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“H
i, Patricia, thanks for taking my call,” I said, balancing the phone on my shoulder while I flipped the page on my notepad looking for the information Flynn had asked me for. Zali wanted access to the Reserve Bank’s archives. She didn’t give him any other information, so I was largely running blind. But I knew she would have already found anything publicly available—it was the data behind firewalls that she would be after.
“Not a problem, detective. What is it that I can help you with?”
“You’re the director of the Reserve Bank’s archive, right?” I asked, hoping I’d finally reached the right person.
“No, but I am the director of the library. The archive falls under my purview, so six of one half a dozen of the other, I suppose,” she responded, her tone friendly even though she was schooling me on the ins and outs of her job.
“Okay, great. Thanks for clarifying.”
I rubbed my forehead and pressed my thumb and forefinger against the bridge of my nose. I was struggling, absolutely torn between my obligations to my job and the need to be there for the people I cared about more than anyone. Knowing the turmoil that each one of them were no doubt facing was killing me.
Tris was on the edge. He’d been pushed beyond his limits this morning. I hated that I played a part in it, but introducing him to Zali and Flynn was a necessity. I didn’t expect their chemistry to be so explosive and I wouldn’t have guessed in a million years that he’d fall for them. But the way he looked at Zali and Flynn said it all. It was as if they’d hung the moon and stars in the sky and he was their greatest fan. And now he was facing a choice—take a risk that had very real consequences or lose the two people who’d slipped under his defences and captured his heart.
Regret was a bitch. I’d lived with it for so long. I wasn’t even sure what it was like to be free from it. But Tris was different. He went after what he wanted. He didn’t give up. The thing was that either choice had the potential to haunt him. I didn’t want Tris to live with the same regret I did, but I didn’t know how to protect him from it.
Especially because I was struggling with the same choices.
Tris wasn’t the only one I was worried about. Flynn was besotted by him. Just like Zali, I’d watched him grow up turning from a timid little thing into a quiet young man who was still hesitant about his place in the world. But I was now watching him come into himself. He was a good man with a precious heart who deserved a lifetime of happiness. Even that would be a drop in the ocean against the shitty handhe’d been dealt as a kid. But I could see Tris and Zali giving it to him. He’d been standing straighter and smiling wider since Tris had come into their world and shaken up the rut Flynn and Zali had found themselves in. He was like a butterfly spreading its wings and realizing for the first time just how beautiful the world was with him in it. He hadn’t lost a single iota of his charm either. His shy smiles still made my breath catch and my arms ache with how empty they were.
Zali had let her walls down too and the sight was spectacular. It was funny—she and Tris were so alike. Stubborn, fiercely determined, independent as hell, and bold and brash. But she’d shown me a softer side of herself that both Flynn and Tris brought out. It wasn’t until I’d watched her with them at lunch that it occurred to me. I don’t think I’d ever seen her truly relaxed and happy before, not like she’d been that day.
God, I wanted that. I wanted to see her smile every day, to look at me with love shining in her eyes like she does to Flynn and Tris. I wanted to be someone who could wrap my arms around her and kiss her.
Every day that passed, the temptation to give in, to say “fuck it” and jump in the deep end grew. I wish I could do it. But I was trapped.
Anything more between us was an impossibility, because I faced a choice too. One that there was no going back from.
She was worth it. So was Flynn. They were worth making that choice a million times over. But I wouldn’t be the only one affected, and I couldn’t be that selfish, not when they’d already paid too high a price for love.
I was destined to sit on the sidelines, watching and trying to keep her out of trouble so she could be happy, and Flynn could be loved.
But that delicate, gossamer-fine thread of happiness and love could never last without some hard truths being spoken. Zali needed to be forthright some time. She couldn’t keep her truth from Tris, nor should she. He deserved to know what he was getting himself into, because it was more than just the podcast, or even his freedom, at risk. Being a part of Zali’s, and in turn Queen’s, inner circle meant accepting an inherent level of danger.
I protected all of them the best I could. I had the same level of digital resources applied to Zali, Flynn, Ry and Zali’s dad as some of Australia’s highest profile targets. It was significantly more than my bosses would deem necessary if they ever found out about them. But I needed to do it. Monitoring chatter on the dark web about Queen and those closest to her was about the only thing I could do short of a security detail. But none of it was foolproof.
One day I might fail. I could lose her. I could lose Flynn, or her dad or Ry. If Tris wanted in permanently, he needed to know that he could become a target too.
Zali lived among the many gradations of grey in the black and white world Tris had carefully cultivated around him. In his mind, like much of the community’s, legal was good and illegal was bad. But it wasn’t that simple. Zali navigated the spaces between right and wrong according to her own moral compass. She regularly stepped off the divide between the two, delving into the darkness or coming up into the light. Flynn understood. He saw the person underneath. He knew that she would come back to him in the light. But Tris didn’t know that. He’d only scratched the surface and in doing so, had seen the thing that scared him the most—someone so alike him, but who thrived in those grey areas, who could sink into darkness and not be consumed by it.
I rubbed my chest, the ache in my heart worse than the one in my head. I wanted to be there for them. I wanted to help broker a peace treaty, one that would see Zali, Flynn and Tristan safe and happy.
I wanted to say fuck it all and go to them.
But I was stuck here in the office, catching up on paperwork that was already overdue.
“Detective?” Patricia asked, dragging my thoughts back to the here and now.
“Yes, sorry. I was ringing to enquire about access to the Reserve Bank’s archive and what information is available,” I explained.
“There is a large amount of data that’s publicly available. You can search statistics and the like for much of the last one hundred years direct from the Reserve Bank’s website,” she replied. “Is there anything in particular you’re after? Perhaps I can execute some searches for you and send through the results. I’m happy to help the AFP in any way I can, detective.”
A helpful person was always good, but I doubted that the results of the librarian’s search was what Zali was seeking access to.
“What about someone gaining full access? As in all the raw data instead of just the statistics?” I feigned casual, but I already knew the answer before I’d even asked the question. That kind of data was protected. Very few people would have access to the raw data, and it certainly wouldn’t be made available upon request. A warrant, perhaps, but anything less would be like barking up a tree.
“Heavens, no,” she gasped, her shock and censure evident in her tone. “The data set includes extremely personal information. It is protected by both privacy laws and the highest digital security protocols. Not even library staff have access to the data set. It’s absolutely off-limits for everyone except a select few.” She paused before adding, “I’m surprised you’re even asking for this kind of data, detective. It’s something I would expect that an officer of the law to know is protected.”
