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“That’s not true,” Anika says quietly. “Look, we’re all under pressure right now. All three of us. Harper isn’t telling you that she’s got money flow problems and it’s put her on edge.”
“No, I only told you that,” Harper says, her mouth a firm line.
“She’s not going to judge you for it, but it might explain why you’re acting like some holier than thou bitch,” Anika shoots back. “We’re all under pressure, and I don’t want us to break over it.”
So Harper isn’t perfect, and she’s taking it out on me. Great. I’m everyone’s punching bag these days, and I’m tired of it. “I think we already have. Look, I’ve already dealt with my mom telling me how ashamed my dad would be of me. I don’t need this.”
Anika’s eyes go sympathetic. “Ivy, she didn’t mean that.”
A lot of people didn’t mean what they said lately.
“Can we sit down and talk this out?” Harper offers. “Ani’s right. We’re all in high-tension situations right now, and I’m not handling it well. I put a lot of money into a project that is turning into a nightmare. Maybe you can help me figure out how to save it.”
It’s all nice and conciliatory, but I can’t forget what she said before. I can’t forget the fact that she went behind my back and warned Heath about me. I can’t help but wonder if Heath believed her.
I can’t be okay right now, and I’m feeling mean.
“Or I would steal it out from under you. You never know with someone like me,” I reply, reaching into my bag and pulling out the last of my cash because I can’t be pathetic and let her pay for my food again. I throw forty dollars on the table and grab my bag. “Can’t trust me with a business, you know. Have fun at your party.”
I start to leave, hearing them call out for me, but I’m done.
I walk up the long ramp that leads me out of the station. I would take the subway but my MetroCard is empty, and I left my cash behind in a gesture of pure pride. And I didn’t even eat my share of the oysters, and the fries hadn’t come out yet.
Frustration wells inside me as I step up and see the rain coming down. I also don’t have an umbrella. Or money for a cab.
The frustration is really sorrow. I don’t want it to be, but that’s the truth.
They don’t come running after me. My cell isn’t blowing up with requests to come back.
I’m on my own.
I step out and let the rain hit me. I have no place to go so I just begin walking.
Chapter Thirteen
Somehow I end up at Heath’s. Not somehow. I walked all those blocks in the rain, and my feet knew exactly where they were going. It certainly wasn’t going to be home. I don’t even know if I should use that word in connection to my mother’s apartment anymore.
I’m feeling wiped out and yet oddly energized. I can’t explain it. As I press the buzzer to let Heath know I’m here, I want the confrontation that’s about to come. I didn’t come here to get comfort from this man. I came here to let him know he’s safe from me.
And then I can be done with all of them and I can talk to CeCe and she’ll help me find a job far away from here and I’ll sit at a desk and slowly disintegrate. That sounds good right now.
I expect Heath’s voice to come over the line, but I merely hear the buzz that lets me know he’s opened the door. I don’t think he has a camera, so I worry he might be expecting someone.
A date?
I’ve been with him pretty constantly over the last week, and he’s never mentioned he’s seeing someone, but I could be overestimating the level of our friendship.
I think about leaving but decide if he has a woman he’s waiting for, that will be damn good for me to know. I stride through, not caring a bit that I’m literally dripping water. I take the stairs instead of the elevator. It’s only three flights and it gives me a chance to get the words straight in my head.
This is not a breakup because we’re not together. So why does it feel like I’m about to lose something precious?
By the time I get to his door, I’m forcing my teeth to stop chattering. I probably look like a drowned rat. I very likely look as pathetic as I feel. Still, I knock on that door, ready to get it all over with. I’ll head to CeCe’s from here to explain my latest debacle. I believe Heath will honor the handshake agreement I have with her. He’s a stand-up guy, but I know this is going to disappoint the hell out of CeCe. Again.
