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He’d been so stunned and astounded the first time, a week later, when she’d just stepped into him and pulled his face down to hers and kissed him without warning.
He’d known from the first moment he saw her that he would spend the rest of his life loving her, protecting her, doing all the good and the bad with her, if she’d have him.
“I think you need to give yourself some time. You’ve already relearned so much,” Grace urged.
Kier dropped his hands away guiltily. He had no right to show despair. If he did, he had to save it for private moments. He knew why Taylee was trying to reject him. Because she was good and selfless. She always had been. It made his heart ache. He couldn’t let her do that. Not unless it was truly what she wanted. He didn’t think it was, and so he wasn’t going to give up.
“I’m not going to relearn how to love him. He shouldn’t have to wait for that. It could take years.”
A thin wail interrupted their conversation, but he didn’t breathe a sigh of relief. He hadn’t breathed one for a month. Not since Clay’s call, telling him that his mate had been seriously injured. He could have lost her. Maybe he was losing her as she chose to pull away, day by day, because that’s what she thought was best.
Even above Onyx’s wail, which grew increasingly demanding with every second, he still heard Taylee’s mom respond to her. “Love takes a lifetime to mature. If you ever stop learning how to love, then you’re doing something wrong. It’s like personal growth. There’s no end. Not until we rest our heads for good. Now. I’ll change Onyx. Will you prepare her bottle, please?”
A short pause, then Tay’s strained response. “Of course. I’ll let Kier feed her. That always makes him so happy.”
“Any time he spends with her makes him happy. He’s completely and utterly in love with this little girl. He’d do anything for her.”
He held his breath and his heart slowed. It felt like it stopped entirely, but then Taylee walked down the stairs. She ignored him as she made the bottle in the kitchen, mixing up the formula. He caught sight of her face for a brief glimpse and saw guilt there. He didn’t like that he also saw anger. And pain.
He couldn’t imagine how she felt when her milk dried up. She’d tried to breastfeed a week after the accident, and it just wouldn’t happen. Taylee had said it felt like her body had forgotten too—not just her brain. It had forgotten how to be a mother.
He knew that wasn’t true. Every single time she looked at Onyx, every time she held her or talked to her, or did anything with her, it was very clear that she remembered. She moved with such an easy grace, but even though she was little more than five four—small for a shifter woman—and so lithe and petite, she had the protective air of every new mom. He had no doubt she’d take on an entire army if Onyx was ever threatened, and even in her human form, she’d be deadly.
Clay was a warrior. A fighter. Jem was probably pretty good in that department too, though he’d never seen him in action and no one ever said anything about that. The brothers had similar builds. Taylee was a heck of a lot smaller than either of them, but she had that warrior spirit in her as well.
“Here.” He startled when he found her right in front of him, holding out the bottle. Despite the conversation she’d just had with her mom, her face was soft. His fingers closed over the warm glass. “Mom’s just changing her. They’ll be down in a second.”
“Sure.” His throat was rough, recalling what Taylee had said up there. If he told her that he’d heard, would she be even angrier? Would she feel like he’d invaded her privacy? He wanted her to believe him when he told her he didn’t want anything from her. That he could wait. That he didn’t have any expectations. That when two people were connected, their lives were forever intertwined and that belief in the most ancient instinct of all kept him going. “Thank you.”
She settled uneasily on the loveseat across from him. She tucked her legs up, folding them at an angle. Her mom was right. She’d lost a lot of weight this past month. His worry spiked. The pain too. He wanted his mate to thrive. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted their old life back, but he’d tamped down his rage at fate the best he could, and he’d accepted that it might never happen. That he only had now, and he was damn thankful he even had that. He’d never, ever take it for granted.
What he wanted to tell Taylee most of all was that he was just trying to hold it all together. He wasn’t strong or brave or kind or extraordinarily patient. He was just taking it minute by minute, doing the best he could for her, and for their daughters.
The gnawing ache of despair quieted inside him as soon as Tay’s mom walked down the stairs. She was always so self-assured. Quiet, but gentle, and wise. She passed over the well swaddled bundle. Already two months old, his daughter was still so tiny. She was a miracle to him. Even more so because she was a girl. The first to be born to a Greenacre shifter in almost a hundred years.
Onyx had the same jet-black hair as her mom, and lots of it. She had eyes as black as inky midnight. Right now, he couldn’t see a bit of himself in those tiny, delicate, perfect features, and that was okay. He was proud that she was as beautiful as her mom. She was peaceful too. Even from the start, she’d barely cried. She was a beautiful, content baby.
It felt like the entire world shifted when she was set into his arms. The noise inside his head turned right off. Onyx reached out, waving her fists at him. She made a sucking motion with her lips, her tiny mouth working already. It was clear what she wanted, and he brought the bottle to her. She latched on immediately and started powering through that bottle.
Taylee’s laugh was like seeing the northern lights after a lifetime of waiting. He looked up and her smile pulsed through him, lighting up the darkness that had seemed so heavy lately. The look of love on her face made him melt. He was so happy to see her happy. He could also tell that she was absolutely smitten with her daughter. The love there was strong and powerful. He wasn’t surprised to feel the sting of tears and he quickly looked down at Onyx again. His one hand supported her neck and head, the other held her bottle. She was so tiny in his arms. So tiny and so right. He’d never felt a purer joy than he felt in every smile, every dimple of those chubby cheeks, every kick and wail, every purse of the lips, every blink of those long, dark eyelashes. He’d never met anyone more perfect than this child he’d helped create.
“She loves those things,” Taylee said. “Even if I don’t like that she has to have them.”
She meant the bottles. “I know you don’t. I know that’s hard.”
She nodded, biting at the corner of her thumbnail, tears filling her eyes suddenly. “It’s just so…”
“There aren’t words for it.”
“No.” She tapped her head. “And not because I don’t remember.”
He didn’t want to push her, but he thought she could use some hope. Another reason to smile and laugh. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Okay, I’ve been thinking about it since the accident.” He might as well be honest. “I’d like to set up a schedule. Not because I think you need regularity or it’s some form of secret treatment, but because I think Misty needs it. And Onyx. We’re not living together. There’s no pressure to do that. I don’t expect you to make the move now after what happened.”
“Okay,” she said softly, and it looked like she believed him. “I’ve been thinking about that too. Misty’s eight. She has school and new friends and she’s starting a new life, and it’s all overwhelming. Getting her into a regular routine would be so helpful. She’s had a lot of trauma in her life. Abandonment. I don’t want her to feel like I’m not there for her. I don’t remember making that commitment, but I’m making it now. I made it the second I met her. All children need to be loved and she’s had a giant vacuum in her life where that emotion should be. I want to do what’s healthy for her. For both girls. It’s been on my mind a lot.”
“Mine too. I’m going to get them to set regular hours for me at the clinic. And regular hours doing watch. Tavish understands. Sam too. They’re both dads. We’ve been thinking about training a few of the younger shifters to do guard duty. And training another for the clinic, now that Greenacre is growing. I’ll have regular times when we can get together as a family. For the girls.” He sputtered through that part, but Taylee didn’t appear pressured. She’d just confided in her mom how she felt crushed by expectations that no one meant for her to feel, so he didn’t want this to be another one. “Maybe in the early afternoon, so Onyx can still get to bed at a regular time?” She was still basically a newborn, but Taylee and her mom tried to get her on schedule right from the start.
“Yes. Maybe right after Misty is done with school for the day? I’d like to be there for her. Maybe I can get my dad or Clay or Jem to drive me over there every other day and the rest of the time, you could come here? Same time on the weekends too?”
