a good guy.
I found a cab and managed to get myself into Sid’s building. I had a not-so-friendly exchange with the doorman, but eventually, Kaylie came down to the lobby, spoke quietly with the doorman, undoubtedly smoothing over any ruffled feathers I’d caused, and escorted me up to her apartment. She was literally escorting me — holding onto my elbow — so I guess I was staggering about like a drunk, even though I felt at least partially in control.
I’m fairly certain Kaylie and I talked for a while before I passed out on her couch. When I woke up next, Sid was home.
He handed me a bottle of water. “You missed band practice and didn’t answer your phone. We were all worried. You’ve never blown off practice before.”
I grunted and gulped at the water. What I needed more than water was more alcohol before the numbness wore off.
Sid looked down at me. “Kay said you showed up here wasted and said something about Aila? And Ghost fucked you over somehow? What’s going on, man?”
When I sat up on the couch, my vision spun with dizziness. I was drunker than I thought. “I’m backing out of the tour.”
The words were out even before I could scrutinize them. Where did that come from? Was that even what I wanted? Music was the only good thing in my life.
Sid laughed nervously. “Bro, you’re shitfaced. And you’re not making any sense. Whatever happened between you and Ghost can be worked out.”
“Not this time, mate. I’m dropping out of the band and moving to Australia.”
Sure, I was pure blootered, but I knew damn well my words would have a devastating effect on my mates. Why not pull everyone down to hell right along with me?
The room went silent as Sid stared at me in disbelief. Confusion and disappointment etched his face. I knew I was being irrational, but the pain was too much to bear.
Sid sat down next to me. “You need to sober up. You’re not thinking straight. Why don’t I call Summer? Maybe she can help you?”
“No!” I barked out, my voice echoing through the empty room. The mere mention of her name sent a wave of anger and pain coursing through my body. How could she do this to me? How could she betray me like this? I shook my head, trying to clear it of the toxic thoughts that threatened to consume me. “I don’t want to talk to her.”
Sid sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. “Look, Knox, I get that you’re hurting. But you can’t just shut everyone out like this. It’s not healthy.”
I knew he was right, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. “If you want to help me, get me some more alcohol. The stronger, the better.”
He stood up. “I’m going to get you some food to sober your stupid ass up. Then we’ll talk.”
“Right, mate.” I laid back down on the couch and drifted off again.
When I woke up the second time, Ghost was sitting a few feet away from me on a chair he’d pulled up to the couch, fiddling with his phone.
I knew he’d come. Hell, there was a reason I’d pulled the fire alarm, so to speak, and said those things to Sid. I’d wanted him to come. I wasn’t sure I was ready for this confrontation, especially with the effects of the alcohol wearing off, but it was too late to turn back.
I sat up and reached for the half-empty bottle of water I’d left earlier. Next to it was a bottle of pain medication. I shook a few pills out of the bottle and downed them with the remainder of the water.
“How much did you drink?” Ghost asked.
