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This is angry. Confusing. Loaded with contradictions and a strange sense of wanting. I don’t like it and hell if I know how I’m going to learn to dance to it.
ChapterTwenty-Three
Onyx
None of the tracks today are cutting it. I can’t seem to get my mind to wrap around the changes in my life and I know it's affecting my music. All I’ve heard for the past three years is how angry, dark, and violent my music has become. People want the record I put out when I was with Jade and nothing I have made has matched that yet. I know why. And now that I have her back and at my disposal, I’m all over the board. I can’t even figure out if I’m mad at her half the time or if I want to see her suffer.
I know I had to leave, and in doing so, I broke something in her beyond repair. I had heard mumblings when I was gone that she finally gave in to Corey and was with him. If that was true, I couldn't touch her without starting a war. He knew it and I knew it. Instead, I drank, I partied, and I was filled with rage that I chose to propose the idea of belonging to my grandfather for a year to save a girl who never meant anything she said to me. I was unprepared for her call for help and furthermore for Gage’s intervention. Everything I thought for over a year was blown out the window. Finding her the way I did only led to more destruction and now here we are. Both in the same orbit again. I changed my life and took a knife to my own heart to spare her and she’s mad at me. I don’t want her pity; I don’t want an apology. I want the little star that used to be mine. The girl who burned brighter than all the others.
My contracted time with my grandfather is up and I’ve been able to keep him at bay. He has no hold over me, but I know he’s looking for a way to punish me for walking away. My father supports the decision right now, but I can never truly tell which side he is on. Terrance is helping me tie up all loose ends in my familial matters so that they can never touch my life again.
Glancing down at my phone and old text messages only heightens my agitation. I need a break. I head out in search of the practice rooms. After settling the contracts, I was made aware of where Rosen Records will be staying and I am more than welcome to also be there until my own schedule is up and running. Thanks to Narissa, that won’t take too long. I was happy to get out of New York, but New Jersey is only a jump away. I would feel better if myself and Jade were on the other side of the country and not kiddie-corner to where my family is. The day and half we were in New York was enough.
The sound of my own voice, amplified and thundering with bass, lets me know I'm close to my destination. The last practice room still has its lights on and about ten to fifteen of my best backup dancers and performers are in there, sweating with each move. Narissa is there and instructing everyone. I glance around the room and find Jade instantly. My fingers spasm around the pen I’m holding once I do. I forgot how well the girl looked in her dance gear. I take in every inch of her bare, tanned legs up to the shorts that barely cover her curvy ass, over her dancer tight stomach and up to the shirt that is literally being held together by two ropes. Her hair sits high in a ponytail and her cheeks are flushed. Despite the bad blood between us, I can’t look away when she moves across the room.She’s a nightmare but she dances like a dream.
My heart skips a beat while they all go in different directions, following Narissa’s steady choreography. My eyes follow Jade. When her face morphs into a look of disgust, I keep watching. Anytime they are asked to move as a group or the stage is explained to everyone, Jade’s eyes narrow. Her lips purse. She is not happy with what she is hearing.
They start again and I’ve watched the same routine five times before I decide I better leave before they know I’m watching. I make a mental note to ask Jade what her problem is later, although I’m sure it is something petty about the choreography. With some new material floating in my mind, I decide to hide out in the studio for a couple more hours.
* * *
Star:Hey asshole, what hotel are we at?
My lips quirk at her text that came in almost half an hour ago. I can just imagine her face by now and the attitude I know will come with it. I purposefully left her on read. I was determined to get these lyrics out while I could. She must know by now that I have the keys and our hotel information.
ME: I’ll be there in a minute.
I watch as she texts and deletes, texts and deletes, over and over again before the bubbles just stop. I chuckle and a small part of me can’t wait to see her. I take the stairs to the main lobby and sure enough, Jade is the last and only person in there. The lights are off and even the sun is setting outside. Jade leans against the wall with her bag at her feet. She is now wearing jeans but that wrap top is still on.
“Waiting for me?” I can’t help it when my brow quirks and my lips smirk. Her eyes narrow.
“No shit,” she scoffs and holds her hand out, “where are we staying? I need a key?”
“Didn’t Terrance already give you it?” I ask, knowing full well he did not.
Jade’s mouth sets in a firm line. “No. He did not. He said I had to get it from you.”
“He would be right.” I walk past her and reach down to grab her bag. Jade lunges for me, but I hold her back with my arm. “Let's go.”
“My bag,” she starts, but I cut her off.
“I got it. Just start moving so we don’t miss room service.” I urge her toward the door. Jade’s arms drop at her sides, defeated, but she follows anyway. I hear her laugh softly and I look back at her.
“Even if the kitchen closed, they would still bring you room service.”
My shoulders lift. “Probably. But I’d hate to make extra work for someone who maybe has a family or something to get home to.”
Jade eyes me, her head tilted. I want to know what she sees, what she thinks, but I know we aren’t at that point yet. Her trust in me is shattered, while mine is hanging by a thread. I lead her outside and into a waiting car. Our hotel isn’t far and it's one of the nicer ones in the area. Rosen Records has been accommodating and I in no way am regretting my decision to sign with them. Many thought I should reconsider, given Mia is newer to the music industry and it's an all-female run operation. That's the part that was appealing to me though. Not for the women and sex but because they are new and at a point where they genuinely want input and to give their all unselfishly. My last record label proved how being in the industry too long and having unlimited access to money can make people greedy, selfish, and ruin careers.
“How was practice?” I ask her, changing the subject.
Jade’s face shutters and her body hunches in. “Fine.”
My eyes drag over her when it seems she isn’t going to say anything else. “Just fine?”
She shrugs. “Mhm.”
“Jade,” I laugh, “I know when a woman says fine, it does not mean fine. So what was wrong? I saw everyone practicing at one point, do you not like the dance?”
