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I shake my head because that wouldn’t have been possible. “You couldn’t have saved me. It was too much money. Even for you.”
“Well, it’s a terrible thing having to watch someone you adore suffer. Note I didn’t say fail. Failure is a part of life. It’s an important part. We learn from our failures. But they were so harsh with you.”
“You couldn’t have stopped that either.” I hadn’t considered that CeCe would feel that pain with me. I’d assumed she would be embarrassed, and now I had to wonder why. Is there an essential piece of me that can’t forgive myself for what was basic human error? I’d done my best. When the chips were down, I’d played every card I had to help the people around me. What Lydia said to me earlier seems to have taken root inside me. “They built me up, and that means they enjoyed taking me down, too. You can’t know how much it means to me to have you on my side now. I’m not going to let you down again.”
“That’s what you don’t understand. You didn’t let me down the first time. Do you know how many businesses I’ve had fail? How many investments that didn’t work out? The only reason I didn’t end up on the streets is the enormous amount of money I have. I’m smart with it. I never overleverage, and I think that’s a lesson you’ve recently learned.”
“Yes. I assure you I’m not letting anyone else near the money again,” I vow.
“You won’t be able to do that when the company grows. You’ll need someone you can trust, and you’ll need oversight,” CeCe says. “And it shouldn’t be someone you’re sleeping with. I’m not trying to shame you. I’m not. I’m worried about you, though Heath seems more solid than Nick ever was.”
“You could let him know you know his name.”
“Where would be the fun in that?” She slows down, taking a sip of the drink. “Your mother said some things to me that have led me to believe she needs help.”
“Help?”
“Ivy, your mother is depressed. She’s also stubborn, and I can’t tell you the words that came out of her mouth when I suggested she see a doctor.”
No. I could believe the words. My mom is perfectly capable of saying all the bad words. “Wow. No wonder she hasn’t talked to me for weeks. You think she’s depressed?”
“Let me be clearer because that word is misused. I believe your mother is clinically depressed and has been for a very long time. She needs help, but I can’t be the one to get it for her because I’m the one who stole her child.”
I barely manage to not roll my eyes. “You didn’t steal me.”
“I would have.” She reaches over, and a perfectly manicured hand brushes my hair back. It’s the tenderest I’ve ever seen CeCe. “If you’d come back to New York and asked for a place to stay, I would have moved you right in. I had a room ready, didn’t I, Thomas?”
“Absolutely, ma’am. You even had Maid take out all the art because you know how messy our Ivy can be.” Thomas looks back at me through the rearview mirror. “She had Electrician put in so many new power sources.”
“And your own Wi-Fi hub,” CeCe says with a sigh. “He was a lovely young man. Thought he could be an exotic dancer. Terrible rhythm, but I did need an electrician so I sent the lad to school. He rooms with Help Desk. They have a lot in common.”
Yes, she’d sent a lot of lads to schools. She was practically a pretty-boy charity, but I’m still reeling at the idea that she changed her place for me. “I didn’t know that was an option. I’m going to be honest, I probably wouldn’t have ever asked.”
“And you would have turned me down had I offered.” She seems sure that would have been the outcome. “Likely for the same reasons I worry your mother is depressed. I think you wouldn’t have accepted my offer because you think you don’t deserve it. You think you deserve some kind of punishment for your failure.”
I take a longer drink because she might be right. “I should have seen it coming. I should have paid better attention.”
“No, you hired a CFO who had a reputable résumé. Your mistake was letting him talk you into putting his friends on the board. I would love to really delve into what happened. I still don’t buy that it was all accounting and purchasing mistakes. Thomas believes it has a malicious feeling to it, and he was in the military,” CeCe assures me.
I don’t see the point in going over it all again. I want to look forward. Or, more importantly, I want to live in the now for a while. The now includes Heath and the feeling that we’re actually building something. The now includes waking up to fun discussions about the state of publishing with Darnell. He’d warmed up to me once I started reading his novel. His eight-hundred-page novel that isn’t finished yet.
