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“Why?”
“Because the time we spent together was some of the happiest I’ve ever had. Being with you always makes me smile.”
Janessa gazed at him for a moment, then blinked rapidly before lowering her gaze. “I don’t want to be scared.”
“Can you tell me exactly what you’re scared of?” Will asked. “I mean, I have an idea, but I’d like to know for certain.”
“It’s not too complicated,” she said with a sigh. “I know some people are assuming I was triggered by the accident because my dad was killed in a car accident. That’s partly true. I was so scared that you had died when we were trapped in the car. But it was more than that.”
Janessa rubbed her hands on her thighs, then clasped them together again. “I knew that this was a serious relationship, but I tried to ignore what that meant. Because bigger than my fear of losing you was my fear of something happening to both of us after we had a family.”
That made so much sense to Will. That would be a loss that she could relate to even more than the loss of a spouse. With both of them being in that accident, she no doubt had had a glimpse of a future where they had kids and something similar happened to what she had experienced as a child.
There was nothing he could say to that to allay her fears, so he was pretty sure that her presence there wasn’t to see if they could get back together.
“Are you going to speak to someone about your fears?” Will asked, then held up his hand. “I’m not asking for my sake. The thing is… you might think the fears you have won’t be realized if you keep yourself out of those situations, but fear can spread. You’ll start to worry about something happening to Jay and Misha or Charli, and how that would impact their kids.”
Janessa winced, letting Will know that those thoughts had already crossed her mind. “I know, and yes, I am going to be seeing a counselor.” Her features relaxed slightly. “I’ve realized that letting fear control me meant I wasn’t trusting God, and I’ve been praying that He would help me deal with it.”
“You’re not the only one praying about that,” Will assured her.
A smile briefly crossed her face. “I know, and I appreciate the prayers so very much. I’ve also decided I want to take a step of faith.” She inhaled deeply before continuing, “But it will be a step of faith for you too, and I won’t blame you if you don’t want to do that.”
There was a spark of hope in Will’s heart as he considered what that step might be. “What is it?”
Janessa looked at him, worry in her gaze. Was she really concerned about what he might say?
“Whatever it is, I’m here for you, Janessa. I love you, and I want to do whatever I can to help you.”
Her eyes glistened as tears gathered in them. This time, Will didn’t hold himself back. He shifted forward and covered her hands with one of his. She immediately moved her hands to sandwich his.
“I want… if you want… I’d like to try again. I can’t promise I won’t continue to have issues with this fear, but I won’t end things between us without us both deciding it’s what’s best.”
Will couldn’t imagine a situation where he’d want to end things with her. He would always be willing to do the work to make their relationship a success. That would have been the case with Daphne, too, but he’d never had the chance. As long as Janessa was in it, he’d always stick by her.
“I want us to try again,” Will said. “Nothing would make me happier. I want to be by your side as you deal with this, however you need me. Together.”
Janessa’s tears flowed then as she clung to his hand. “These past few weeks have been horrible. I couldn’t figure out how to move forward. I wanted what I could have with you, but was too scared because of what that could mean. I was a mess. All I wanted was to be able to talk to you and have you hold me.”
It was a balm on Will’s aching heart to know that she’d missed him as much as he’d missed her. He wasn’t glad she’d been hurting, but if that hurt had helped propel her to deal with her fears and bring her back to him, then the pain they’d both experienced would have been worth it.
“I missed you so much too,” Will told her. “It felt like I had a hole in my heart. I’d never felt like that before.”
Janessa wiped her cheeks as her eyes widened. “Not even with Daphne.”
“Especially not with Daphne.” In the first few weeks following his breakup with her, Will would never have imagined that he’d end up loving someone as deeply as he loved Janessa.
“I want to hug you, but we’re kind of an odd pair at the moment.”
When Janessa smiled at him, Will’s heart felt whole again for the first time since the night of the accident.
“I’d managed to go my whole life without breaking a bone,” Janessa said. “And I really hope I never have another one.”
“I’ve had a broken bone before, but a broken arm and leg at the same time has been especially challenging.”
Janessa’s expression turned serious as her gaze swept over him. “How are you doing?”
“Are you asking as a nurse or as my girlfriend?” Will asked.
