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“No way. Glamping was your idea. I’ll stock it before I go to bed and then I’ll get up at like four or five and put logs on. We can split up then, so we only need to interrupt our sleep once.”
“That’s probably a good idea.”
January stood up, stretching her arms above her head. They’d been trying to play cards for an hour, but June insisted on playing all the games their family loved, which were all three- and four-player ones. She’d tried to create new ways of playing, but it was just horrible. Even worse, she kept trying to talk about January’s divorce. She hadn’t mentioned Jotham’s name, but she kept edging around the issue. At least outside, January could just turn and outwalk her sister’s curiosity and insistence on fixing her, even though she was just fine and didn’t need fixing.
That’s what her family couldn’t understand. That she was actually happier. It wasn’t their fault. She hadn’t been able to articulate what was wrong in the first place, so they didn’t believe her when she said she was okay. They just looked at the whole thing and saw a midlife crisis. Or a pending crisis. Maybe they thought she hadn’t gone through the worst of it yet and that’s why they were so worried.
She walked over to the door and grabbed her coat. “Are you coming? You know you want to. Nice long walks in the frigid cold are great. At least the sun is out. It’s super pretty. That has to count for something.”
June leaped up. “I thought you were kidding. You’re the one who hates the cold. I’m used to it.”
“This isn’t real cold. You keep telling me that.”
“It’s not. It’s Washington cold. It’s not cold like in other states, or up north. At least not usually.”
January threw on her jacket and zipped it all the way up. She tugged on a knitted beanie in the same bright red and slipped on her leather gloves. They were ugly and ridiculous and probably a man’s set, but she liked them. They were warm and they had good grip. She didn’t like chunky mittens.
June got dressed for the walk once January had her jacket on. She had a stylish three-quarter length coat that still looked heavy and warm. Her beanie and mitts were black knitted ones with little gemstones on the front and backs. Her boots were designer, whereas January’s were rubber. Her sister was always the stylish one, January did practical.
“We should be doing this the other way around. You should be coming to Phoenix in the winter to get away, not me coming to the cold.”
“I know, I know, but with the kids, it’s hard. It’s hard to get away from work for more than a week at a time too, and that’s just not long enough.”
June didn’t make the implication that it was easier for January to leave her life. She didn’t say that she didn’t have a family, she worked for herself, and she no longer had a husband to worry about. She didn’t say it, but it was there, hanging between them, even if she didn’t mean to put it out there. June had asked January before, so many times, why she didn’t have kids when it was clear she was great around them. Her parents used to bring up her childless state pretty much constantly, but they’d stopped after she turned thirty-five. Instead of getting more insistent, they accepted that she just didn’t want any.
That’s what they assumed, but the truth was, January did want kids. It had been Jotham who wanted to wait until they were thirty. They did try a few years back, but after a year without any luck, she just wanted to stop thinking about it. Either she’d waited too long, or it was never meant to be. In hindsight, she wondered if maybe she should have taken it further and explored other options, but that was all in the past now… Jotham hadn’t been all that disappointed, they had their life and he’d thought it was just fine. For her, she’d been heartbroken, and she’d had to go through it alone.
Maybe that was part of the reason they’d divorced. Maybe it was just the stupid old excuse that they’d grown apart. It wasn’t just one thing. It was a lot of things. All the little things that they didn’t agree on, or that he hadn’t done, or that she hadn’t done or hadn’t wanted.
“Makes sense,” January said softly. She picked up her boot and stared at it, her eyes smarting. She wasn’t going to cry in front of her sister because then June would ask her a million times what was wrong, because something had to be wrong, and then shereallywouldn’t leave it alone.
“You should put socks on.”
“My boots are warm enough without.”
“You could get blisters.”
January hated socks. Maybe it was growing up somewhere super hot most of the time, but she just couldn’t stand them. She did have a few pairs in her bag, but she suddenly felt stubborn. “I’m alright. Don’t worry about me.”
June huffed. “Okay, then. Don’t whine to me when your feet are bloody and blistered.”
“I’m not one of the kids, June. I’m good.”
June stuck out her tongue at that and what had been uncomfortable went back to being not tense at all. That made January’s eyes water a little bit more. What the heck was going on with her?
She slipped her foot into the boot, taking care that she didn’t just ram it in because of the injury to her shin. She stopped when she felt something jammed up into the toe.
They’d had a cat growing up that used to stick all sorts of toys and garbage into their shoes. But there was no cat at the cabin. Had she forgotten her sock in the toe of the boot from earlier? No, she’d gone to the outhouse with just bare feet in her boots.
“What the hell?” January took her foot out, picked the boot up, and turned it upside down. Nothing came out.
“What’s wrong?” June watched her intently.
“Something’s jammed into the toe.”
“Your sock?”
“No.” She shook again, and still nothing fell out. This was so weird. She stuck her hand into the boot and reached into the toe. “Oh my god!” She screamed and dropped the boot and leapt back.
