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I didn’t ask for him to love me for who I am.
My friends push back their chairs, and I’m surrounded by them.
“You are so lovable,” Ani whispers. “I’ve loved you since we were kids.”
“I’ll love you my whole life, sister,” Harper adds. “There is nothing unlovable about you.”
Ani kisses my cheek, and they both sit back down. Ani passes me some tissues. “So what I mean by compromise is that you stop viewing success the way that little girl did. The one who thought the only way she could be happy is buying a freaking mansion on Park Avenue so her mom would be proud of her. You have to let that go. You have to define what success means to you as a functional, practical adult. What will make you happy? I’m not saying you give up being the badass you are. The world needs you, but maybe you shoot for the stars but you land on the moon and there’s a really great guy there who loves you and makes you want to slow down because being with him helps you enjoy this life we have. Maybe that could be success, too.”
“I haven’t worked a Sunday in weeks.” Because Heath always teases me until I give in and watch a movie with him. I would vow I would work after, but I never do. After the movie or the park or hanging out with our friends, we inevitably ended up lying on the couch together letting the day move around us because we were content to simply be together.
“I know. A few Saturdays, too,” Harper says with a smile. “And you usually quit working when you leave Lydia’s. I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed having my friend back.”
Ani reaches out and holds my hand. “Me, too. I like planning things with you and being about half sure we’re really going to do them.”
I’m that bad. Or maybe I had been in the past. I squeeze her hand. “I’ll be more reliable. I promise. I think you’re right. I wasn’t happy in San Francisco. I was scared all the time, and I felt removed from everyone because I always had to be the boss.”
“Let Heath take some of that,” Harper urges. “Code some more. You love it. You know you miss it.”
I do. I miss creating. It was what I loved about the field in the first place. I created worlds where I didn’t have to feel like the outsider.
What if I’d somehow managed to do that here in my real life and I’m letting my past screw it all up? What if I’d felt like the outsider for so long, I don’t realize I’m inside and warm and surrounded by people who genuinely cared about me? “Maybe I will. Ria is working on Emma’s voice. That could be fun to play with.”
It would be, I realize. I’ve been so bogged down in the business that I forgot how exciting it could be at this point. Everything is new, and every day brings some intriguing challenge.
“That sounds perfect.” Harper picks up her pizza again. “And what are you going to do about Heath?”
On that I had no idea. “I’ve got three weeks to figure it out, right?”
Ani’s palms go flat on either side of her plate, and a slightly panicked look hits her eyes. “What if Emma says you’re not a match?”
Harper’s head shakes. “It won’t matter. This is about emotion not logic, and she’s never cared about any guy the way she does Heath. See. I’m smart. I could be a matchmaker.” She grimaces. “Do I really have to do the thing with Heath’s grandma? She seems nice and all but…”
On that I will insist. I’ve been helping Harper with the company’s finances, and it has proved challenging. She owes me. “Absolutely. I’m helping you work through years of financial statements saved by a man who did not believe in organization.”
She nods. “I found tax forms under the bathroom sink. They had Old Spice soaked in. Like old Old Spice, if you know what I mean. Yep. I will do it.”
Ani grins, back to her infectious self. “I’ll let Lydia find me a guy who doesn’t stare at my boobs and then yell at me when his coffee is too hot. Seriously, men in the entertainment field are the worst.”
We start to talk about the future, and for once I let myself think about something other than business.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I wake up the next morning and reach for Heath, turning from my left toward him. I’m used to waking up next to his radiator of a body. He’s big and warm and I feel cold today, so I start to wrap myself around him and get nothing but pillow.
Because I’m alone. Because I didn’t manage to talk myself into going to him the night before and apologizing and begging him to still love me.
