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By noon, Chris was exhausted from so many hours of crying and thinking, but she’d made some decisions. Slowly, she built a little fire under the dry leaves of the tent and heated some soup left from the day before.
She took her rain gear from the pile of garments in a corner. There was no furniture in the little tent, just a sleeping roll, a few clothes and now the little fire under the flap outside.
With her back rigid, Chris left the tent. The rain was coming down very hard and when it hit the hot kettle, it gave off wisps of steam.
Tynan had rigged himself a piece of canvas supported by two poles in the front. It left the sides and the front open and, as long as the wind didn’t blow the rain about, the occupant could stay dry. Ty was stretched out, his head on his saddle, a book in his hand when Chris arrived.
“I brought you some soup,” she said above the rain.
Sitting up, he reached out and took the pot from her as she withdrew biscuits from under her slicker. “May I sit down?”
“I don’t think that…yes, of course,” he said at last, looking at her hard. No one could miss the fact that she’d been crying for many hours.
“I’ve been awake all night and I’ve been thinking about what you told me and I’ve come to some decisions.” She took a deep breath. There was no use stalling. “First, I’d like to say that I thank you for telling me what you did. I’m sure it’s not something that you tell everyone.”
She lowered her head and didn’t look at him as he stared in open-mouthed astonishment. “I think the best way to say this is just to get it out. I don’t know very much about love, never having experienced it before, at least not love between a man and a woman, but I think I have sense enough to recognize it when I see it. I don’t know how or why, but I’ve fallen in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know your secret now and, after much thought—I don’t want you to think that I say this lightly—I know it doesn’t matter. I’ve never made love to a man before so I’ll never have any idea what it is that I’m missing and, as for children, I have some contacts in New York and if it’s all right with you, we can take in an orphan or two.”
Chris stopped and looked up at a sound from Tynan. For a moment, she was astonished because he seemed to be having a sort of fit. Was epilepsy what was wrong with him?
“Tynan,” she said, moving toward him.
He had his hands on his stomach, his legs drawn up, his mouth open and he didn’t seem to be breathing.
She was ready to call for help when she suddenly realized that he waslaughing.
She sat back on her heels, watching him as he finally caught his breath and began to laugh as she’d never seen anyone laugh before.
“An orphan or two!” he gasped. “I don’t know what I’m missing. I’ll take you anyway.” With each word, he doubled over harder and laughed more deeply—and Chris’s backbone grew more rigid.
“I am certainly glad that I am a source of amusement for you, Mr. Tynan. May we pretend that this conversation never took place?” With that she moved out of his shelter and started back to her own tent.
Ty caught her skirt hem. He was still laughing and weak from the effort. “Don’t be mad, Chris, it’s just that I—” He broke off and went into fresh peals of laughter at a new memory and Chris wondered how she could ever have thought she loved this idiot of a man. At the moment she wished the earth would open and swallow him.
“Come in out of the rain,” he said, making a valiant effort to control himself, but his lips were twitching and his eyes watery.
“No thank you. Please release my skirt so I can get back to my own tent. I don’t think we have anything to say to one another.”
He began to sober somewhat, although he seemed too weak to stand as he reached up, took her by the waist and pulled her into the shelter. It was like trying to manipulate a stone statue.
“Chris,” he began and, again, he gave a little laugh.
Chris tried to get away but he pulled her into his lap and held her there, her hands held firmly against her sides.
He took a full minute trying to calm himself. “Chris,” he said at last. “As long as I live I will remember this…ah, proposition of yours. I have certainly never been offered anything like it nor have I even heard of something like this being offered to anyone else. It is kind and generous of you.”
“May I go now?” she asked, making a move to get off his lap.
“Not until you let me explain. When I said that Icouldn’tmake love to you, I didn’t mean that I—” He stopped for a moment and worked to control his smirking lips. Chris stiffened even more in his lap. “I didn’t mean that physically I couldn’t, I meant that there were other reasons as to why I can’t touch you.”
“You seem to have been doing enough of that,” she said through tight lips.
“Sometimes I can’t help myself. By ‘touch’ you I mean to make love to you. That Ican’tdo.”
“It’s me, isn’t it? If I were like Mr. Lanier’s maid with her big bosom and hips you wouldn’t have any problem at all, would you?”
“Damn it! It isn’t physical! It’s—”
Her nose was almost touching his. “I thought that if the woman was willing then the manalwayswas. That’s what my mother told me. I’ve been fighting off men all my adult life and now I offer myself to one and hecan’t.If it’s not me and it’s not you and it’s not fat ladies, what is it”
