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There. It felt good to get that off her chest. She needed to say it and she didn’t know if she’d be brave enough to do it once she got inside. Out here, the fresh, crisp air was bracing. Out here, Lily seemed like just a regular sweetheart of a woman whose kindness outshone and outstripped January’s fears. It was easy to put the words out. But inside? With Tavish so close by, watching her, making her feel strange things, turning her insides into quivering liquid, making her want to consider what it would be like to stay here?
No. That wasn’t what she wanted out of life.
“I shouldn’t even be here now,” she continued in a ragged whisper. “I let Tavish convince me that it would be alright. I should be packing my stuff and getting ready to go back to Phoenix.”
“Don’t worry. No one is going to stop you from leaving or living the kind of life you want. That thing about mates? Maybe he shouldn’t have come out with it like that, but when you have an inkling, you have an inkling, you know?”
“No.”
“I know. I didn’t get it either, not at first. It’s not like how regular dating works. You can meet your mate and be on opposite ends of the world. You can know your mate is out there and forever long for them and ache for them, but live a separate life if that’s what needs to be done. I know Tavish. He’s a good man who has a sweet, gentle soul. He might be big and burly and do security around here and be Sam’s guard, but he’s also his best friend. He doesn’t just work at the clinic because he was designated for the job. He truly loves helping others. You want to leave here and never see him again? He’d let you make that choice no matter how much it hurts him.”
“Hurts him?” A sharp pain stabbed through January. She recalled all too well the terrified, vulnerable expression in the bear’s eyes and then in Tavish’s when he’d shifted back in that alley yesterday. The only thing she’d wanted to do was protect him, even if that seemed irrational in the face of what she should have done, which was run and protectherself.
Something more than human compassion and kindness kept her rooted to the spot. It brought her back and it made her sit in that truck. It brought her here this morning.
Whatever it was, it was strong enough to override her good judgement, self preservation, and all her hopes for a future that was dictated solely by herself.
Tavish had described mates as being kind of like destiny. Though even he had trouble describing what that actually meant, because a lot of their stories had been lost through the centuries, and no female shifters had been born to their clan for over a hundred years. The closest thing he could compare it to was fate. Fate. Did she really believe in anything like that?
Lily reached out and set a hand on January’s shoulder. She didn’t feel it through the puffy coat and at the same time, it was almost like she’d been touched with a red-hot poker. It took all her energy and will not to pull back. She got drawn into Lily’s smile instead. “I know what you’re going through. Trust me, I know it’s not easy. Anger, denial, shock, resistance, desire… it’s all normal. Everything you’re feeling is perfectly normal. Sam and Tavish don’t expect anything different.”
“I’m scared he’s going to tell me that I have to stay here. As a prisoner,” January admitted. Why the heck had she come, then, instead of getting in her car and heading straight back to Phoenix? “I’m scared that even if I wanted to hide, I couldn’t.”
“It’s not like that. We’re not like that. You’re definitely not a prisoner. You’re a good woman.”
“You don’t know me.”
Lily laughed. The sound was pretty and light, like the wind, like it belonged out there blending in with the wilderness just past the front porch. “I know, but I trust Tavish’s judgement. He’s been here for an hour, telling us what happened and assuring us that on a scale of wonderful people, you’re one of the best he’s ever met.”
“Flattery,” January insisted, but then wondered why she’d said so. He wasn’t flattering her. She wasn’t even there. “Maybe he just wants to make sure that no foul accidents befall me.”
“No accidents. Just like me or Josephine or Glendy—we’re all human women—you can leave at any time you choose.”
Lily’s expression spoke volumes. It said that even if she was offered the world instead, she would never, ever leave. It also said that the rest of the women felt the same. Not because Greenacre was beautiful itself or magical or wild, but because they’d found love, a love stronger than reason or sanity or human bonds. And right there, in her open and honest expression, was the truth of what she was implying about January.
That if she gave it even half a chance, she wouldn’t want to leave either.
So she couldn’t. She couldn’t give it half a chance.
Her life wasn’t here. She didn’t want to stay. She didn’t want to get involved in another relationship and run the risk that it would fail. She wasn’t looking, because she didn’t want her heart to be broken again.
Chapter 11
Tavish
When January walked into the cabin behind Lily, pink-cheeked from the cold, hair tangled from the breeze, smudges under her eyes from lack of sleep and a determined set to her jaw, it took all his self-control not to rake his eyes over her, burning her with his intense stare, until he made sure she was okay.
Had he doubted she’d come? Not for a second. She said she would. He trusted her word.
Was he afraid that she’d steel herself against him before he even got a chance to plead his case, a case that he knew was an irrational, uphill battle? Yes. Yes, he was.
He didn’t want her to see that, so he hid his worry behind a smile. She didn’t return it. Her eyes whipped away as soon as they landed on him, darting over to Sam, around the comfy, homey living room, and then back to Lily. Lily was her safe place. He could tell by the way her shoulders curled in slightly with relief and the way Lily edged half an inch closer to January.
Before he could say anything, she crossed her arms. Her body language said that she had something she wanted to get out and she wasn’t going to be talked out of it. He stayed silent. He could always refute anything she said or try to come to a sort of compromise. He’d fight for her if he had to.
“Lily said outside that I’m not a prisoner.”
He gaped at her. He and Sam shared mutualwhat the fucklooks.
