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After my sister died, my mother created a world where Anna no longer existed. I know now that it was a coping mechanism. I remember one time, on what would have been Anna’s sixteenth birthday, I said her name. Out loud. I’ll never forget the look on my mother’s face. Pure hatred, disgust, that I would utter a name so sacred.
“Sorry,” I say, desperate to clear the air. “It’s just weird to talk about her.”
“I understand. And honestly, it wasn’t much of a conversation.”
“What else did you guys talk about?”
“You and Jesus were the depth of it. Everything else was small-talk. Weather, politics, she liked to talk baking. Pies. Rhubarb, specifically.”
“You have a good memory. We used to have Sunday dinners and she would go all out on dessert.”
He smiled, fondly. “She was a nice lady.”
I never once, in all these years, considered the fact that Rhett had mourned the loss of my mother.
“Do you still work at the newspaper?” Rhett says, changing the subject.
“I was laid off.”
“When?”
“About six months ago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thanks. I miss it, honestly. Mostly investigating stories.”
“Wish you would’ve investigated mine a little harder.”
I laugh, unsure if it was the appropriate response.
“You know I was offered a book deal?” I say for no other reason than to remind him that I am important. Interesting enough that someone wanted to tell my story.
“Me too,” he says.
“What?”
“Yep. Several.”
“In prison?”
“Yep.”
“Why didn’t you take them?”
He shrugs. “I had other things I was focusing on.”
“Like trying to stay alive?”
“That’s one of them, yes. Why didn’t you take yours?”
I take a deep inhale. “I don’t know… everything was still so raw. I really don’t know why I didn’t take it.”
We pass a man and woman, mid-forties, holding hands as they stroll leisurely along the trail. Not a care in the world. The woman is wearing a yellow leaf in her hair, given to her by her lover, I assume.
“So what do you do now?” Rhett asks. “Since you’ve been laid off?”
“Nothing. I sit on the couch all day and watch reality TV with my hairless cat.”
