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Lydia stops, turning toward me.
Heath actually puts a hand over my mouth. His whole hand. “She’s going to go to work now, Nonna. I’ll send you CeCe’s number.” He leans over, whispering in my ear. “You should do whatever she says when she gets like this. It goes poorly if you don’t.”
I’m still thinking about the fact that she called me family. She didn’t mean it like that. She was surely talking about the family project. Yeah. She was talking about Emma.
Heath doesn’t give me a chance to seek clarity from his grandmother. He simply turns my body and starts marching me into the office. We’re set up in the big office that Lydia used to use. Once it was a delicate feminine space complete with a sitting area where I was sure she would invite clients in and share tea with them as they talked about what they were looking for in a partner. Now it’s covered in computer equipment and more monitors than any room should have. I’d tripped more than once before Ye Joon had told us we were all barbarians and used some magic to organize the cables.
He closes the door when I’m fully inside and turns to me. “What the hell, Ivy? You cannot be this calm. He eviscerated you. He made you look like you have no thought or care for anyone but yourself.”
It wasn’t the first time. “There’s always someone who is willing to believe that of a woman in a position of power. Anyone in a position of power, really, but it gets particularly nasty when it’s a woman. And I can’t get mad or I play right into a bunch of stereotypes. If I try to shut the story down, I’m covering something up. If I rant about how it’s all his fault, I’m the woman scorned. Honestly, the best thing I can do for the project is to walk away. The best thing I can do for my career is to lay low for a while.”
I feel a little numb, and I have ever since I’d read that article.
“Okay. Then I’m going to go let him know what I think.” Heath starts to turn.
Now I feel a spark of panic. I don’t see what the three moms can do, but Heath can get himself in real trouble. “Don’t you dare. Do you have any idea how a fight between you and Nick would play in the press?”
He looks down at me, and I’m shocked at the stark expression on his face. “I don’t care how it plays in the press. He doesn’t get to do this to you. He doesn’t get to put you in this place where you throw up every wall you have and sacrifice yourself so… I don’t even know why you’re sacrificing yourself. You are this project. I started it for one reason, but now I do it because it feels like we’re building something. Something I would never be able to build by myself. You and me. I know that might be naïve, but it’s true. I got through to you yesterday, but I can’t fight him every day. I can’t win if he’s still here always lurking around, waiting to show you how you screwed up once. You did. You screwed up and fell for an asshole. We all do. I once dated a woman who went viral for trashing a Duane Reade when they stopped stocking her favorite flavor of gummy vitamin.”
“You dated Raspberry Karen?” I remember that video. It made me swear off both drugstores and vitamins.
“That is not the point. The point is I made a mistake, and then some more after her, but if I’m making a mistake with you, I’ll take it. If Nick is in the way, well, I need to handle that. I’ve still got three weeks. Maybe you’ll forget about him in three weeks if he’s dead.”
He’s not serious. Not about the dead part. He was totally serious about my fear coming between us. My fear has me locked in a place I hate, a place I’ve spent far too much time in.
I blink because suddenly there are tears in my eyes. Angry tears.
Nick lied about me. He’s pushing his failures off as mine, and he thinks he can get away with it because I’ve always played by the rules. Always. He knows I won’t cause a scene, that I’ll take the hit and find a way to move on, and he can take whatever he wants.
I feel my fists clench.
“That’s it, baby. Let yourself feel it. You can’t work through it if you don’t feel it.” Heath gets into my space. “It’s okay to feel it here. If you need to, take it out on me.” He brings my fist up to his chest. “I can handle it. What I can’t handle is you standing there with an expression like a blank doll because you can’t imagine anyone is going to protect you. I need to say this so you understand me. You are more important to me than any project. That is true now, and it will be true if this thing makes a billion dollars. If I have to pick between you and Emma, I will always pick you, and I know that might not be the same for you right now, but I don’t intend to get between you and your work. I understand you. I know who you are deep down and I love you. Even if it takes years, one day you’re going to love me, too.”
