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“I need to ask Poppy about Murphy,” I say, though I want nothing more than to leave.
“I’ll watch him tomorrow so you can go.”
The offer is a bittersweet one. Half of me is overwhelmed that he would even do that, but the other half is wishing he would have said:Come over to my house tomorrow night instead. I’ll feed you gelato in between kisses.But this is reality and in reality, Adrian is warming up to friendship, not falling in love with me.
“Thank you,” I say to him as he opens the door for me.
“You’re welcome. Now, tell me why you’re nervous.”
He grabs the handle of my wagon before I can and starts to drag it behind him. If he keeps being so nice I’m going to end up blurting out that I like him. And based on how hard it was to become friends, he wouldfreak outif I did that. We’d probably never speak again. My heart sinks at the mere thought of losing Adrian’s company, even if it’s semi-torturous to be around him and be attracted to him.
“I don’t have much dating experience, first of all. Or any experience in interacting with men in general. I’m worried I’m going to ramble like I do with you and then all of the guys are going to think I’m awkward and weird.”
Confessing that makes my face hot, but Adrian keeps his eyes ahead and his expression neutral. After a beat, the tension releases in my chest. Admitting that out loud felt kind of good. Someone other than Caroline–the one making me do this–knows how I’m feeling.
“I could help you if you want.”
“What do you mean?”
“We can have a trial run. That way you’re not as nervous for tomorrow.”
My stomach has apparently become a gymnast in the last hour because it is doing all sorts of backflips. Just a few minutes ago I was daydreaming about dating Adrian and here he is–offering me that same experience … more or less.
“Like a practice date?”
“No, not a date.” He makes the clarification fast, his voice clipped. “A trial run. Like a mock trial for court.”
My romantic heart deflates a little, but not entirely because even if he doesn’t want tocallit a practice date, that doesn’t mean that’s not what it is. What else could it be?
“Comparing a singles’ event to court is oddly accurate, though it does not soothe my anxiety in the slightest.” I twist the paper sleeve on my to-go cup.
We pause at the end of my driveway. Adrian stares down at me, the sunset now faded, leaving behind a pale blue light that makes his irises look almost indigo.
“You told me you felt safe with me.” His voice is low and it sends goosebumps across my skin.
“I do,” I whisper. The moment feels heavy, holding something I can’t quite name within it. Everything is quiet, even the ducks Mr. Kipton scolds aren’t making a sound.
“Then I’m the perfect person to do this with. I’m not going to judge you. We made a deal when I agreed to those friendship lessons. You wanted me to help you with your confidence. I don’t back down on my agreements.” He says all this with solid certainty as if he’s just stating a fact. But there’s an undercurrent of tenderness too that makes me feel secure and cared for.
I pull in a deep breath, then let it out in awhoosh. I told myself I’d start taking more risks. What’s riskier than a practice date with the guy I have a crush on?
“Okay, I’ll do it.”
“Put away your groceries and meet me over at my place when you’re ready for court.” His full lips lift into a teasing grin that stops my heart.
All of this emotion isn’t good for me. I’m going to need to see a doctor. After years of nothing but safe and calm, I don’t know if my heart can take all of this excitement.
Chapter seventeen
Juliette Monroe
“Don’toverthinkthis,Juliette,”I murmur to myself as I shove a box of pasta in my cabinet, only to look up and realize I put it next to my soup bowls. I retrieve it and walk it over to its rightful place.
I’m going to have to reorganize my entire kitchen if I keep this up. Or I’ll spend so long putting my groceries away that Adrian will give up on me. I almost hope that happens, because I don’t know if I can handle this. My heart is trying to escape my chest and I feel too warm, my skin too tight. Murphy’s head lifts at the sound of cereal shaking in the box I’m holding. I set it down, closing my eyes, and focusing on my breathing.In for four, hold for four, out for four.
I shouldn’t feel this anxious over a practice date, no not even that, atrial run, as Adrian so kindly put it. Disappointment accompanied his clarification at first, but now relief swoops in. If he isn’t viewing this as a date, then I don’t need to either. It’s not that I’m afraid of Adrian, I wasn’t lying when I said I felt safe with him. I’m more afraid of showing just how inept I am at romance, all the while falling for him like the foolish woman I am.
Even accounting for his gruff nature, I’m certain Adrian has been on his fair share of dates. He’s too gorgeous not to have, plus there’s the solid confidence he radiates at all times. I’m convinced he’s never cared what anyone thought of him his entire life. Meanwhile, I spent my childhood doing only things that would elicit pride in my parents and softening my tone so that I never sounded disagreeable. Having anattitudeonly made things worse in their house.
