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The doctor nodded. “Very well.”
“Will he be paralyzed?” Jennings asks.
“I don’t want to fill you with false hope, but there’s a good chance he can recover from this. It will take time and therapy, but I don’t see any damage so far that will be permanent.”
With that, we were back to waiting.
Jennings and I sat together, so very close. Even our brief attempt at a tryst, the knowledge that the desire is there on both sides, has brought us closer together. I lean on his strong arm, tired and worried. “Is this our fault?” I wonder aloud.
“Hmm?”
“Right before this happened, he walked in on us. It made him angry. Irrational. Reckless. He went out there and rode and got hurt because he wasn’t as careful as he usually is.”
“I’ve been feeling guilty about all that the whole damn time, yeah. He may not have been exactly right about what we were doing, but he guessed close enough.”
I shake my head. “How were we supposed to approach it, then?”
“By not approaching it, if I had to guess what Danny would say about it.”
“That’s not remotely fair.”
“Yeah, well, he’s made it pretty hard to talk with him about it.”
“He’s always been like this. Stubborn. Overprotective. Like he’s responsible for me and knows what’s best for me. But it’s never been about what I want, Jennings. He doesn’t even consider if I want this obsessive defense of my chastity.”
“Most big brothers don’t. They just do what they feel they have to.”
“Why do I feel so guilty? It’s not like we did anything wrong. We weren’t trying to hurt him.”
“No. We weren’t.”
But the melancholy in both our tones showed that we had doubts. On a fundamental level? We felt right about being together. But it was hard to shake the guilt that Danny got hurt because we kissed, no matter how absurd the idea was.
“What do you want then, June? If Danny’s concerns weren’t an issue, what would you want?”
I look at him with a soft smile. “I just want you, Jennings. It’s as simple as that.”
“Oh dear, you two look terrible,” my mother announces as she enters the hospital’s waiting room, side by side with my dad. “You’ve worried yourselves sick.”
“And it looks like you’ve done the same, Mom.”
“My little boy is hurt,” she says. “I have every right to be.”
We fill her in on what the doctor said, then my dad tells us, “Go on. You two should head home. Your mother and I will be here when he gets out of surgery.”
I let out a deep breath. I do feel tired. Who knew worrying could be so exhausting? “Thanks, Dad.”
When I was updating them on what happened over the phone, I left out the part about how it was my tryst with Jennings that made Danny get on that bull angry and reckless. I told myself it would just give them more to be anxious about, but I also didn’t want to admit my guilt.
As my parents take over Danny’s vigil, Jennings and I head back out to the parking lot. “I suppose you want me to take you to your house, get some sleep?”
The rodeo pays to put us up in motels whenever we’re touring, but Danny and I always just stay at home when we’re in Burly.
I look Jennings up and down. I am very tired, yes. But I can think of something that’d definitely give me a second wind. “Second part’s right, I want to go to bed. But I think I want to go to your house, Jennings.”
He chuckles softly, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close. “Even after all that, you still want me so bad, don’t you?”
“Let’s just say I’ve gotten a reminder that life is short and I may be gone at any moment. So I guess I should go for everything I want while I’m still here.”
“If I’m what you want, June, I’m yours.”
He brings me close for another kiss. It’s just as intense and illicit as the first, and it’s enough to make all my worries melt away.
If only for a moment.
His palm slides down my curves, cupping my ass as our tongues entwine.
If only it were proper to let him take me in a hospital parking lot.
Alas, I have to wait for us to drive a few dozen miles first.
Life’s cruel like that.
5
JENNINGS
All this Danny stuff’s been fucking me up pretty good inside.
First and foremost? I want to be there for June. It’s undeniable something’s between us now.
But if we’re together over the corpse of her brother?
It doesn’t feel particularly worth it.
He’s not dead, though. He’s just horribly maimed and will have to go through a lot of bullshit to get back to where he was.
Totally different.
We drive back to Burly, our awkwardness overwhelming. It isn’t just Danny. It’s also that I’ve never felt this way about a girl before.
