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So I take it. I listen to his rants. He blames me. I let myself become this way. I spread my legs for a celebrity and let him use me. I ruined things. I hate that when he talks this way, it feels like he’s right. I did do this to myself and I haven’t been able to step out of the fog I’ve been left in. Our relationship is hostile at times, but he doesn’t leave and I don’t make him.
“Sup, Jade.” Gage nods at me in the hallway. I can’t make myself return the smile, so I just stare at him. Eventually, he keeps walking by me and I head to my locker.
Senior year we get to pick our own lockers. There’s mine and Harper’s is next to it. Not that she’s ever in school. My eyes slide to where she should be. It’s our last year of school and it's almost over. Two months until we graduate and I’m not sure if she’ll even make it to the podium. And that's on me too.
I let her down. When Onyx left, I couldn’t move. I blocked everything out. I chose to escape in my mind from my friends, instead of talking about the way my heart was irrevocably broken.
Over the summer, Harper partied hard. She and Corey were out almost every night. She would text me that I was missing out. She would call me and leave voicemails that I was selfish and that maybe I was wrong about Rip and his friends. Eventually she stopped communicating with me all together, and even when I pulled myself together enough to try, she only avoids me or glares at me. I guess I deserve it for being a shitty friend.
I manage to make it through the day. With my stellar attitude, everyone keeps a wide berth. Now that I have so much extra time, I am in the top of my class, one point below the valedictorian, not that I mind. The last thing I want to do is give a graduation speech. I already know my final GPA will be fine. Between school and this past year’s Winter Classic, I was invited to two of my top five colleges. Both are out of state. I’ve completed my tryout for the one’s dance program and the other is next week.
After school, I escape to the studio and practice my routine over and over until my limbs are shaking and I’m breathing erratically. I let my body drop to the floor and sprawl out, while my heart finds its normal rhythm. The clock reads eleven. I’ve been here for over six hours. My stomach grumbles in protest, begging me to feed it.
In the silence, I hear my phone vibrate and I squeeze my eyes shut. I already know who it is. My heart lurches, thinking about what he needs me for. I manage to reach my bag, my hand closing around my phone, right as it vibrates again.
COREY: I’m at Rips. I need a ride.
COREY: You’re done at the studio. Why aren’t you answering?
I sit up and glance around the room. My ears strain to listen. I’m the only one here. How would he know? I get off the floor, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My eyes stay focused on the door, while I tug my sweatpants over my legs and throw my cropped sweatshirt on over my torso. My feet are killing me and putting on shoes is a necessary evil right now.
ME: I’m leaving now.
Grabbing my bag, I flick the lights off and head toward the parking lot. My car is the only one there. The wind whips against my body and pulls the sweaty little hairs away from my face. The burst of cold against my skin makes me shiver. I quickly get in and start the engine before driving the few miles to where Rip’s little hideaway is. My fists are clenched the entire drive. I hate it there. I hate knowing that my best friend wants this lifestyle.
Rip is having a party tonight it seems. On a Wednesday of all days. I have to park down the road from the house and walk. People are scattered in the front and at the door. Most move out of my way, a few don’t, and when my body slides past them, salacious grins are tossed my way. I cringe and keep my eyes focused on the house. Corey is probably in the main room with Rip. The music is so loud I can barely hear when the guy by the door yells into the house, but I catch my name. He points me to the back and I nod in return.
Bodies are stacked together in the house, some grinding to the music, others leaned over tables and snorting drugs together. My feet keep moving until I see the familiar head of golden hair. Corey cut the long strands after graduation; the curls are long gone. Everything about Corey now is hard, cold and calculated. His icy eyes scan over me when he sees me, his lips twitch in a smirk that quickly leaves when another guy next to him starts talking.
He doesn’t move to approach me or shield me from the others bumping into me. Not until I’m standing in front of him, my brow raised, does he reach for me. His eyes are glassy and bloodshot.
“Bout time, J.” He grabs my hand and spins me so I’m straddling his knee, tucked into his side. “Does it really take that long to get here from Patti’s?”
“I had to lock up and clean up my things.” I lean in and say into his ear so he can hear me.
His head nods, but his eyes never lose the amused expression. As if he doesn’t believe me. “I think you’re just avoiding me.”
I shake my head right away. “I’m not.”
Our eyes lock. I keep my face passive. I know he’s waiting for an answer, but I can’t give him the one he wants. I believe Corey loves me, that he wants to protect me, but I don’t believe he’s in love with me. I don’t want to ruin our friendship by being more when I have zero room in my heart. I never want a relationship again.
He shakes his head and stands, taking me with him. Corey shakes hands and says his goodbyes to the crowd around him. I try not to take offense to the looks they’re giving us, especially when he grabs my arm and tugs me behind him to the back stairs.
Corey spins on me, his hand clamping around my neck. My hands jump to his and my eyes widen. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going down to talk to Rip. You will fucking stay here and wait for me. You talk to anyone and I’ll be forced to deal with them.” He lets go of my neck and slams the door to the basement.
My hands glide up and touch the tender area where he grabbed me. Alarm bells go off in my head. What the hell is happening? People move in and out of the area, ignoring me, so I can have my own internal meltdown. Corey has bever put his hands on me like that. My chest rises and falls and I feel like I can’t breathe. I don’t even notice when two girls walk by snickering until I realize they're talking about me.
“Why waste your time? It's not like Corey is hurting for action.” The blonde shakes her head.
“Right? It’s clear Ms. Prima-ballerina isn’t going to put-out. Plus, she's a freak. She has zero friends,” the girl with jet-black hair agrees. My cheeks flame red.
“Didn’t her one friend, the girl with the curly hair, already fuck him anyways?”
My heart stops.
“Yeah, they hooked up over the summer then Corey dropped her when Jade started coming around again.”
