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I wet my lips then lift my arms to rest around his neck. Just when I start to push up on my tiptoes to brush my lips against his, he steps back, gently pulling my arms from around him. Confusion threads my brows together.
“Juliette, I–” He rakes a hand through his hair. “I’m not interested in a relationship. I’m sorry.” His tone is soft, but his words sting like a whip against bare skin.
“I thought–” I cut myself off, shaking my head and taking a step back.
There’s no way I was wrong.He wants me. I look up to study his expression once more but he’s smoothed it of all emotion. A sob crawls up my throat, but I fight it down. Voices from my childhood twist around me like a tornado.Why would he want you? Your own parents didn’t love you.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. I can’t help but recall Adrian’s rule for unnecessary apologies. It makes the ache in my chest stronger.
Another step back and I’m at my door. I rush inside, ignoring Adrian’s pleas to wait. The latch clicks and my first tear escapes.
The walk to my bedroom is a blur. I stumble to my bed and curl up in a fetal position. It’s stupid to cry over him not wanting to kiss me, but it feels like so much more than that. I spent my whole life assessing my parents’ emotions in order to please them and be wanted by them. It never worked, which is why I ran away.
Adrian is one of the few people I felt like I could be myself around. Being fake around him wasn’t even an option because he’d see right through me. His rejection is so painful because he’s the first man I’ve opened up to. He helped me through a panic attack. He’s been in my home and I met his family. Since leaving California I haven’t been vulnerable with anyone the way that I have with him.
I don’t know if I can ever face him again. The embarrassment of it all is going to haunt me forever. How can we be friends when I tried tokisshim? I risked our friendship and lost. It’s clear now I should have played it safe like I have my whole life. My heart is barely healed from childhood, I shouldn’t have opened up to more pain. At least when I was lonely I didn’t feel like this.
Chapter twenty-four
Adrian Carter
I’veneverbeentheguy who takes his frustrations out on a punching bag or in a ring–that’s Maverick’s thing–but I’ve run out of ideas. My fist smacks against the leather bag hanging in Maverick’s garage. The throbbing ache in my knuckles does nothing to deter the pain in my chest, checking this method off the list of things to distract me from Juliette.
In the past week I’ve ran several miles everywhere but the lake, deep cleaned my house, gone to MJ’s house and spent time with them, watched basketball with my dad, and worked way too much on managing our security teams. Through all of it, my mind found a way to bring up Juliette. It’s like she’s in the air. Every breath I take is a reminder of her. But all my breaths feel like I’m dragging my lungs over a gravel road.
I swing and jab harder, trying to escape my emotions, but every time I close my eyes I see her face crumpling. Sleep has eluded me like a master criminal: every time I try to catch it I grab ahold of a memory instead. Juliette pouring tea for me, her fingertips brushing over my arm, her curves pressed against me in a hug.
“Okay, that’s enough,” Maverick says over the sound of my fists hitting the hard leather. I pause, my chest heaving and sweat dripping down my temples. Maverick stands in the garage opening, watching me.
“I’m not done.” The words scratch against my throat. “Give me a little longer, then you can have it back to yourself.”
Maverick extends his hand, giving me a towel. I take it and wipe my face and neck.
“You’re done. Whatever you’re running from isn’t going to go away just because you bloody your knuckles.”
I bite back the cruel words I want to spew at him. He doesn’t deserve for my baggage to be thrown at him. Even if he is a hypocrite since I know after his fiancée cheated on him he broke his hand doing this.
“Fine. I’ll leave.” I throw the towel on a nearby chair and grab my bottle of water before walking toward him.
He presses a hand against my chest to keep me from pushing past him. “You know you can talk to me.”
“The same way you talked to me?” The words come out before I can stop them, but I’m tired of everyone asking me to be vulnerable when they aren’t themselves.
I shrug his arm off of me and step around him, walking to my car.
“I talked to Grayson,” he says, making me stop. “Neither of us are the best with emotional stuff, but he is. That’s why I didn’t talk to you. But I’ve gotten better and I figured talking to me is better than you bottling it up, so I offered.”
Hearing that Mav talked to Grayson makes sense, but still catches me off guard. Sometimes I forget that all of my brothers have relationships with each other that don’t involve me.
“I messed up with Juliette again,” I say, my back still turned. “That’s all.”
“Want me to call Grayson? I think Levi is off for a few hours too. MJ is out of town, but we could call her.” My shoulders tense at the thought of anyone else seeing me be raw and open. “I know you hate the idea of opening up, but we could just hang out. You don’t have to be alone all the time.”
Most of the time I enjoy being alone, but thinking of going home to my quiet cottage with Juliette right next door makes my chest tight. I turn around to face Maverick again.
“Okay, you can call Grayson and Levi, but leave MJ out of it. She likes Juliette and I don’t need her ranting at me for messing things up.”
“Wealllike Juliette, but if you don’t want me to call her, I won’t. Now come inside, it’s cold out here.”
