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Maybe I could go and visit. It’s been years, and it’s unlikely I’d run into my parents. I can’t live in fear forever, well I can, but I don’t want to.
“I’ll think about it. I know that’s not a real answer–”
Caroline cuts me off with a wave of her hand. “No, the fact that you’d think about it after all you’ve been through says something.” She glances back at the gate. “I should go. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you, J.”
“Love you, Care.”
We hug once more, and then I watch her disappear into the throng of people boarding. I wipe tears away with the sleeve of my sweatshirt as I walk back to my car.
The only thing lifting my spirits right now is the thought of that folded up piece of parchment on my table back home.
The whole drive home I listened to the Pride and Prejudice 2005 soundtrack and tried to guess what Adrian’s letter might say.
Now that I’m back, it takes all my self-control not to yank the seal off. I want to be sure to preserve it in case this is the kind of letter I look back on fondly years from now. So, after carefully removing the seal in a way that won’t damage the paper, I smooth out the letter and begin to read.
Dear Jules,
I’m writing you this letter because I made a mistake. I should have kissed you on your porch. Actually, I should have kissed you long before that. I’m known to be a man of action and not of words, but since I failed you in the area of action, I’m hoping words will help aid me in winning back your affection.
It’s not easy for me to trust others. In the past, I was betrayed by people I worked closely with in order for them to climb the ladder. After experiencing that, I thought it was better to live life on my own. But you came along and changed everything.
The first time I saw you, something shifted within me. You were this ethereal being made of softness and light. I was immediately mesmerized and hated it, so I attempted to push you away. Now I know better than to think you’d be so easily deterred.
I didn’t deserve your efforts–I still don’t. Your kindness and gracefulness are boundless. But I’ve come to accept the fact that while I can’t be who you deserve, neither can any other man. So, I’m asking for permission to fail you.
Over the course of our friendship, I’ve failed you many times, and you’ve still remained by my side. I’m hoping and praying that you will do the same if we become something more. Because I’d like to be so much more.
I need you, Jules. Watching you walk away was a pain I’ve never known. I’m determined not to experience it ever again. Please forgive me. If you do, come find me when you finish this letter. If not, I’ll understand and leave you alone.
Yours,
Sunshine
Tears flow down my face for the second time today. I push the letter away so that my tears don’t blur the ink. I want to keep this letter for the rest of my life. No one has ever written me something so heartfelt before. I feel as though I read his heart on the page and it wasbeautiful.
He didn’t try to be someone else, either. Everything about the letter is so veryhim, down to the slant of his handwriting. I loved it.I think I love him.The thought of loving him is warm and comforting like the first sip of hot apple cider on Christmas morning. There’s no fear, just a sweet bubbly happiness filling my chest.
It might be too soon, I don’t know. All I know is I have to find him.
Chapter thirty
Adrian Carter
Earlier that day...
“Igavehertheletter,” I announce upon walking into Grayson’s office.
I tried to keep myself occupied with work today, we even had a big client come in requesting our services, but I haven’t been busy enough to get my mind off of what Juliette thinks. I’m not sure it’s even possible to reach that level of busyness.
I know she likely won’t read the letter until I’m home for the day since Caroline’s flight leaves in the afternoon. Knowing this only makes the nervous energy inside me grow.
Grayson looks up from his laptop.
“And? Are you married yet?”
I give him a flat look before falling down on his couch. Something jabs me in the back, so I reach beneath me. A mini football. Of course. Shrugging, I start to toss it in the air above me.
“No, she hasn’t read it yet.”That I know of.At least, I hope she hasn’t. Because she hasn’t tried to get in touch with me all day.
